Category — Happiness

To open a door, to let someone else cut in line, to pick up something dropped out of the reach of another… these can be huge gifts even though they appear like small kindnesses.

Life is a group participation experience. There are over six billion of us walking around this planet and it seems unreasonable to think we are meant to manage life alone. No one need feel isolated if only we dare to reach out to one another. And yet, connection does little if it remains superficial and meaningless or only practiced if self-serving.

We must dare, not only to connect, but also, in order to have the peace we all long for we must learn to be kind.

But has kindness become obsolete? Have we become too busy and numb that we have forgotten how to be compassionate with one another? Life is messy and now moves at such a hurried pace.

Too many men have forgotten the power that comes from tenderness and slowing to truly listen, and too many women have abandoned their authentic nature to survive in the fast paced and competitive game that has long been played by men. Standing elbow to elbow we have somehow created separation by forgetting that control is an illusion, perfection is fleeting, excellence is possible, and love is the answer to every question. [Read more →]

“The greatest gift we give ourselves or anyone else
is the quality of our attention.”

– Richard Moss

“We have not been called to change this crazy world.
We are called simply to love it.”

– Maithri Goonetilleke
Australian Doctor, Author and Poet
More ‘Change’ Quotes  Today’s Story: ‘One For
My Sister’

“When we serve, we see the unborn wholeness in
others; others may then be able to see their
wholeness for themselves for the first time.”

– Rachel Naomi Remen MD

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”

– Albert Einstein

Life moves along at a hectic pace these days. In just one day we are bombarded with and expected to process the same amount of information that a century ago was experienced over a two-year period of time.

As many of you know, I have a three-year-old grandson who experiences autism. He is an amazing child who ‘marches to the beat of a different drummer.’ Passionate about the power of connection, I have felt drawn to him who has difficulty connecting, and have shifted my life to be close by to honor him in his world and hopefully expand his world to more fully include ours.

In June I will start a five day intensive training called Son Rise to learn more fully how to be of service to Brody’s needs and set up a home program for him. Who knows where this ‘YES’ will take me. It already has stretched my capacity to love authentically.

This program was started by Barry Kaufman, author of Happiness Is a Choice. Barry has long inspired me, even before I was aware that he had a severely autistic child who has since graduated from Brown University and is the CEO/Director of the Son Rise program at the Autism Treatment Center of America. Miracles do happen, and as Raun, his son, says, “I would rather be accused of having unrealistic optimism than unrealistic pessimism.”

These amazing kids are ever increasing in number, and I believe they are our canaries in the gold mine, here to alert us to the need to transform and heal our world and our way of being in relationship. They are here to remind us what is truly important.

Remember the story or the frogs and boiling water? If a frog is placed in a pot of already boiling water, the frog will make every effort to jump out, but if a frog is placed in a pot of cold water on the stove with gradually increasing heat, instead of jumping out when the water gets too hot, the frog will stay in the water and fall asleep until he meets his doom.

(Image by purpleslog via Flickr)

Reflected in this tendency, humans are similar. As the pace of life has gradually increased, we falsely believe that if we just run fast enough we can keep up with and manage all the pressures! Rather than recognize and declare our limits, we accommodate to the point of not knowing what we want. We are only half present when we are spread too thin. Attempting to juggle one more thing on top of another leads us to a state of “overwhelm” where all we do is react to all we face rather than choose to best design the life we want. We feel a victim of our circumstances rather than a co-creator of our reality. It’s hard to feel happy when we feel we have no life to call our own and stress is our only predictable emotion.

Under this kind of persistent pressure, everything seems urgent and we lose our ability to prioritize. When we are reacting rather than responding, we choose to fulfill the expectations of others rather than make decisions based on our values and what is important to us.

So, what is important to you? [Read more →]

When you first open your eyes in the morning, what is the first thought that crosses your mind?

“Good God, it’s morning!” or “Good morning, God.”

