:: The Center of Happiness ::

Dear Ones who have held the intention of healing and courage for Connor and his family,

Below is the latest update on his progress, and even with a few setbacks, Connor and the Dunham’s will soon be able to return to Alaska.

I have been playing - with the help of a sister-writer here in Port Townsend - with two new made up words: consti-patience and antici-patience.

Consti-patience is similar to impatience, wanting life to go as we want. We force it along angered by our helplessness and feel backed up with emotion, regret, resentment, resistance, and despair… almost immobilized, and for sure depressed. Our negative emotions take us hostage and we feel blind-sided by life’s challenging circumstances.

Alicia, modeling for the circle of support that surrounds her, has taken on with such AMAZING GRACE the journey from consti-patience to antici-patience. She has found fiber for the soul and has moved free with forward and backward steps. She now sits in antici-patience.

Antici-patience demands a dance across the fertile void. You can allow yourself to fall in the pit swallowed up by all your limiting thoughts, or do ‘a-void-dance’ by choosing mindfully where to place your energy while accepting your humanness. Alicia is maneuvering a tiring path, making it as smooth as possible by marrying the joyful thoughts of longing and intention, those of finally being able to go home, with those of being fully present. She has taken this on as an exercise, a spiritual discipline, an opportunity to notice and see infinitesimal positive steps forward. Joy is everywhere because she knows how to savor the everyday miracles, antics, and joys of her children in this moment, exhaustion and all.

Alicia calls up from only God knows where the patience and focus that is called for right here and right now, and stretches to make room to accept her shortcomings, her boredom, her irritations, and her weariness. Grace carries Alicia, Connor and all of us through the ‘unexpecteds’ and wonderings that shower us each day. Beyond that, we get to choose.

Although the next mile marker is on the horizon, in sight and we are getting close, we must focus on our feet deliberately, meditate on the sound of each step, each breath, and be her now. Please don’t let go of their hand yet.

So, with great antici-patience, we all continue to vision Connor running with his little brother, Carson, in their own back yard in Alaska at just the perfect time. Until then, we breathe, we pray, we welcome all the wonders of life.

In Joy,
Rhonda
360.385.5850

Here is Alicia’s UPDATE ON CONNOR:

Hello to all,

I hold my breath every time Connor has a sniffle, falls down, or complains that something hurts. Yet with each day that passes, I am grateful that Connor has become a curious, energetic, and inquisitive normal two year old. All the signs of the amazing journey he has been on have faded and although my fears will never be completely gone, I am learning not to let them overpower my daily life.

The last few weeks have been hard. We are all looking forward to going home and as time gets closer the days seem to go on forever. Both boys got a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago and are just now starting to get back to normal. This hit Connor worse than it hit Carson because of his weakened immune system. Over the last 2 weeks, Connor has lost about 3 pounds from not wanting to eat and not being able to keep much down. Connor had a doctors appointment today and we were all hoping that they would say we were free to go back to Alaska but his blood tests and weight were not quite where they would like them to be. The doctors are reasonably certain that his weight drop is due to being sick and that it is just taking his body a little longer to get back to normal. Therefore, they are postponing giving us an exact date until his appointment next week. They would like to see his weight go up and some of his other labs a little more stable before sending us home. If everything looks better next week it is a good possibility that we could be home before the end of the month!! Even thought this is not exactly what I wanted to hear I want to be in the best place for Connor. When God feels it is time for us to be home He will make it happen. So until then we will patiently wait until next week and pray that Connor’s appetite continues to improve.

The encouragement that continues to surround us is unbelievable. I just added up all the Alaska Airline Miles that we have received just from everyone using our phone number when checking out and it is over 20,000 miles. That is enough for a free airline ticket for Steve! Thank you all for your support.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Please pray:
Connor appetite/weight will improve
Everyone will remain healthy
We will be able to return home soon.

Some of you have asked what it all of this feels like from my perspective. It is hard for me to explain the feelings you get on a daily basis but I found this article that I feel does an excellent job of explaining it.

