:: The Center of Happiness ::

Dear Treasured Traveling Companions,

I am writing this from Southern California
with ash still raining from the sky as a result
of the devastating fires that surround me in
Long Beach as I visit my three grandsons. To
the north is Malibu, to the south is Orange
County and San Diego, and to the east are the
fires in Lake Arrowhead and the forests of San
Bernardino County. The creepy orange glow
of the sun struggles to be seen through the
already too smoggy LA basin. How can there be
happiness knowing tragedy haunts so many.
And yet, if we are willing to see, positive things
can emerge even amidst such heartache and
challenge. From the ashes rises the Phoenix.

Just a couple of days ago before the fires had
made any progress toward containment I had
the opportunity to attend the afternoon session
of the Women’s Conference 2007, a day devoted
to honoring women hosted by Maria Shriver.
Here women gathered for a day of empowerment,
inspiration, acknowledgment. The meaning of the
day expanded as together we imagined ways to
provide relief for affected families. Together we
reflected on them, loosing their homes, jobs, and
life as they had known it, and attempted to vision
resilience for new beginnings. What we focus on
expands, and so we visioned peace and courage
for these families, and the safety of those risking
their lives to fight the fires.

It was amazing to hear the powerful presentations
of women such as Maria Shriver, Jamie Lee Curtis,
Linda Ellerbee, Nora Effron, and Nobel Peace Prize
recipient and activist Jody Williams. Distributed
were the Minerva Awards. The Maria Shriver Minerva
Award features Minerva, the Roman Goddess of
war and wisdom.

According to mythology, with her helmet on,
Minerva is a tireless warrior; without it she is the
goddess of peace. Today, women are warriors in
their everyday lives who nurture, protect and
fight for the people and causes they hold dear.
In her endeavors, Minerva embodies the qualities
of courage, wisdom and strength.

It was equally as powerful learn more about the
recipients of this award as it was to overhear the
conversations of ordinary women while standing in
line awaiting to be inspired. In a way, it was as touching
to hear these informal circles of women sharing from
their heart and imagining outside the box the ways
that they might be of service to those who were
experiencing loss in the surrounding communities.
Through contributions of time, energy, and money
and informal commitments made, a day devoted to
honoring women altered it’s focus to include offering
relief to the fire victims. Happiness honed by heartache
teaches us that we are all one and connected in some
way.

This conference is an event I will now plan to attend
each year, and many women there had already made it
an annual ritual pilgrimage. To hear/see clips of this
year’s conference, and years past, visit:
http://www.californiagovernorsconference.org/.

There’s too much emotion, too much negative emotion: frustration, hatred, anger. I think that’s the greatest obstacle. So I think as a first step this should be cooled down. Reduced. Forget these things. And I think for the time being, we need more festivals, more picinics. Let us forget these difficult things, these emotions, and make personal friends. Then we can start to talk about these serious matters.”

~~ Dalai Lama

We are living in a golden age of self-expression. There is an expanding explosion of user-created content on blogs and social networking sites, but while we may be spending a lot more time in virtual worlds, it is important we not loose the urge to connect and make our physical world more meaningful.

A wonderful concept is to leave art and ideas in public places as a way of affecting someone’s day—change their mood or their mind in a positive and creative way—and maybe even change the world in the process! What a great possibility to visualize! This also seems it could be a valuable resource for ways to apply the use of art in Circle.

I have not held this book in my hot little hands yet, but still feel compelled to bring it to your attention. The Guerilla Art Kit promises to shows how small artistic acts can start a revolution. After all, lovevolves. Essential to the healing of our planet is to think not only outside the box, but to dance creatively in circles! This provides a fun way to do it!

Keri Smith, noted author of Living Out Loud and the blog Wish Jar Journal, uses her unique drawing and handwriting style to help anyone find and release their inner artist or activist. This visually exciting activity book is said to be full of step-by-step exercises, cutout projects, sticker ideas, and more.

