Category — Rhonda's Articles

Dear Happy Traveler,

I have always been curious about words… their origin, their apparent meaning, and their embedded or double meaning. As many of you know, I also enjoy revising the meaning to words so they hold a more intentional impact.

A word that caught my fancy recently was one we hear far too often these days: overwhelmed. Everywhere I turned, I hear the word in conversation, experience it in everyone’s attitudes, and witness the result on people’s faces.

Honestly I, too, had a week that tempted me to concur, however, remembered the words of Mother Teresa,

“I know God will never give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Her cantankerous commitment to optimism reminded me to take a deep breath and look again from a different view-point.

With her whispering in my ear, I insisted on believing there has to be a better way than despair, and somehow had it in me to refuse to succumb to this overwhelmed perception that only leads to feeling worse.

These feelings caused me to ponder what exactly is the “whelm” we are “overed” by? Hmmmmm. What is whelm?

whelm
Pronunciation: \?hwelm, ?welm\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English
Date: 14th century
Definition:
1 : transitive verb 1 : to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down, usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with, usually disastrous effect
2 : to overcome in thought or feeling : overwhelm <whelmed with a rush of joy — G. A. Wagner> intransitive verb

When we get attached to the way we think life “should” be, we resist what is, even miss it all together. Life then moves forward about as easy as a car with the parking brake on. Our creativity and compassion shut down, prohibiting us to see all the alternative possibilities for joy available to us, even amidst challenging circumstances. Life becomes a pain in the rear to endure rather than an adventure to be explored. [Read more →]

Autism can be a huge bump on the road to happiness, but it need not be a detour. As a care-giver, it certainly takes you on a journey of personal growth.

Have any of you had your life touched in some way by someone with autism, or on the autistic spectrum, including ADHD? Did you know that 1 out of every 60 kids is diagnosed to be on the spectrum?

My oldest grandson, Parker, who is now 7 has ADHD, and has struggled in school (and at home) as a result. Due to the commitment of his parents and his first grade teacher, he is doing very well. He still has some challenging days, however it is remarkable how much more calm his life is for him and everyone around him due to having him on
what is called the Finegold Diet, free of preservatives, pesticides, dairy and eggs.

Then along comes my second grandson. Although in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit the first 3 days of his life, he seemed to meet all his developmental milestones, although he was always plagued by ear infections and was prescribed antibiotic after antibiotic along the way. However, by about 18 months he started to regress.
What little speech he had began to disappear. He had less and less eye contact and seemed to spend more and more time in his own world.

My background in early childhood education told me that by age 2 he should have at least 20 words, so we stepped out of our denial and began the journey of learning the impact of high levels of mercury and other heavy metals
trapped in his body, and other sensitivities that cloud his brain.

Now Brody in 3 and a half. He has come along way with the help of a gluten free/casien free/dairy free diet, although still has many self-stimulation behaviors. For Brody, his most severe behavior is echolalia. He repeats books that have been read to him or dialogue he has heard only once over and over. He is very bright, can recognize many words but has little understanding of language. Tantrums are a regular indication of him being over-stressed, and the bigger he gets the harder they get. Of all of these it symptoms it seems hardest that Brody cannot spontaneously tell his mom or his dad that he loves them.

We have taken a biomedical approach, and Brody will soon begin I. V chelation therapy. His parents even made the hard decision to short-sale their house that is on the take-off flight path of a major airport to minimize his
exposure to the jet fuel that contains the contaminants that have rained on him since he was born. All of this is calling us to be more mindful of pollution and do what we can to create a more green environment for all our kids.

The other day my daughter showed me an ad in Parent’s Magazine for weighted vests that looks like a fireman’s or a policeman’s uniform. Children with sensory needs often benefit from the added weight to ‘ground’ them. I commented to my daughter how we have normalized this problem. Now in a magazine for typical children, products to deal with sensory issues are becoming mainstream and accepted as normal.