What its like to have a child with cancer…
Author Unknown

Picture your child sitting in the middle of the street.
Picture yourself in your home watching your child from the window.
Everything inside you wants to reach out and save them.
But you can’t get out, all you can do is watch and pray that God is watching over them
You see them fall and cry for you to make it all better.
But you can’t get to them, they can see you and see your tears.
And maybe hear your voice through all their tears.
You pray God will keep them safe.
You hear a car in the distance, but never know how far away it is,
some days it seems really close other days even closer.
You know that at an moment that car may come and change your world all over again,
in a split second you can be back to were you were when this all started or worse yet, the fight may be over.
Some days you start to feel a little more “safe” and back up from that window,
walk over to the couch and sit down, when just then you hear that car again
and in a second you are one with that window again, all those fears you tried so hard to put aside are back,
more intense this time, feeling guilty for having let your guard down.
It makes leaving that window the next time that much harder.
We want to keep them close at all times for fear of the unthinkable.
At night when you leave their side to go to bed, you take one more quick peek at them to make sure all is well.
You lay in your bed hoping to see them tomorrow, not wanting that day to end,
for as hard as it was that day they are here with you, and tomorrow is filled with the unknown,
every day, night after night these are our fears. We are exhausted in every way.
Our prayers from one night would fill God’s book a million times over.
All you can do is pray to God to spare them, let them be safe.
From that window you see the fear in their eyes, their hopes of the future,
such a small child sitting their all alone, surrounded by love, but alone ,fighting so hard,
not wanting to let you down, for they are very smart, they know our sorrows.
Seeing your child sit there ,wanting to help with all your might,
But knowing in the end its them and their bodies that must do all the work,
so much to ask of such a little person.
You’d never let your child sit there in the street, knowing that they could be taken from you at any moment,
you would not just sit there and stare at them and pray to God to save them,
you’d pick them up, wrap your arms around them and hold them forever, keeping them safe.
Yet that is what us parents of children with cancer are asked to do every day.
Let them sit there and watch and wait and pray, pray hard.
Yes, I believe in God, but that doesn’t stop my mother instincts to want to do something to help them.
How do we put everything we learned as parents aside, and simply hand it all over to God?
How is it decided which child shall live and which child will pass on?
Why is it that some children struggle so very hard and win their battle
only to have it return with much more vengeance?
Why do some children sail right through their treatment and then die suddenly?
How are we to make sense of any of this? With each clinic appt. brings the possibility of a relapse,
no matter how great they look or how wonderful they feel.
If only we could judge their health by the way they look on the outside.
We are suppose to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, who said cancer could make all the calls?
I never agreed to that, I am their mother and I will fight for them, with every ounce of my being.
Cancer may be calling the shots, but it will not win this game, not with my children, not with any of our children, we are so very weak, but so very strong, this bravery we have we get from our children,
our little heroes, fighting every day with all their might…
Pray for them…………

Hello Friends, Traveling Companions,

Like each of us, I imagine, it is my longing to made a difference in some way… to live, to laugh, to love, and to leave a meaningful legacy. This week my grandsons and daughters have been ill with the flu while managing an onslaught of other life circumstances that seem to come all at once.

At times like these it is hard being so many miles away. Every alarm goes off in my ‘mommy’ soul that I am to be there to fix it somehow, or at least be there to provide a comforting cloth applied to a weary forehead. Sick or well, there is nothing better than sitting and snuggling with a little one, no matter what their age.

To shrink the distance between us I stay connected by phone, and vision them as healthy. Even amidst the challenges I observe the grace with which my daughters face the unknowns and unexpecteds, even when they might disagree. Perhaps my job as I have defined it in many ways may already be done. When I can’t rescue, nurture or help with hands on assistance it seems it is the Universe’s way of demonstrating how capable my daughter’s are, and even for me to rest assured that I have done a good job in loving them along the way. Maybe we did something right together, and now they too get to learn and apply the ‘mommy magic’ to make their little guys feel better. Through their own maneuvering through the challenges that come with the territory of motherhood I see them expand their own compassion and resilience that will be passed along, shape-shifted by their own experience and interpretation. Having the distance between us, as it seems was what was necessary this time, was somehow perfect and allowed their confidence and my letting go process to expand.

They are all on the mend, and still, just for good measure, I will share with them and with you…

Dr. Grandma Tutu’s Cheat Sheet for a Happy Life:

1. Not everyone will like you. Don’t let that stop you. Love yourself anyway. The way you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you.

2. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Get clear on your own values, forgive quickly, loosen your grip, lean into life, learn to be compassionate by standing in the shoes of another, and treat people fairly regardless of how they treat you.

3. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, and a part of the journey, but suffering is optional. Don’t hang out with ‘victims’ and don’t be one, yourself.

4. We don’t always get what we want when we want it, but we always get what we need. There are always blessings. Accept them gratefully without whining.

5. Change is an essential part of balance, and creativity is an essential part of evolution. What you resist persists, and shift happens. Open up, dare to question, think outside the box, color outside the lines, go with the flow, listen beyond words, love yourself as much as you love others, and follow your heart no matter what your age.

6. Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. The good news is that you can be happy regardless of your circumstances, so respond rather than react, and focus on what’s working.

7. Strive for excellence rather than perfection, for perfection is fleeting and success required only that you get up one more time than you fall.

8. Chocolate does have nutritional value. Enjoy every bite of life, eat dessert first sometimes (ice cream is my favorite), and celebrate small steps along the way.
9. Our bodies (and sometimes our minds) will wear out. Complain less. Enjoy each moment more. Never once in the history of the Universe has worrying ever changed an outcome. Get off the ‘pity potty’ and trust that where you are is where you are meant to be. Learn to love what is.

10. No one gets out alive, but you don’t need to die alone, or live feeling alone for that matter. Your relationships are more important than things and love is the only thing you can take with you. Connect. Love yourself as much as you love others. Laugh often. Forgive quickly. Learn relentlessly, and leave an authentic legacy. Believing is seeing, so never stop believing that peace is possible.

In Joy,
Rhonda

Dear Ones,

How grateful we continue to be to have you as a circle of support for my grandnephew, Connor, and his family. I am deeply pleased to continue to send you good news. Connor will soon return to Alaska after close to a year long stay at Children’s Hospital/Ronald McDonald House in Seattle.

As I read my niece’s latest update that I forward on to you, I am touched by her grace and her talent as a mom and a writer. Although Connor’s journey has been a rough one, it is Alicia who has walked a relentlessly stressful road, holding her family together at every turn. I wish I could give her days of sleep followed by and an all expenses paid family vacation to Disney World (their favorite place ion earth). She and Steve could have allowed the pressures to pull them apart, but instead their relationship is all the stronger. Although they had their moments of melt down, I seldom saw them take their stress out on one another. Instead they had great compassion and tenderness for one another, offering each other strength even when miles apart. Also, the grandmother’s offered such selflessness to be their for their little ones. It took the village! What peace builders they have been. It has not been an easy time for them to put their lives on hold in order to be present as a durable support system. Their presence and hands on help has made this challenging journey much easier.

So, drink in Alicia’s amazing update. I do hope at some point she will finally have time to pull these updates together and weave them with more of her reflections about this road of healing into a book to serve other parents.

Once again, thank you for surrounding Connor with your healing light. Since you now know you can heal cancer, what amazing thing will you do next. It makes everything else easier!!!

Please do not relinquish Connor from your prayers as he still has a distance to travel, but regardless of what is ahead, we joyfully celebrate now!!!

In deep gratitude,
Rhonda

CONNOR’S UPDATE…

Connor has done remarkable over the last month. He has slowly come off several of the medications used to treat his graft verse host disease (GVHD) and is showing no signs of any problems. Since he is still on two medications that lower his immune system, I have to check his temperature at least twice a day. Any time he gets a fever of over 101 degrees, even if he has no other symptoms, we get to go to the hospital and have blood tests done to rule out infection. Unfortunately, over the last month we have been to the ER four times for this reason. Most of the time the fevers would go away as quickly as they came but last Sunday this was not the case. In less than an hour, his fever went from being normal to 104 degrees. After having blood tests done in the ER, he was admitted into the hospital the next day with a blood infection. The doctors started him on antibiotics and within a day, the infection was getting better and we were able to return “home” Thursday. Even though it was a shame to be back in the hospital, it gave us a chance to see all the incredible people who have been there for us every step of the way one last time before heading back to Alaska. We still do not have an exact date on when we will get to return home but the doctors are talking about sometime the middle of March. Along with doing well medically, he has done marvelous with potty training and as his hair gets longer and the signs of cancer fade thankfully there is little left to remind us of all his body has been through.