I just like the idea of it, and hope the book lives up to the thought of making a meaningful impact. From the quick exercises—leaving books for strangers to find, chalking quotes on the sidewalk—to the more involved—making a “wish tree,” guerilla gardening, or making your own stencils—The Guerilla Art Kit promises everything you need to put your message out into the world. Keri Smith is the author/illustrator turned guerilla artist.

Join me as a new fan of hers, following her adventures at kerismith.com.

This is a book you will return to often. It’s a great gift for someone who needs a nudge out of being a victim, especially if that someone is you!

This story and its message is simple, clear, and memorable. If you are ready to break free of the ‘drama triangle’ and hang up co-dependency once and for all, give The Power of T. E. D. a read. It will definitely put you on a smoother road to happiness.

With co-creative freinds and founders, Ann Smith and Carol Hansen Grey at Circle Connections (http:www.circleconnections.com), we are formulating a Circle Connections Leadership Certification program especially for those hungry for peace and aware of the importance of a feminine model of empowerment (Yin-Powerment). We plan to include this easy to understand concept for breaking free of the ‘Drama Triangle’ as an essential basic ingredient of our leadership curriculum.

For sure, I give this book an enchanting ‘thumbs-up’.

There are a growing number out there getting ‘hip’ to the importance of redefining happiness. We have always seen it as important. Matter-of-fact, just about every decision we make is prompted by and based upon our longing for happiness. Still, cling to our assumptions.

Although simple, sustaining happiness is often not always as easy as we think it should be when measured by our faulty definition. Because our attempts for happiness do not meet our misconception, we doubt sustainable happiness is possible and our ‘pursuit of happiness’ often leads to frustration rather than joy.

A growing number of ‘happiness experts’, including myself, now make every effort to shed new light on the true meaning of happiness. Today I want to highlight a colleague in the field of happiness who mixes psychobabble with meaning and humor.

If you are someone who most easily changes your mind by knowing the facts behind a concept, you need to know about Dan Gilbert. Dan Gilbert believes that, in our ardent, lifelong pursuit of happiness, most of us have the wrong map. In the same way that optical illusions fool our eyes — and fool everyone’s eyes in the same way — Gilbert argues that our brains systematically misjudge what will make us happy. And these quirks in our cognition make humans very poor predictors of our own bliss.

The premise of his current research — that our assumptions about what will make us happy are often wrong — is supported with clinical research drawn from psychology and neuroscience. But his delivery is what sets him apart. His engaging — and often hilarious — style pokes fun at typical human behavior and invokes pop-culture references everyone can relate to. This winning style translates also to Gilbert’s writing, which is lucid, approachable and laugh-out-loud funny. The immensely readable Stumbling on Happiness, published in 2006, became a New York Times bestseller and has been translated into 20 languages.

In fact, the title of his book, Stumbling on Happiness, could be drawn from his own life. At 19, he was a high school dropout with dreams of writing science fiction. When a creative writing class at his community college was full, he enrolled in the only available course: psychology. He found his passion there, earned a doctorate in social psychology in 1985 at Princeton, and has since won a Guggenheim Fellowship and the Phi Beta Kappa teaching prize for his work at Harvard. He has written essays and articles for The New York Times, Time and even Starbucks, while continuing his research into happiness at his Hedonic Psychology Laboratory.

In the following video-clip, Psychologist Dan Gilbert challenges the idea that we’ll be miserable if we don’t get what we want. Our “psychological immune system” lets us feel real, enduring happiness, he says, even when things don’t go as planned. He calls this kind of happiness “synthetic happiness,” and he says it’s “every bit as real and enduring as the kind of happiness you stumble upon when you get exactly what you were aiming for.”

Take a look…

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97

Couldn’t miss the opportunity to point you in the direction of good news. Yep, a site free of fear tactics. Go take a look…

Now, go make some of your own.

