:: The Center of Happiness ::

Dear Fellow Travelers,

Has your life ever taken an unexpected DETOUR? Well, mine most certainly did last week. Most weeks we have plans for our time, our work, with our family and friends, and with the exception of a bump in the road here and there, life seems to progress as expected. With one phone call I was abruptly taken into a completely unexpected direction. My niece called from Alaska.

“Aunt Rhonda, Connor (2 years old) is sick, very sick. They’re not sure yet what’s wrong… tears…”

With my fingertips on the keyboard of my computer thinking I was going to write my newsletter, the journey began with an email calling for the focused love of those in my immediate circle of family and friends…
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Special Ones in my life…

Please pass the word to keep my grandnephew, Connor, in your heart. He is in the hospital in Anchorage with a serious staph infection that they are yet uncertain what it masks. Mom and dad are scared and tired, so please shower Connor, barely 2, his mom and dad, and 4 1/2 month old baby brother Carson at home, with your warm, healing, and tender thoughts. They need to lean on your courage today, holding the highest and best.

Blessings and gratitude,
Rhonda
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Another call. “Aunt Rhonda, they have run all sorts of tests. Connor is a pin cushion. They have done a spinal to rule out meningitis. His white blood cell count is so high… they determined that it’s… leukemia. They have Connor and Steve (his dad) ready to air-flight to Children’s Hospital in Seattle. Carson (age 5 months) and I will follow on a red-eye flight. What do I take? What should I do? My baby has cancer! (tears) I hate to be a bother. They have a shuttle… (more and more tears)”

I replied, “No, Sweetie, I’ll be there to pick you up…” My heart ached too. Would I know what to do or say to comfort and how to help? I knew the greatest peace and clarity would come if I were to surrender to the experience. Angels would appear, and somehow we would manage the unknown. Before heading to Seattle I called for the focused healing energy and support from my loved ones to cushion and hold us.

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Dear Ones,

I just heard from my niece. They are life-flighting my grandnephew to Seattle accompanied by his daddy. My niece is taking a commercial flight at midnight and I’ll pick her and baby Carson up at 5:15am. They have determined that Connor has leukemia, and so the journey of miracles begins here, one moment at a time for at least the next 6 weeks of treatment.

Please continue to hold their dear little family in your heart. I will go to offer my support until we know more, and I will let you all know as things evolve as I have the opportunity. I will go without my computer because my hands will be full caring for whoever needs to be held. Life is so sturdy and so fragile, so gentle and so harsh, so tender and so full of unknown gifts in odd disguises. This is the only moment we have. So please live fully today in complete support of Connor.

I remain grateful for your consistent prayers.

Love,
Rhonda
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Having been a labor coach and childbirth educator for many years past, whenever I take a pre-dawn drive it makes me think of the times I greeted the morning driving home from a birth. This time thoughts of the opposite possibility crept into my peripheral vision. Fear would tug at me to drift there and I would choose over and over again, moment by moment, to re-focus on the present moment seeing Connor and his family arriving safely, being cared for by compassionate people, and having a positive outcome. I even refined my prayer, asking for the courage to handle whatever was in the highest and best with courage and grace.

Alicia and Carson arrived totally exhausted from fighting strollers, suitcases, and the routines of the airport. We piled into my car and the 20 minute drive to the hospital seemed like an eternity. My car became the vessel where fears were dumped and longing for hope was declared.

The next few days became a blur, a bizarre and surreal avalanche of bad news/good news. He has leukemia/It’s the easier kind to cure. He’ll loose his hair/He’ll look like his baby brother again. It has a high success rate/You can stay at the Ronald McDonald House/The room is not very big. You will be here at least 7 months/He doesn’t need to be in the hospital the entire time. The follow-up treatment will take about three years/At least he will be done before he starts school.

The stages of grief whirled in the air. “Auth Rhonda, I am just in shock. This is story you hear about someone else’s child, not mine! We had plans. What about work? How will we pay for all of this? What did I do wrong? Am I being punished? Will he…?”

Such a huge wave of information and emotion mixed with little or no sleep rattled this entire family. And, believe it or not, they are one of the luckier ones. Many little ones are far more ill with horrible things, and some stand little chance of ever going back home. One day your life is normal, and the next all your plans are shoved off the screen and replaced by a very different reality. Breathe… Breathe… Real strength is called for to choose to adjust your attitude when you cannot adjust the circumstances.