These amazing young people seem to have a divine assignment. They are our canaries in the gold mine if we dare to listen. They are telling us through the oddities of their challenges that our earth is troubled and our abilities to
deeply connect and communicate are in peril. It is not only about what we are here to teach them, but I think even more important to become curious about what they are here to teach us. They are calling us to deepen the quality of
our relationships and fine-tune our ability to see joy in the oddest places. They invite us to make friends not only with technology, but with one another, face to face, heart to heart. They challenge us to look beyond differences
to see our common ground. [Read more →]

How can we best describe what we are feeling as we sit just past the New Year with anticipation seeded with hope about the year ahead?

I find it insightful that the ancient Chinese hexagram for crisis means both danger and opportunity. If we are wise we understand that we are the one who can influence the outcome. This year is in our hands.

Stress is not a bad thing. What makes it good or bad is what we do with each obstacle or concern through our thoughts and actions. Whether we choose to react or respond is what defines it as a detriment or an opportunity.

Crisis makes us alert. Danger naturally focuses our minds. At inevitable moments when we are faced with challenge we instinctively react, contract, withdraw, or retreat with a sense we must protect, defend, and retaliate. If our focus is consumed here, creativity and compassion dissolve.

Getting stuck here at this choice point is something we do, our friends do, and countries do. War within or without is the result.

Is there another way? We are called to take the next step, and the choice of what direction we lean into is ours. It is this (even) baby step that will make the significant difference.

To respond rather than react is the conscious choice we are called to make if we are to move beyond believing war is an inevitable means of solving a problem. By looking for the opportunity or simple joy in each challenge, each crisis, each stressful situation, we refocus our attention on possibility, and therefore embrace peace instead of war, happiness instead of depression. We become the change we want to see in the world.

The accumulative energy generated by holding hands with those willing to do the same creates and sustains the momentum for positive change we need right now. Becoming determined to recognize the choice point and take the higher road is a courageous evolutionary act.

Crisis reveals opportunity. Along with disappointments, loss, heart ache and overwhelm also come the opportunity to connect more authentically, forgive more deeply, love unconditionally, and become more creative.

As an instrument of our conscious evolution and to actively participate in the generation of sustainable happiness, all we need do is recognize this choice point. Respond rather than react, forgive rather than judge, collaborate rather than compete, make love, not war, inside and out. Any step is valued. Repeat over and over.

Don’t allow yourself to be defeated by crisis. Don’t waste the opportunities it brings. Open to the possibilities and lessons woven within each obstacle instead, determined to transform. Expect the miracle to be there, if they aren’t, create them, and be willing to harvest the benefits.

This way LovEvolves. This way we are sure to have a Happy New Year all year long… to infinity and beyond.

I just love ’a-ha’ moments. So, I beg your indulgence for some ‘soon to be my birthday’ ramblings.

I have long realized freedom to be one of my core values. Having Annie Oakley as a distant cousin helps make sense of my feisty awkwardness in this linear reality called life. I have struggled to find ‘traditional’ ways to channel my talents and tame my loquacious nature, but seldom have felt like I fit easily and completely. Such is life as a ‘right-brained’ introspective spirit that was dropped for some uncertain reason into a culture that is designed to be ‘left-brained’ friendly.

Life is a messy yet amazing journey. I have explored along the way as a pioneer attempting to make sense the map I was given of my place and purpose in it. I have made the best of being a bit counter-culture and accepted that I march to the beat of a different drummer at times. I have shaped my diverse skills and intuitive way to nurture and honor the power of choice for my self and others, inner and outer.

It seems to be a common question to ask, “Who an I?” and “Why am I here?” How does one find happiness when life can be so uncertain?

As far as I can tell, the common and defining thread in my life is that I show up at times of transition, expecting joy and looking to bring meaning and peace regardless of the situation caused by change. I bring a knowing of the power of connection and acceptance, and the energy of discernment that holds the space for miracles to happen. I tend to be the one who hold open the door for insights to be born and for love to enter, even at times when the situations at hand make it difficult for light and joy to prevail. Peace and steadfastness are the calming ingredients I offer every situation, and have done so ever since I was born.