Every day I get the spot-on email messages from T.U.T., Notes from the Universe. Seldom do my fingers reach for the delete button when they arrive. They always snap me awake before I completely nod back off into old familiar stuck spots.

“Sweep the floor. Clean the slate. Pick a date. Window shop. Buy a few things. Go out on a limb. Rearrange the furniture. Pick some flowers. Take some time off. No, no. Not necessarily because the tipping point has been reached… But because this is how you reach it.”

– TUT, Messages from the Universe, Andy Dooley

Yesterday, even though I was with a dear and inspiring Heather Flannagan, working on a collaborative project in an absolutely beautiful setting, I was dragging my feet. I just didn’t have the spark. I couldn’t quite identify the lull in my enthusiasm, but I suspect I was thinking too much and judging what I perceived to be my non-steps.

It’s just fine to sit on the pity-potty for a while, constipated by false thoughts of ‘not-enoughness’. Just don’t get tempted to hook up cable, order pizza, and hover long enough to get a ring you know where. That victim role can feel cozy. “Cozy?” you say? Yes, cozy. It feels familiar, therefore comfortable, even though it feels crappy.

Hmmmmm.

More…

I didn’t settle into it or attach myself to the sinking ship. Instead, I kept moving and raised my awareness a notch. I didn’t fight it, I merely noticed the quality of my thoughts. Nor, did I chase them away, for giving them attention invites them to stay. I watched the clouds above my head. They pass, too. Good clue. I breathed in the air that pushes them along and soon felt that I was a delightful part of it all. No worries were worth having. I felt more accepting and at peace by my exercise of accepting what was, shifting my attention, noticing and allowing with each breath.

Happiness is more than big belly laughs, loud squeals of joy, and good things coming our way, although these are yummy reflections of joy, too. Wise happiness has a more elegant and subdued appearance. She arrives as a deep content and knowing even amidst turmoil. This shadowed face of joy reminds us every moment is one that transforms, so is worthy of celebration, too. Such happiness reveals an acceptance and trust that is surprisingly sustainable and brilliant because it is honed to shine through our sorrows and low spots. If you are willing, you become fortunate. Like magic you then become able tosee new possibilities. From this vantage point you can recognize and appreciate happiness even in moments like these.

Emotionally gray days bare gifts, as well. Although not my clearest day yesterday, I did have an insight. As much as I complain about not having enough time, I am the one who chooses how it is spent. I am the one who allows myself to be pulled off course, consumed by a T.V. show or a candy bar rather than taking a walk or writing in your journal. I am the one who gives time away. Old habits die hard when seen from the eyes of a victim, and many of us would rather be right than happy. Oh yes, and that would sometimes be me.

Sticky and gooey. It seems to be fear that holds me back. Call it by any name. It can be the fear of failure that is really the fear of success. It can be the fear of the unknown that is really the fear of not being in control. Flush! Deep breath, for “When fear knocks and faith answers, no one is there.” (Old English Proverb)

So, what if I am a creator who can influence the outcome by simply keeping eyes forward, acting as if, and leaning in the direction congruent with my desires? When perched on the slippery slope, how can I shift from my attachment to the problems, and instead welcome the possibilities? This time, not from a judging place, I got a clearer peek that it would serve me more to adjust my focus, even in increments.

Each baby-step counts for each one can be the tipping point. I lovingly tugged myself little-by-little to what fuels my passions. The adjusted feelings prompted different thoughts. I refurbished my thinking to what fills my heart with joyful feelings and wallowed there instead. Then I let the magic happen, knowing that feelings sculpt the quality of my thinking, and what I focus on expands.