I stayed a few days until they got settled, as settled as you can get when your life takes a complete detour and you move your ‘home’ from one location to another in less than two hours and your son has cancer. I held a baby and provided a listening ear as they danced between shock, anger, despair, confusion, and until I knew a Grandma from Alaska was on her way to provide the next needed pair of extra hands. Who knows how it will all unfold. I did what I could to get them started on this new path full of ‘unknowns’ and ‘un-imaginable’ challenges.

The world of ‘children with cancer’ is an amazing one. With few exceptions it is full of compassionate angel caregivers, strong parents, and amazing resources… and sometimes not. I witnessed patients and their families chose between courage and bitterness, more often choosing to open to the blessings to be found in even this horrific experience.

I am sure I will have many more reflections as I integrate this detour into the land of unexpected illness, but for now this is what I know. Children are resilient. The present moment is all that we really have. We choose moment by moment. Angels are everywhere. Parents will do anything for their children. Life is stubborn. Friends are dear. Prayer and focused thoughts are powerful. Control is an illusion. Surrender offers relief. Detours provide new perspective, and love is the healing ingredient to any unlikely circumstance.

Savor each moment,
Rhonda

“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell.”

— Lance Armstrong

“We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.”

– Margaret Mead

Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that.

– The Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

– Buddha - Philosopher

Life is delicious. It reveals it self layer by layer. With every sunrise we have new opportunities to learn and grow, change and evolve, fall flat and begin again. We dance with our choices and our circumstances. We wrestle with our mis-belief that we are not worthy or enough.

Why is it so easy for women to doubt their magnificence? And, wouldn’t the world be a better place if women stepped fully into embracing their calling, applying the power of their intuitive nature, and honing their strengths and talents.

Will we resist our shortcomings or use them to guide our growth? We make mistakes and too easily fall into self-criticism rather than forgive, apply, and learn. Will we forgive our self, believe that we can be free from our limiting beliefs, and find inspiration in the power of love?

Women are now called to stand tall. It doesn’t matter the number of times we fall. Grace is our nature and true success is measured by the number of times we dare to stand up. Happiness is ours when we surrender to life as a journey rather than expecting it to be a destination that matches only our unrealistic expectations. Our journey is enhanced when we open to learning from our mistakes. Our heart is opened to others when we open to embracing our essence of magnificence.

How would we see life differently if we were to forgive our self quickly and consciously, and loved our self as much as we love others. We are the only one who is held hostage when we resist forgiveness of our self or another. Self-love is the challenge we must face if we are to find durable happiness. Loving our self is the greatest gift we can give another. What are simple steps to self-love? Learn them, live then, share them. Your heart will smile.

Eight Simple Ways to Love Yourself

1. Learn something new
You are never too old or too busy to learn something new. Joy grows through change and the juices of your creativity flow when you stretch to learn something new. Daring to learn something new requires a willingness to grow through your mistakes, but also fills you with new confidence in your ability to expand your skills. It need not be huge. Small steps can be as valuable as large leaps of faith. Stretch out of your comfort zone to know you are alive and collaborating in the creation of your life and your happiness.

2. Acknowledge your own successes
Not just the big ones. Acknowledge and celebrate small steps along the way, too. We hesitate to appreciate and recognize our own successes. Our inner voice is often the most critical and unwilling to believe in our innate magnificence. You easily offer applause to others. Make it a point to personally recognize your own successes, gifts and contributions, no matter how small they may seem. Our willingness to acknowledge ourselves is how we teach others to value us, as well.

3. Believe in your magnificence
You may not be without flaws, or free of mistakes, and wish you were stronger, more clear and confident, however, you are perfectly imperfect. Trusting in your innate magnificence and allowing the fulfillment of your potential to be a moment-by-moment journey insures greater joy. If you want to be authentically who you are meant to be as well as achieve meaningful things in your life, you absolutely must open to believe you are magnificent simply because you breathe, then dare to live fully into your potential.

4. Embrace mistakes and setbacks as opportunities to learn
Mistakes are unavoidable and everyone experiences disappointments and set backs from time to time. Life is messy and it’s just human to become discouraged at times. But you can use mistakes as opportunities to learn and setbacks as positive experiences that will allow you to access joy regardless of your circumstances. Simply view mistakes and setbacks as learning experiences. Dare to embrace your challenges openly. Hold a clear intention for your preferred outcome, focus on all that is working - not on the obstacles and things that seem to be going wrong, and then let go. Blessings are there, even if hidden in the most difficult times, if you are willing to see through willing eyes. Nad, as my mom always said, “Experience is heat you get when you don’t get what you want.”