Whatever the ‘it’ is that I contribute, it seldom comes in a ‘nine-to-five form, and even when I was a therapist I wasn’t good at fitting deep and life-changing conversations into a fifty minute hour.

Ihave reached for and done my best to connect others to the possibility of peace without pushing. I tend their magnificence when they have forgotten, and hold the space for it until they remember.

I have been known to take subtle steps as well as leaps of faith in my own life toward freedom and happiness to model embracing life as a delicious invitation to create meaning and to highlight our significance.

With my birthday just around the corner, at this time of year often find myself reflective, living up to my loquacious nature.

How did I not find that word until just last week! Loquacious is what I have beenaccused of being my whole life, just not using this amazing word!

When awakened by losses embedded in life you more consciously look for thebest ways possible to dive into your remaining time with verve.

That’s a great word, verve.

Each birthday taps you on the shoulder with a sweet invitation to notice simple wonders and not pass up opportunities that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. The course of our life can shift at any time, so I strongly lean in the direction of savoring each present moment so as not to be left with regrets and resentments… or words that feel important to say. It seems best to get busy, not only crafting our ‘Bucket List’, but daring to live it relentlessly to fulfillment.

At the risk of being called ‘loquacious’, I ask for birthday permission to ramble a bit more, unedited. Assuming my wish is granted, here are a few more birthday ponderings…

I was born in the fifth month of May on the 31^st day in 1951. Though I don’t know a lot about numerology, the number five numerically is the number that represents freedom, adventure, and change.

Here are characteristics I found of the number 5:

You make friends easily, you are versatile and multi-talented, upbeat and inspirational and a good communicator and motivator. You have great verbal skills and you are very dynamic, persuasive, adaptable, versatile and curious, courageous, bright and quick-witted.

You are an explorer and adventurer who wants to experience all of life, you also like to perform in front of audiences and you like to do several things at the same time.

One word could have replaced all of these to describe the characteristics of five… my new favorite word… loquacious!

As a little girl my dad had me convinced that everyone was taking Memorial Day off to celebrate my birthday! Memorial Day is a day to honor those who protect freedom. I suppose that could be described as the intention of my path, to honor the freedom, especially of women and children, to be authentically who we are, happy and joyful regardless of our circumstances.

Being somehow a ‘doula’ of life’s transitional moments from womb-to-tomb, I have been called to serve those who are willing to make friends with change, curious enough to expand their consciousness and compassion, and determined to claim freedom from their old ways of thinking. Whether through giving birth, entering into a new phase of life, getting married or divorced, illness, loss, or through the transition, expected or unexpected at the end of life in this form, lessons and insights are abundant. I encourage people back to knowing their own magnificence and coax weary hearts to focus on fresh possibilities.

Whether it makes sense or not, I seem to be the emissary chosen to hold the space for joy and freedom in good times and amidst challenges. I am a right-brained bridge person called to stir up the left brained perspective to reveal for us all the connection between and benefits of harmony and diversity.

Happy Birthday to me, and let freedom ring.

I have been easily pondering happiness as I share time this week with my niece, Alicia, and her oldest son, Connor, now three-and-a-half. He is my grandnephew and I am more than delighted to spend time with them visiting Seattle from Alaska.

As many of you know it is not a pleasure trip for them, but instead a week long adventure of doctor’s visits, procedures and re-evaluations. When Connor was barely two he was diagnosed with A.L.L. leukemia. After highs and lows, a bone marrow transplant, weeks in isolation, and a stay that lasted well over a year where Connor and his family lived between Children’s Hospital and the Ronald McDonald House, it appears most gratefully that Connor is one of the lucky ones. At this moment he appears to once again be a normal, active little boy who is cancer free.

It is Connor and his family who taught me beyond a shadow of a doubt that happiness is possible, even amidst hideous circumstances. Perhaps not easy, but it is possible. It calls for a new way of seeing and a willingness to surrender to the moment.