So, today will be a new adventure of baby steps. I will allow them to be playful, mindful, and a work-in-progress. First-things-first. I lean into what matters and make friends with time as I discern between what is truly important and what I only perceive to be urgent. I will place my focus on the horizon and even the heavens, rather than on the slippery slope of doubt. When I sturdy my steps here I can more consciously access the space between those pesky, polluted thoughts. I laugh at the gymnastics of my default thinking rather than lament it, and let the old thoughts go to be transformed. I choose instead to swim in the calm and silent spaces where I can drink in confidence and sun bathe in the knowing that I am wonderful just as I am, just as life is, rough edges, gray days, warts and all. Here I notice peace, and am propelled forward by the calling of my true direction. Today I climb out on a limb to celebrate what is. The view is good. Happiness is.

Dear Fellow Traveling Companions,

I shared a delightful day with a dear friend, each tucked in our own corner of the room, each working on our individual projects that had a deadline. Come lunchtime we got out her good china and silver settings to have a very ordinary lunch in an elegant fashion. After lunch and before returning to our work we took a glorious walk along the beach on an absolutely spectacular day. With the days of summer few, we decided not to wait.

“Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.”

–Mary Manin Morrissey

We keep waiting. We live life trapped and limited by the feelings of “what if…” and “only when…” when now is the only moment we really have.

Too many of us have been caught short of time, money, or love because we waited for what we thought would be the perfect time further down the road. It is important not to wait to be happy. We can be happy right now. Even if we are sitting in a pile of ‘circumstances’ the happiness is only a choice away for it is not our circumstances that matter, it is how we view them, and the way we view them is what generates our reality.

There are plenty of people with perfect health and pile of money who feel empty and alone, and there are those who have lost what would be judged as everything to cancer or a fire, and still they consider themselves to be the richest person in the world. Having more does not guarantee happiness. Being present is the present.

Your happiness is not dependent on having ‘more’. It requires knowing only that you are enough.

A SHORTCUT TO HAPPINESS:
Today, I don’t wait to be happy. Regardless of the magnitude of my circumstances, I find some reason to be happy now. I pick up the phone and call that person who is on my mind that I haven’t spoken to in forever. I forgive the grudge I hold toward a person by whom I feel I have been wronged. I take the vacation I have dreamed about rather than wait until I retire someday.

Summer came and swept me off on a delicious two month mix of a little work and volumes of play and took me from the top, bottom and to both coasts of the United States. On paper it appeared that in between drinking in my grandsons and attending the U. S. Social Forum I would have plenty of time to hide away for writing and reflecting. I thought I would clarify what direction I wanted to head after over a year of having been devoted to being available to my toddler grand-nephew as he traveled his healing journey from cancer. I thought I could balance three grandsons, two grand-nephews, visits to Alaska, California, and Georgia while reshaping my work. Oh, silly me! What was I thinking!!!

I spent wonderful time with my three grandsons, and then traveled with my youngest daughter and her two little ones to spend two weeks in Alaska celebrating Connor’s return from his year in Seattle and a bone marrow transplant as a result of leukemia. This was my primary goal for summer, to see this bald headed little Buddha back running free with a full head of hair in his own back yard. During this whirl-wind series of adventures, as eager as I was, there was no time to work, to think, to plan, to vision forward. I was in survival of sorts surrounded by the energy of several people under three-feet tall. Everything I had nursed along prior to this had to fall from the screen of possibilities. At first I resisted, and it soon became evident that it was wiser to surrender. Surrender guided me to letting go of the rigid vision I had planned to welcome the shape it was meant to take for greatest joy and sanity.

This intense experience gave birth to the opportunity to ‘love what is’, to celebrate the task at hand, to go with the flow, to be happy regardless of circumstances, to face each challenge and trust where each one would lead me. I also had to trust that I could handle it’s organic flow and I could choose to shape my attitude when I couldn’t control the circumstances.

This is birth, this is happiness. It is the moment-by-moment challenge of letting go of a plan in order to love what is. Dancing with unknowns opens the door to limitless possibilities. Life is a process, an adventure, a journey that often leads, with each contraction and push, to a belly-laugh beyond what we can imagine and, when we allow it, reveals an even deeper sense of our power.