5. See yourself as worthy of support
You are worthy. Period. Dare to ask. Turn to experts and friends in the areas where you want help and desire to expand. Enjoy being a life-long learner. Never think you are ‘less-than’ because someone knows more than you. Life is a pay it forward adventure. When you give someone the opportunity to help you, you bless them as well as yourself, and gift them by allowing them to shine. You can repay their kindness not only by returning the favor to them directly, but by passing along your gifts and talents to someone else along your path who needs your service and expertise. Asking for help, receiving it with gratitude, and generously offering your gifts to someone in return keeps the flow of joy open.

6. Trust and acknowledge others
Just as like attracts like, trust and confidence also attract confidence and trustworthiness. The law of attraction is powerful. The more faith you show in others, the more trustworthy connection they will offer you. The more recognition you give others, the more confidence-building recognition you will receive. True happiness is yours when you love and honor yourself as much as you love and honor others.

7. Be mindful from the inside-out
Be mindful of your thoughts and loving in your actions. Focus your thoughts so that they serve you rather than control you and undermine your happiness. Every feeling you have was preceded by a thought. The quality of your thinking now creates the quality of your future. Happiness in an inside-out job. Moment-by-moment be mindful of where you allow your thinking to wander and choose to strengthen your ability to direct your thoughts in a constructive and compassionate direction. When you train your thoughts to focus on the simple joys of life from the inside-out, kindness is more easily birthed to positively affect those who surround you.

8. Expect miracles
Expectation has often been called “faith in action.” Expect to be happy, and your mind will sort for and create happiness you expect. Expect to be confident, and you will truly become confident. Expect to be happy, and happiness will be more easily accessible to you.

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I just got off the phone with a new and already dear friend who reluctantly divulged with a definite change in the tone of her voice that her birthday is next week, and that she may take the day off to stay in bed with her head under the covers. This might have been an exaggeration, but I heard sadness and angst. In her voice I heard the voice of many who hold regret about a day that should be celebrated. Another one of mine is just around the corner, number 55 I dare say, so I have been giving it considerable thought.

The truth is, no one gets out alive! (more…)

I recently returned from time spent with my three grandsons. What a delightful time it was, and with each smile, giggle and game I was reminded of what truly matters most in this life.

On my late night drive home from the airport I was listening to a wonderful radio program about different Native American tribes and their customs, especially the role of women. The report emphasized that many tribes were egalitarian and women were honored for their power and wisdom. Women had an honored voice as peace-keepers, and the role of the grandmother was a special one… to teach joy.

With the images of my grandbabies floating in my memory bank and the sounds of their voices lingering in my heart I feel confidant that I fulfill this role for them. I am their playmate, their soft place to land, the one who plays hide-and-seek and draws silly pictures, the one who plays pirates and sings to them. I have story lines on my face and hands that they love to explore. No question is off limits. We have deep conversations over ice cream, and I am willing to go on the slide at the park. We walk, we talk, we bounce, and we hug. We sing, rock, and I make up bedtime stories. They sing along with my version of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” I am the first one to volunteer to change a diaper or wipe a bottom, for my love is unconditional. I treasure the intimacy… the in-to-me-see that evolves in this moment-by-moment living. It feels so good to give love, and be loved so much. Joy describes the aura of who we are when we are together and the magic connection that fills out hearts and comforts us when we are apart.

After departing the hurried pace of the LA area, gracefully enduring a delayed and very full flight, and leaving behind the Seattle traffic I felt ease embrace me as I crossed the Hood Canal Bridge that links a busy form of civilization to the peace and slow pace of the Olympic Peninsula I call home, and my heart remains with them. Their faces and the sound of their voices rest in my heart.

So if I ever wonder what my purpose is in life all I need do is remember that I stand on the shoulders of the ancestors and elder women peace-keepers of the great northwest. I am Grandma Tutu, wise woman, doula for living each moment fully, and tender crone who prepares the path for future generations. I love big and I teach joy.

Every February, across the country and around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine, all to honor love. I found it interesting to explore the history of Valentine’s Day a bit before writing about this special day. If you want to learn more, too, take a look:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine’s_Day

Though for many Valentine’s Day seems like a holiday manufactured by Hallmark, I still am grateful that a day has been set aside inviting us to reflect on love. Opening to love is a key ingredient to knowing deep happiness.