Carson is a master at walking and loves to climb on everything. His personality is starting to blossom as he becomes more independent. He has accomplished many milestones while living a “hospital life” and it is hard to believe that he was not even rolling over when we got here. Steve is incredible and my love for him gets stronger everyday. As hard as it is for us to be down here coping with all of this I cannot imagine how hard it is for him to be at home. He has been working hard on our house to get it ready for us to return home and I am very excited to see all the changes. I was able to go home for a weekend the end of January to help pick out some of the new things for the house. It was wonderful to be home even if it was only for a short time. Most days what I desire most is more sleep. Between Connor’s appointments, medicine and chasing the boys by the end of the day I am exhausted. Nevertheless, no matter how tired I am when I hear the boys laughing and playing together it makes everything worth it

Recently a wonderful website: www.freewebs.com/kidscancercrusade was brought to my attention. This great site brings together stories from families that are surviving childhood cancer. It allows you to follow there journey, provide encouragement and send sympathy. I know one of the things that helped me through the hard days was the messages of hope and support. I encourage all of you to check out this site and see the amazing children that are more courageous than I can ever hope to be.

Thank you to everyone for you continued support. There is not a day that goes by after all this time that we do not feel your love and prayers.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Check out Connor singing Take Me out to the Ball Game at http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7116764384596726585&pr=goog-sl

God Sent to Me an Angel

By Paul Dammon 11/96

God sent to me an angel,

it had a broken wing.

I bent my head and wondered,

“How could God do such a thing?”

When I asked the Father

why He sent this child to me,

the answer was forthcoming;

He said, “Listen and you’ll see.”

“My children are all precious,

and none is like the rest.

Each one to me is special,

and the least is as the best.

I send each one from Heaven

and I place it in the care

of those who know my mercy,

those with love to spare.

Sometimes I take them back again.

Sometimes I let them stay.

No matter what may happen,

I am never far away.

So if you find an angel

and you don’t know what to do, l

remember, I am with you,

love is all I ask of you.”

Alicia R. Dunham

5130 40th Ave NE, Room B 13

Seattle WA 98105

206-838-0707 Seattle Home

www.thestatus.com ID:Dunham- Password:unique-book

“The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination.”

– John Schaar, a sociologist and professor emeritus at the University of California Santa Cruz

People live in the present moment only about 7% of the time. We are either busy regretting what we cannot change or worrying about a future that may never come in the form we fret over. In so doing, we miss the wonders of the moment placed right before us. Now is the only moment we really have. It is in consciously choosing the quality of this moment that we heal the past and string together present moments to bring to us a magnificent and meaningful future. Living now is the way to create the future we want.
Life is a journey, a process of moments that we influence. Participating fully and willingly in the collaboration of quality present moments holds far more life for us than obsessing over a destination, past or future, forsaking now.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
In this moment I drop the veil caused by limiting beliefs and finally take on the knowing that I create the quality of my life in this moment. There is no ‘there’ there. I embrace right where I am standing this moment to fully insure a happy future.

“Have in your mind that which would constitute a miracle for you. Get the vision. Suspend disbelief and skepticism. Allow yourself to take the journey toward real magic.”

– Wayne Dyer

The Law of Attraction calls first for you to know what you don’t want. From this you then can more easily define clearly what you do want. But manifesting does not stop there. You must not only vision what you want in your minds eye, but you must feel it in every fiber of your being. Drink in the feelings and emotions of having what you long for as if it were already yours. Surrender your negative beliefs and let go of all doubt. If you must, pretend! When you believe it is possible you are on the journey of real magic.
The mind is a powerful thing when combined with the appropriate feelings. What we focus on expands and what we believe, feel, and appreciate is what we then see.
One final ingredient necessary to attract meaning, foster prosperity, and create happiness is one of self-worth. You must believe you are worthy of the miracles you request to open the flow.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I believe in magic. I throw away what I don’t want, take the time to clarify what I do want and enjoy feeling the wonders of having it as if it is already realized. I confidently co-create and call to me limitless possibilities to have what I long for knowing I am worthy of true joy and abundance.

“Sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness”

– Karen Nave

Perfection, if it exists, is fleeting. Contrary to what the media and fashion industry industries lead us to believe, there is no perfect shape or size, job, car, or place to live. Life comes with its flaws and highlights, highs and lows, twists and turns, and this is what’s perfect! It hones us, and beckons us to be all we are meant to be.

Life is an adventure in which we only genuflect at perfection. One of the few things in life we can count on is change. Life does not stand still and being perfect would actually be pretty boring. After all, life is an evolutionary journey full of mistakes that are designed to grow us, and new opportunities that stretch and expand our understanding.

