Every day I get the spot-on email messages from T.U.T., Notes from the Universe. Seldom do my fingers reach for the delete button when they arrive. They always snap me awake before I completely nod back off into old familiar stuck spots.
â€œSweep the floor. Clean the slate. Pick a date. Window shop. Buy a few things. Go out on a limb. Rearrange the furniture. Pick some flowers. Take some time off. No, no. Not necessarily because the tipping point has been reached… But because this is how you reach it.â€
— TUT, Messages from the Universe, Andy Dooley
Yesterday, even though I was with a dear and inspiring Heather Flannagan, working on a collaborative project in an absolutely beautiful setting, I was dragging my feet. I just didnâ€™t have the spark. I couldnâ€™t quite identify the lull in my enthusiasm, but I suspect I was thinking too much and judging what I perceived to be my non-steps.
Itâ€™s just fine to sit on the pity-potty for a while, constipated by false thoughts of â€˜not-enoughnessâ€™. Just donâ€™t get tempted to hook up cable, order pizza, and hover long enough to get a ring you know where. That victim role can feel cozy. “Cozy?” you say? Yes, cozy. It feels familiar, therefore comfortable, even though it feels crappy.
I didnâ€™t settle into it or attach myself to the sinking ship. Instead, I kept moving and raised my awareness a notch. I didn’t fight it, I merely noticed the quality of my thoughts. Nor, did I chase them away, for giving them attention invites them to stay. I watched the clouds above my head. They pass, too. Good clue. I breathed in the air that pushes them along and soon felt that I was a delightful part of it all. No worries were worth having. I felt more accepting and at peace by my exercise of accepting what was, shifting my attention, noticing and allowing with each breath.
Happiness is more than big belly laughs, loud squeals of joy, and good things coming our way, although these are yummy reflections of joy, too. Wise happiness has a more elegant and subdued appearance. She arrives as a deep content and knowing even amidst turmoil. This shadowed face of joy reminds us every moment is one that transforms, so is worthy of celebration, too. Such happiness reveals an acceptance and trust that is surprisingly sustainable and brilliant because it is honed to shine through our sorrows and low spots. If you are willing, you become fortunate. Like magic you then become able tosee new possibilities. From this vantage point you can recognize and appreciate happiness even in moments like these.
Emotionally gray days bare gifts, as well. Although not my clearest day yesterday, I did have an insight. As much as I complain about not having enough time, I am the one who chooses how it is spent. I am the one who allows myself to be pulled off course, consumed by a T.V. show or a candy bar rather than taking a walk or writing in your journal. I am the one who gives time away. Old habits die hard when seen from the eyes of a victim, and many of us would rather be right than happy. Oh yes, and that would sometimes be me.
Sticky and gooey. It seems to be fear that holds me back. Call it by any name. It can be the fear of failure that is really the fear of success. It can be the fear of the unknown that is really the fear of not being in control. Flush! Deep breath, for “When fear knocks and faith answers, no one is there.” (Old English Proverb)
So, what if I am a creator who can influence the outcome by simply keeping eyes forward, acting as if, and leaning in the direction congruent with my desires? When perched on the slippery slope, how can I shift from my attachment to the problems, and instead welcome the possibilities? This time, not from a judging place, I got a clearer peek that it would serve me more to adjust my focus, even in increments.
Each baby-step counts for each one can be the tipping point. I lovingly tugged myself little-by-little to what fuels my passions. The adjusted feelings prompted different thoughts. I refurbished my thinking to what fills my heart with joyful feelings and wallowed there instead. Then I let the magic happen, knowing that feelings sculpt the quality of my thinking, and what I focus on expands.
So, today will be a new adventure of baby steps. I will allow them to be playful, mindful, and a work-in-progress. First-things-first. I lean into what matters and make friends with time as I discern between what is truly important and what I only perceive to be urgent. I will place my focus on the horizon and even the heavens, rather than on the slippery slope of doubt. When I sturdy my steps here I can more consciously access the space between those pesky, polluted thoughts. I laugh at the gymnastics of my default thinking rather than lament it, and let the old thoughts go to be transformed. I choose instead to swim in the calm and silent spaces where I can drink in confidence and sun bathe in the knowing that I am wonderful just as I am, just as life is, rough edges, gray days, warts and all. Here I notice peace, and am propelled forward by the calling of my true direction. Today I climb out on a limb to celebrate what is. The view is good. Happiness is.