So what is love? It is so much more that remembering to bring flowers or sending a card. Love is heartfelt and pure. It is playful and direct. It dares to reveal faults trusting they will be forgiven. It is the safe place we initiate our boldest, strongest self. It is the soft place we can admit our weariness, confusion and express our doubts. Authentic love is a willingness to learn from our mistakes. It is freedom rather than restriction, and a bond rather than bondage. It calls for encouragement rather than judgment. It is tenderness, anticipation, truth, kindness, flexibility, and acceptance. It nurtures true listening, honors silence, and demands an honest answer. It allows the sharing of laughter and sadness. It puts happiness above being right and is committed to finding the path through challenges. It is a hug held until connection is made, a sigh that says it all, a tolerance of silence, and a welcoming harbor for the unexpected process of personal growth. Love is innocent and wise. It is a reflection of the Divine from the inside out.

Authentic love starts with self-love, and our happiness is the greatest gift of love we can give another. And yet, loving our self and designing our own joy is too often overlooked in favor of finding our fulfillment through another and attempting to keep up with the unrealistic expectations of our circumstances. Effortful caring, controlling, worry, and loving others at the expense of our own well being makes the love we offer them more of a liability than an asset. The mis-belief that you cannot be whole without another is co-dependent love. It is only an illusion of what we long for. Coercing someone into being who we want him or her to be comes from fear, not connection. Love holds gently in a way that strengthens the bond created, and lets go willingly for the highest and best for all.

As a non-denominational minister I feel honored to be a part of significant life events. One is officiating at weddings. Some couples I see walk through the motions of commitment far more focused on the dress or the cake than the intentions of the words they express to one another. The words exchanged are each couples definition of love, and their blueprint for their journey through life together. Some couples I feel to my core mean what they say and offer one another their wholeness, while others instead offer their unfinished business and unrealistic expectations. Some are playing out the fairy tale rather than consciously designing a durable love because they failed to love themselves first. Love also teaches, offers opportunities for growth, and stretches us. And my mom always said, “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”

Rob Breszny is someone who doesn’t take himself too seriously. He is a fun and provocative writer considered by some as a renegade genius whose syndicated Free Will Astrology column runs in 130 newspapers nation-wide. I get a kick out of his ability to challenge ordinary thinking. He has also written a fun read, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia (North Atlantic Books; $19 paper) in which he poses fresh possibilities in a chapter, I Me Wed. Here he emphasizes that loving yourself first is a pre-requisite for loving another authentically (http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main79.shtml). Ron suggests that, “Because none of us is ever likely to find our perfect partner until we master the art of loving ourselves with great ingenuity, a self-wedding ritual can be the transformative magic that induces the arrival of a challenging new consort into our lives, or else brings the renaissance of an existing intimate relationship.”

I find this an idea worth pondering. Would you marry you? Have you taken the time to learn to enjoy your own company? Have you come to know and accept your unique gifts? Have you taken full accountability and responsibility for your own joy? Do you love yourself in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer? Have you ever looked boldly in the mirror, cherishing whom you see and offering gratitude for the person reflected before you, flaws and all?

My favorite prayer is, “Dear God, Help me accept the truth about my self, no matter how magnificent it is.”

It is essential that we come to a place of understanding that self-love doesn’t mean the kind of selfish love that excludes. This kind of self-centeredness is self-absorbed and insensitive, not genuine. At a higher degree of consciousness and with a clearer intention being self-centered means being centered within our self. Loving from the inside out. Loving from our insight-out. We then become a true gift to another. This is the love that heals, builds bridges, and makes peace possible. Love becomes our presence. Love is being fully present.

If, on this Valentine’s Day you were to wed yourself, celebrating your own magnificence by writing yourself a love letter of appreciation and to promise forever to cherish yourself being fully authentic and committed to your well being, what would you say?

I invite you to give it a try. What holds you back? Why do you resist? Commitment to another is a big step, but what about that commitment to our self!? It is important we be what we long for.

A reminder to which I return to often for inspiration was written by a woman I admire for her tenacity and bold insights. She colors outside the lines and dares to offer her powerful feminine voice. Marianne Williamson, author (A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles), speaker, and spiritual advocate, challenges us to love, honor and cherish our self through these awakening words:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The journey of happiness calls for crossing the bridge of self-doubt by loving our self as much as we love others. On this special day that we unite in the celebration of love, let your commitment be to love YOU. Dare to stretch your ability to love your self first to in order to authentically fill the cup from which you love others.