It is better to strive for excellence rather than perfection. No two trees or flowers or sunsets are the same. True and durable happiness does not come from reaching a destination of perfection seldom achieved, but from the savoring and learning from the interesting and insightful small steps along the way.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I appreciate the perfection in imperfection. I celebrate the diversity that surrounds me and makes life interesting and beautiful. I strive for excellence rather than perfection, letting mistakes teach me, trusting that my unique gifts are worthwhile, meaningful, and a contribution to life’s evolution.

“If the only prayer you ever said was ‘Thank You’, that would be enough.”
– Meister Eckhart

Humble and authentic gratitude is indeed a powerful prayer. To be grateful for not only big things, but simple blessings can carry us beyond challenging circumstances with a greater sense of contentment.

One of the greatest heartaches we feel is a lack of acknowledgement. Too seldom are we fully appreciated for our contributions and not often enough do we appreciate the gifts of others sent our way. Yet, it is these simple gestures that grows true happiness and expands our sense of worth. Gratitude, given and received, heals these wounds of ‘not enoughness’ and paves the path to a greater happiness. It is an essential key to happiness.

Gratitude must come from the heart and should not be offered as a way to initiate something being offered in return. The amazing thing is that when a heart-felt ‘thank you’ is given without strings, it magically offers a huge return. Giving really is receiving.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I offer thanks in abundance. I notice each kind gesture, big and small from the sweet scent of fresh flowers and an available parking space to business referrals or expensive gifts. I am grateful not only for the gifts and kindness I receive from others, but know it is important that I be grateful for myself, knowing and appreciating my worth.

“The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.”

– The Dalai Lama

Old habits die hard. Many of us hinder our happiness, trapped by the habit of negative thinking. Our unconscious focus is on all that seems not to be working. This expands that reality, and causes us to miss the simple wonders that far out-number any obstacles and irritations.

Look around you for 30 seconds and memorize everything that is the color brown. Now, close your eyes, and call out all the things that are the color… green.

It is far easier to recall all the things that were brown because we placed our focus there. It would be far less productive to have you recall all the things that were green.

Whether amidst a big or small crisis, find your way back by looking for the blessing. There is great value in retraining your focus to notice all that is working around you, life’s simple pleasures and tender moments, than to belabor and exaggerate those things that seem askew.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
I breathe deep today, and trust that even in challenging times there are ultimate blessings. I sort my thoughts and refine my vision to see miracles even in simple things, especially in simple things.

“Even on the right track, you get run over if you just sit there.”

– Will Rogers

The year has begun with renewed enthusiasm. There are times we are meant to sit still in silence and conscious inaction, however too often we sit still as a default position. Not making a decision is making a decision. We wait for life to happen to us, thinking ourselves to be a victim of our circumstances, rather than embracing that life is an interactive, co-created experience where happiness is possible regardless of the circumstances.

We must listen within and become more discerning about when our action is meant to be stillness or when we are called to lean into life by putting our rear on the line.

Instead of total inaction, the other extreme is when we start the New Year with exaggerated expectations. We don’t listen to our inner guidance and we take such big steps forward that we soon run out of steam. We ‘should’ on ourselves to a breaking point and soon return to our ‘do nothing’ position, drained of energy and hope.

Somewhere in between over and under doing is our hope for happiness. Small steps can be as valuable as big leaps of faith. A minor course correction based upon our intuition gets many a ship or plane to the intended destination.

It is better to strive for excellence, rather than perfection, for perfection is only a fleeting moment in time if not an illusion all together. Lean in the direction of your dreams, even if the steps are small, but don’t just sit there unconscious. Believing is seeing, so visualize and feel what you want in your bones. Savor and celebrate every step, for the journey is more important than the destination.

A Conscious Intention for Happiness:
Today I dare to clarify what it is I want. I lean in the direction of my dream and feel it in every fiber of my being. I accept my worth, believe I have talents to offer, and with each conscious step, big or small, I celebrate my freedom to choose.

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person
doing it.

– Chinese proverb

Rhonda’s Reflections:
You may not know how, your steps forward may be small, or your stpes may even include some forward and some backward. Each gesture congruent with your dream is an important stride toward success and true joy. Make your ‘doingness’ meaningful and it will automatically be joyful.