Happiness is not dependent upon money, although it can be an amazing asset to facilitate joy, or health, although it might have been easier to sustain joy without this weighty detour into illness that flirted with death. Choice was key, and the determination to see happiness in the cracks of life was essential.

With the near loss of someone so innocent and the awareness this situation brought that life is so fragile, Connor’s journey, accompanied by his dedicated family and support circle of amazing and generous angels, offered us all a new way of treasuring life, and a more conscious way of appreciating each moment. Connor’s gift to us was a peace beyond comprehension. Our strength and faith was expanded by experiencing that happiness is ours when we open our hearts to the blessings of what is, and the power of connecting in a healing circle beyond differences and circumstances.

Between medical appointments today I strolled through a near by park with Connor and his mom, content and grateful for one positive report after another. You could tell Alicia was savoring what others might take for granted. Her son was finding great joy in kicking pine cones and chasing his shadow.

With a sweet smile on her face I overheard Alicia say, “Connor, I love you”, to which Connor replied, “I love me, too.” One more important lesson offered by a now not so bald headed little Buddha.

This is happiness at its best.

Contrary to what most of us have learned, we must take care of ourselves first in order to authentically care for others. We just cannot give from an empty cup, or drive a car without gas. Even though we may have good intentions, when we force ourselves to take on more than we can gracefully handle, in out attempt to make a difference and teach about prosperity and possibility, we are instead modeling poverty and lack.

So it’s an important question to ask. Are you feeling overwhelmed? What exactly is the ‘whelm’ we are always trying to get over?

Overwhelm is defined as being overcome in thought or feeling, being decisively defeated, or rendered powerless. So how do we become overwhelmed by joy, rather than stress? My suggestion, even though you may not like it…

Give up multi-tasking. Well, maybe not completely, but at least when you find yourself frantic and reacting, rather than responding to life’s potholes. Trying harder only leads to disaster. Rather than go ‘cold-turkey’ at least make your multi-tasking more conscious. Don’t settle for just meandering through life on autopilot or attempting to force life along. It may work for a while, or at least appear to, but eventually you’ll have a six-car pile up! Trust me, you don’t want to miss the joys of the moment, and when you run too fast focused on all that’s not working, you miss out on the simple joys and miracles of NOW. When we move too fast and do too much, we aren’t really experiencing anything along the way.
[Read more →]

Dear Fellow Traveling Companions,

I shared a delightful day with a dear friend, each tucked in our own corner of the room, each working on our individual projects that had a deadline. Come lunchtime we got out her good china and silver settings to have a very ordinary lunch in an elegant fashion. After lunch and before returning to our work we took a glorious walk along the beach on an absolutely spectacular day. With the days of summer few, we decided not to wait.

“Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.”

–Mary Manin Morrissey

We keep waiting. We live life trapped and limited by the feelings of “what if…” and “only when…” when now is the only moment we really have.

Too many of us have been caught short of time, money, or love because we waited for what we thought would be the perfect time further down the road. It is important not to wait to be happy. We can be happy right now. Even if we are sitting in a pile of ‘circumstances’ the happiness is only a choice away for it is not our circumstances that matter, it is how we view them, and the way we view them is what generates our reality.

There are plenty of people with perfect health and pile of money who feel empty and alone, and there are those who have lost what would be judged as everything to cancer or a fire, and still they consider themselves to be the richest person in the world. Having more does not guarantee happiness. Being present is the present.

Your happiness is not dependent on having ‘more’. It requires knowing only that you are enough.

A SHORTCUT TO HAPPINESS:
Today, I don’t wait to be happy. Regardless of the magnitude of my circumstances, I find some reason to be happy now. I pick up the phone and call that person who is on my mind that I haven’t spoken to in forever. I forgive the grudge I hold toward a person by whom I feel I have been wronged. I take the vacation I have dreamed about rather than wait until I retire someday.

“Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

– Yoda, Return of the Jedi

How could a little green alien be so wise?

Go ahead. Right now, try to get up from your chair. I’m serious. Just try. If you succeed in any way, you have not tried, but actually done something even though it may not be perfect or complete.

However, the truth is that there is no such thing as just ‘trying’ if we are taking even one small step or making one conscious gesture in the direction of our dream beyond doing nothing. You have taken action, and that counts.

Procrastinators are perfectionists in disguise. Don’t wait to do something until you are certain you can do it perfectly. Life is messy and mistakes offer insights, so dare to start now. By connecting the dots between all our small gestures, feelings, and actions and by leaning in the direction of our intentions, we create a continuous flow of energy and expand our happiness. If we combine this with a sustained belief in the possibilities, our dream becomes a reality.

Do you remember when your mom would tell you to, “Do your homework” to which you would reply, “I’ll try”? Translated, this meant that you most likely had no real intention to do your homework and would do nothing.

Trying is a state of inaction. Follow Yoda’s instruction. Do, even if it means one small step in the direction of your intention. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions combined with your intention are what manifest your desire.

Now, go do your homework.

A SHORT CUT TO HAPPINESS:
Today I do my homework. I take action knowing that even one small step is more than just trying. I get clear on what I intend, and then make my thoughts, feelings, and actions congruent. No more trying. Today I DO in spite of my hesitations, shaping my choices and actions according to my values.

“Gratitude is the most passionate transformative force in the cosmos. If you give thanks for five gifts every day, in two months you may not look at your life in the same way as you might now.”

– Sarah Ban Breathnach

Gratitude is a key to joy. Being grateful regardless of the circumstances offers us incredible freedom. It is not a matter of having rose-colored glasses or running from inevitable twists and turns, for challenges that are denied or ignored will resurface for further examination.
We must face challenge assuming there is a gem to be had. Although grief, disappointment, and anger can sometimes pull us off track, if we ride the wave rather than attach to our pain, it will play it’s course and guide us to the silver lining. At each choice point we can see ourselves as a victim or as one who thrives in spite of challenges.

MY SHORTCUT TODAY:
Today I attune my eyes to look for the gifts even in tragic or challenging situations, confident that the blessings will reveal themselves. I embrace the wave of emotions that comes with disappointments, but know that they will pass to reveal benefits for my personal growth. I notice even small gifts, for what I focus on expands.

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessing instead of sheep
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings”

– lyrics by Diana Kral

Sleepless? Do you toss and turn with your mind flooded with things undone and worries that haunt you? Gratitude is the key. Focus your attention on the miracle of life by recounting all the things, big and small, that have gone well today (are you still breathing?) instead of recounting what you perceive to be your shortcomings.

Let’s say that in any given day one hundred things happen, and ninety-nine go more or less right. There is only one thing out of a hundred that did not go according to your expectations. And yet, what is it that you tend to talk about over dinner? We share our ‘woe is me’ story.

That’s right! We automatically place our focus on the one thing short of our anticipated goal and stretch it out of proportion. By magnifying its importance we invite worrisome thoughts and habituate our ability to notice other irritations. Rather than having a worry-fest to hone your negative thinking that insures despair and worry, we must retrain ourselves to notice and emphasize all the blessings that surround us.

At the end of each day (and at every conscious moment in between) count your blessings instead of your flock of concerns. Announce your positive experiences, to yourself, your family, or captured in a journal. Gratitude provides a wonderful bookend to protect you from fear and prepares your Spirit to surrender the day, find restful sleep, and prepare to greet another day with greater joy, creativity, and hope.

MY SHORTCUT TODAY:
Today I catch my wandering mind before it settles on expanding unnecessarily any disappointments and irritations that come via my judgments. I retrain myself to notice even the simple wonders, and feel my body release tension as I make my bed a place of peace. Here I count my blessings as my ritual to close the day, acknowledge myself for all my good intentions, and surrender my thoughts transformed to happy dreams.