As a happiness advocate and by the power invested in my by my Authentic Self, and knowing your Higher Self is equally wonderful, I now pronounce you married to your own magnificence.

You may now let go of all your limiting beliefs and love your True Self.

In Joy,
Rhonda

So often it is the simple wonders that fall in the shadows of the steep expectations we hold for our self and the way we think the world should work. I am sure not to be the only one who experiences that whatever task I undertake or project I agree to, it consistently takes two to three times as long as I anticipate to accomplish my intended goal.

You think we would get smart enough to do better at time management by planning for these certain realities, accepting that it always takes longer. But no, instead we judge ourselves and compress life, not wanting to ‘drop a ball’ or say ‘no’ to anything.

Can we be happy even at these times? Expanding compassion and patience, not for the outer world or others, but for ourselves seems to be the key to happiness until we can adjust our perception of time and surrender to and trust in Divine Order.

It is important not to miss the simple wonders in our hurry to force life along. So today, amidst looming project due dates (I refuse to call them dead-lines) and having more on my plate than I have allowed time for, I choose to take the time to notice that the sun is out for the first time in days, delight that I heard my grandson giggle over the phone, and show gratitude for the simple wonders, big and small, that reconnect me to the perfection in mis-perfection today.

WHAT DO YOU PERCEIVE AS THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD?
by Author Unknown

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were
the present ‘Seven Wonders of the World.’ Though there were
some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, ‘Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.’

The teacher said, ‘Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.’

The girl hesitated, then read, ‘I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:

1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love.’

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!

When it comes right down to it, the truth is that the greatest gift we can give another is to take full responsibility for our own authentic happiness. Whether I am interacting with my family and friends, sharing the concepts of Drive Yourself Happy, or traveling the journey of defining my new focus on empowering women, this is the consistent Truth upon which I build my life. This knowing ‘drives’ and inspires me… the knowing that I am the one called to create my own happiness.

Life is a journey and an interesting one at that if you choose to participate in expanding your consciousness. It is often the case that we “teach best what we most need to learn” (Richard Bach, Illusions: The Journey of a Reluctant Messiah). This is why and how happiness became a guiding theme in my life.

At times I still can be tempted to detour from my own happiness and clarity about what I want by my attempts to create joy for others. For me, they are so closely woven together. I truly love making a difference and bringing joy. It is one of the greatest inheritances I received from my dad, the genuine enjoyment derived from creating experiences that prompt joy for others. My dad would absolutely take delight in knowing that he had facilitated a magical experience to make someone else’s life easier. For him as well as for me it is not about expecting anything in return. His gifts were often done anonymously. His fulfillment came from seeing others truly happy.

This has been a tricky edge for me to walk. And, I suspect I am not alone. What is our greatest strength also provides us with our greatest challenges and offers us unlimited opportunities to grow. There are always two sides to any coin. I am grateful to be inspired by my dad to focus on the importance of happiness and gifted by him to experience deep contentment by fostering happiness for others, connecting them with their innate value. But, as it happens for many of us, we forget the power of the wisdom we know. Somewhere along the way my well being got wrapped around and dependent upon making others happy in order to be happy myself. On occasion it still is my unconscious default to fall back into the belief that I have failed if I disappoint someone or if what I do does not result in their happiness. I more consistently catch myself, and I have given permission to dear ones in my life to awaken me when I slip into my old false beliefs. In my more conscious moments I know it is my own choice and responsibility to be happy, detached from the prerequisite of making another happy to prove my worth.

Life certainly gets full and rolls along at a fast clip. We so easily get caught up in the frenzied pace. We live as if we believe that if we just run fast enough we ‘should’ be able to ‘do’ it all. With the same amount of information that it took two years to process a hundred years ago now crossing our desk in just one day, the reality is that it is humanly impossible to do it all without great sacrifice and self-damage. We are human beings, not human doings, and true joy comes not only from what we accomplish but from being authentically who we are as we do whatever we do. Our success is not measured by how many things we get done, but from having lived a life of grace and happiness each step on our journey.

When we value ourselves enough to fill our own souls and feed our own spirits, the love that we give others is then authentic and heart-felt. Our energy will grow, radiate and bless them. Even with full and busy lives we can still generate abundant energy. When we deprive ourselves of our own basic self-care in order to care for another, our generosity, love and enthusiasm for life become tainted with resentment, disappointment, and frustration. Eventually our fatigue and discontent block us from knowing that we are wonderful and all is well regardless of our circumstances.

Not loving ourselves as much as we love others destroys the very well-being we are working so hard to create, and eventually we become a burden rather than an asset to those we are intending to serve. Our self-imposed abuse creates incredible self-doubt, and initiates that horrible spiral downward of believing we have failed and are just not good enough. Women, especially, have been well trained to be harshly and easily self-critical. On this detour from happiness, we fail to realize that we are the ones generating all the evidence to support our mis-belief, when we could be generating joy and prosperity instead. It feels tiring just writing about it, let alone living it! Sound all too familiar?

This week I have mentored several people with co-dependency as their common detour from happiness. They are not whiners. They truly have huge challenges on their plates managing the mental illness and dementia of close loved ones. It is easy for all of us to say that the demand on us is too big and that we just don’t have time to stop to care for ourselves. We feel we can’t afford the luxury of even the smallest respite or the world will collapse on our watch. And yet we must!

We teach those around us how to treat us by how we treat our selves. Contrary to what our fears are yelling as the truth, the Real Truth is that we cannot afford not to nurture ourselves. If we do not take care of ourselves, we will collapse and be of no help to others. It need not be in big ways to make a difference, but we must announce and demonstrate to the Universe that we love ourselves and have assumed responsibility for our own joy. Small steps accumulate an abundance of energy because they connect us to the Truth and hold a forward intention.

So, if you are totally overwhelmed and frantic in this moment and have been taken hostage by your limiting beliefs, here are a few suggestions for your freedom and the refueling your Spirit with simple small steps of self-love:

* Read even one line of something inspiring when you get up and before you go to bed.
* Ask for what you want not by stating what you don’t want, but by declaring what you do.
* Dare to share your burden with a trusted someone.
* Ask for support.
* Expect a miracle.
* Write down all your negative thoughts and destroy them.
* Say ‘no’ when you mean no and ‘yes’ when you mean yes, regardless of what people will think.
* Wait 24 hours before you take on another responsibility.
* Place time for yourself on your calendar before you say yes to someone else.
* Honor time with yourself as if you had an appointment with Mother Teresa.
* Do not answer the phone during dinner.
* Do not do for someone what they can do for themselves, even though they may not be able to do it according to your standards. It robs them of their power and drains yours.
* Drink lots of water.
* Do things that are truly important rather than doing them just because they feel urgent.
* When you catch yourself in the doldrums, raise your vibration even a little by thinking of something that brings you joy. Focus on feeling joy for a few minutes.
* Celebrate small steps.
* Dare to do something that takes you a little out of your comfort zone.
* Look in a mirror and tell yourself how much you appreciate all you do.
* Do not compare your success by the success of others.
* Eat well.
* Stretch and walk often.
* Sit in the sunshine, even if for only 2 minutes.
* Visit my blog at www.centerofhappiness.com
* Forgive yourself quickly and easily.
* Learn from your ‘mistakes’ and apply what you learn to the next opportunity, side-stepping guilt all together.
* Look for and focus on all that is working, rather than on what is not.
* End each day with gratitude, focusing on all of your blessings.
* See all things, good and bad, as beneficial.

Since the beginning of the New Year, like many, I have been reviewing what I want
and refining the direction I choose to travel this year. I created time to
explore the blessings and lessons offered through the events of last year and
listened within to hear where I am now being called. Sometimes that voice is
faint, and my mind of ’shoulds’ and ‘have tos’ speaks louder than my heart’s true
longing.

This annual new beginning inspired me to clean out my file cabinets - inner and
outer - and I made room for something new, more, different, and wonderful to be
revealed this year. I also did my best to identify and clear out old limiting
beliefs that still lurk within me and to access my knowing that, flaws and all, I
am magnificent and right where I am meant to be.

When we set goals, we have a specific end point in mind. But often within our
goal-setting endeavors we include the seeds of failure - unrealistic
expectations, self-judgment and criticism, and too harsh a measurement of
progress and success.

I am becoming more aware that being specific and clear and taking action is
essential if we want to manifest the future we say we desire. Rather than have an
agenda, we must shift to visioning what we want, feeling it as if it is already
so, seeing it as already in place. We must also learn to hold our intention with
a loose grip, allowing it or something better to be drawn to us, perhaps in an
unimagined form different from our specific request or dream. We have to actively
want it with every one of our senses and be willing to allow the form to be
created from the quality of our energy.

Having an agenda can point us in a specific direction but can cause us to put on
blinders that prevent us from noticing other opportunities that cross our path.
Holding an intention allows us to take in other options for consideration and
opens our hearts to the vibrations of subtly being called in a new or slightly
different direction.

Often an agenda can be a plan that you implement to run away from your fears,
whereas an intention keeps you focused on moving toward what is wonderful. What
you focus on you create more of-and if we keep on doing what we’re doing, we’ll
keep on getting what we’re getting. This still is a sticky area for me. I
constantly need to refocus my gaze on the new horizon with faith rather than on
old patterns that have driven me for so many years and keep me trapped in fear.

‘Now’ is where we are and what we all have. This moment. This precious present.
It is our responsibility to consciously choose who we are to be while we are
doing whatever we are doing.

Rather than try to check off all of the things on my ‘to do’ list that somehow
reproduce and expand no matter how hard I work to eliminate them, I will choose
over and over to shift that old pattern this year. Instead I will dare to listen
inward for my direction and know that wherever I am on that list I can do that
task with compassion, joy, and generosity. This year I will live my life as best
I know how believing that I am safe, all is well, I am blessed in every moment
regardless of the circumstances, and I am grateful for all that I have.

As I passed through the Seattle airport just yesterday I came across this quote
on a card that I knew was to be shared:

“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But,
there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it
dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me
see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment
you have and remember that time waits for no one.”
– Souza

This is your life today. Who will you be? What will you intend? Will you
willingly trust your magnificence enough to take the time to listen within, and
to be grateful as you notice all that you have?

In Joy,
Rhonda

It has been awhile since I sat and watched the wonderful movie, Finding Nemo, with my first grandson. It’s a delight (and so is he, I might add)! Since my return from the birth of my second grandson on October 8th (my first grandson’s birthday!) I have been readjusting to life far from my loved ones, riding the waves that life brings, and preparing my work to travel with me again to the LA area for the birth of my third grandson, due December 10th. Yes it has been a fertile year!

Nemo (a little fish) develops a friendship with an older (and very forgetful) fish, Dora, who is trying to help him find his way home. One of my favorite lines is Dora’s suggested mantra for life when you aren’t certain you are making ‘enough’ progress …”Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

All around me I see everyone racing with the year’s end in sight. People seem to be in turmoil, and anxiety is heightened because change everywhere abounds. Fear, rather than creativity shapes their decisions. We become our harshest critic. We forget that the same amount of information that was taken in over a two year period of time a hundred years ago is what we are challenged to process each and everyday. We think if we ‘swim’ fast enough we will somehow manage to master it all, do it all, and control it all.

Although we manage to accomplish amazing things, we are not human doings. We are human beings! We create a life of ‘do-do’ when we don’t balance it with self-care. The amount of what we accomplish is not as important as the spirit and grace with which we accomplish it. We are amazing simply because we breathe. If at the end of the day you can say you offered your Self with integrity, patience, compassion, creativity and generosity, you are living the life that matters even when there are dust bunnies under the bed or the final report is not done. Happiness just is. The key is in our ability to access it. Life just is, and the joy comes from how we regard it. Love just is, and happiness is ours when we keep it the priority. Our power lies not in controlling and completing, but in being most authentically our self without self-judgment amidst the ocean’s ebb and flow of life.

Few of us probably realize that captured in an old childhood song sung in rounds is all the wisdom and insight we need to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

We row, row, row through life, often making it harder than it needs to be. We fall into the trap of expend far more of our energy telling everyone everybody else how to row their boat instead of paying attention to the quality of our own strokes. We believe the ‘if-then’ theory of happiness. ‘If’ only they will change, ‘then’ I can be happy. We fail to realize that we may not always be able to control the circumstances or other people in our life, nor is it our job to do so. However, we do have control over how we view them. Too often we get distracted judging, criticizing and blaming others, rather that taking responsibility for the grace with which we maneuver our own journey. We can truly only love and honor another to the degree to which we authentically love and honor ourselves. We need to first take care in rowing our own boat to genuinely be able to assist another.

Gently Down the Stream

We often travel against the current, resist change, and impose limits that need not be there. We flounder upstream, and too often choose being right over being happy. Rather than fighting against the flow we can learn to recognize it and become one with it, trusting it to take us in a productive direction. We can savor the wonders available to us in every precious moment, freely share our gratitude, and allow rather than force our way to greater happiness.

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily

Humans are a funny lot. We tend to focus on what isn’t working, rather than all the things that are. Let’s say that 100 things go generally right in the course of a day, and one thing does not go according to plan. What do we talk about over dinner? Choosing to place our focus on all our blessings, and looking for excuses to laugh and appreciate simple joys will offer us balance and comfort, and strengthen us for the times we are called to face the true challenges that life will offer.

Life is But a Dream

It is usually not our life that is off course, but what we think about our. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up some place else. It is important to weed your negative thoughts in order to harvest happiness. The quality of your thoughts creates the quality of your experience. Dare to vision, to dream big, to make mistakes, and to apply lessons learned willingly.

Many of us have proven to be strong swimmers through life, and some of us feel like we are drowning, lost, or paralyzed by fear. Climb back in the boat and rest awhile. Glide through life with a bit more ease and learn to enjoy the adventure with the innocence and faith of a child.

When you are ready, take Dora’s advice and…”Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Knowing that it is not reaching your destination that is important, but the quality of the journey.

Sometimes simple is best. Life can be hard enough, so apply these ten easy steps to experience everyday happiness:

1. Simple Acts of Kindness
Sometimes the smallest kindnesses can make the biggest difference. Something as small as paying the toll for the person behind you or intentionally leaving a dollar bill somewhere for someone else to find and feel good fortune can make a meaningful difference in the life of another. Anonymous gifts can often bring the greatest satisfaction because they are not done to boost your ego, but are truly a gift from the heart. Make it a habit to offer simple acts of kindness to experience durable happiness.

2. Simple Appreciation
Appreciation is something we all long for. What feels good to receive also feels as good to give another. Think of someone who has touched your heart or has extended a kindness to you. Go out of your way to thank them without expecting anything in return. So often we don’t think that what we do matters. A heart-felt ‘thank you’ offered at an unexpected time can make all the difference in the world and often makes a greater difference than we will even know.

3. Simple Joys
We so often focus on what is not working rather than what is, and take simple pleasures for granted. Some of the greatest joys in life are simple and small, but huge because of the happiness they bring. Noticing the glistening snow, allowing your heart to be touched by a child’s smile, appreciating a warm bath and a soft bed, or the wonders of a warm piece of bread with butter and jam can make you feel rich beyond measure. Enjoy the blessings of the present moment.

4. Simple Blessings
Every night before your head hits the pillow, recount the things/people/situations in your day for which you are grateful. Whether mundane or magnificent, placing your focus on all there is to be grateful for helps broaden your awareness of the wonders of life regardless of your circumstances. Remain determined to find a blessing in even the most challenging situations and you will find that your feelings of despair diminish while your happiness expands. The quality of your thoughts influences the quality of your life.

5. Simple Self-Respect
So often we find it easier to take care of everything and everyone else, but we give from an empty cup and neglect ourselves. Without genuine self-care what we offer to others we will eventually regret and becomes inauthentic. By disrespecting ourselves, we actually are teaching others how to disrespect us as well. Taking full accountability and responsibility for our own joy is the greatest gift we can give another and in honoring our self we more authentically notice the gifts of others.

6. Simple Forgiveness
A gift is for giving, forgiving. Forgiving does not mean we condone the actions of another. Withholding your forgiveness hurts no one but yourself. Offer your forgiveness often and generously for the greatest durable happiness. See mistakes, yours and the mistakes of others, as an opportunity to learn for the greatest joy.

7. Simple Prosperity
Tithe money or time generously to the things that matter to you most. Allow your time, money and energy to flow. Invest time and energy in friends and family, and the things you are passionate about. Vision often all that you dream of and be willing to surrender the form in whicg it comes back to you. Just know you are worthy. Asking, acting, and listening within to manifest, and by sharing willingly opens the flow to your prosperity.

8. Simple Sadness
Even sadness and loss can reveal blessings. We must not jump past feelings that come up as a result of a loss, but hold the intention to be open to seeing the blessing as soon as possible. Sometimes it is the challenges in life that allow us to more sincerely appreciate all that we have. Open yourself to all your emotions, and believe that even through heartache we can learn, grow and find greater meaning.

9. Simple Spirituality
Regardless of your name for God, most of us have an awareness and appreciation of a Mystery greater than we are. Develop your spirituality regardless of the form, and be certain to take quiet reflective time for yourself regularly. Inner listening and meditation/prayer offer you a path to a deeper sense of joy and a greater sense of your own magnificence.

10. Simple Stress Relief
Whether counting to ten, taking a deep breath, getting a massage, or reading something inspirational, include simple stress management tools in your every day routines. Be quick to ask yourself if you would rather be right or happy. You are not a victim of life, and choosing for your happiness also brings happiness to others.