Especially if fatigue permeates you or the pressures nip at your heals, it may be a challenge to ignite your optimism for the day.

If you can embrace that your attitude shapes your outcome, and choose over and over the path of joy, even if step by step, soon sustainable joy will be a way of life, regardless of your circumstances.

I find great joy in passing along the reminders that come my way to keep me on course. I am delighted to promote those who I feel are authentic in offering their wisdom and information to serve in expanding joy.

Here is a meaningful nudge toward happiness I received today from a dear friend, ongoing mentor, and amazing women, Betty Lue Lieber. I trust it will assist you in having a beautiful day, even when there are storms all around you.

Oh What a Beautiful Morning!

When you cannot find the music in your heart,
When you do not hear the birds singing in the trees,
When you are not aware of how much you are loved,
When you are consumed with the business of life……….
Make up your own personal prescription list of how to heal.

When in doubt, Bless
When in fear, Love.
When angry, Breathe.
When critical, Forgive.
When alone, Listen.
When hurt, Comfort.
When lost, Pray.
When unhappy, Appreciate.
When confused, Open.

Life is filled with healing tools.

You are the Healer and the wounded.
You are the Reminder and the forgetful.
You are the Way Finder and the lost.
You are the Chosen One and the dismissed.

Each of us has the power and the purpose to find what is missing.
Each one of us has the inner knowing and the key to the door.
Each one of us has within us the strength and the opportunity.
Each one of us has been where we are before.

We know.
We have.
We are.
We can.

Let us take the time today to stretch our wings and fly.
Stretch our faith, open our heart, soar with joy and bless our lives.
“Birds can fly, so why oh why can’t I?” Somewhere over the Rainbow
Yes, I can.

Betty Lue Lieber, Ph.D. MFT and Robert Waldon, Ph.D. ND
Values-Centered Coaching and Counseling, Holistic Health Consulting
LovingReminders.org
CreativeSolutionsCoaching.org
BettyLue.org
UnityontheDelta.org

Dear Happy Travelers,

Parenting (and grand-parenting) has its bumps and detours, and through it all offers so much joy. Being a grandma is as much fun with less responsibility. Still, one of my greatest challenges is to balance self-care with my urge to care for them. I want to spare both my babies and grandbabies from any hurt and would like to think that I know best.

Here we walk a fine line between Divine Order and Ego Expectations. It is hard to discern sometimes  when to actively help, or when it is best to ‘help’ by ‘not helping.’ Sometimes we guess right and sometimes we guess wrong. Regardless, our intentions are most likely good, and this is important.

It has taken me years of practice to understand (most of the time) that those we love, especially our children, have their own lives. They need to learn from their own mistakes. It can be deceiving, but worry is not the same as love. Worry makes us feel like we are doing something when we feel out of control.

It is important for all of us to remember that it is not our job to fix anyone. It is our place to empower them to know that they carry that strength within themselves… as do I. All we must do is access it. It is so much easier to guide our children and feel we have to define their direction that offer our self the same care and nurturing.

I have always told my daughters that I would rather visit for a few fleeting minutes by choice rather than days and days of forced connection out of obligation. Love is not measured by time, but by authenticity. It is not as much about quantity, but quality of time spent in one another’s company.

As my two daughters continue on their individual unfolding adventure of relationship and parenting I experience a relief in observing that I have nudged them out of the nest with a sense of their own strength and magnificence. We lean on one another often, but know that we can travel the road alone without resentment and expectations. We all forget at times, but when things get tough, they dig deep and access the power that comes when you remember who you really are. As hard as it is, we must not deprive our children to gain the experience of their own power by interfering on their journey. This does not mean we don’t step in to help, but that we do so mindfully, and without guilt when we cannot assist them. We listen from within rather than push from without.

Though my ‘default’ used to be set to worry and fret many years ago, I recognize now (and sometimes day by day) that such concern is really counter-productive. Worry offers us a choice-point… to waste our energy and teach learned-helplessness, or to choose to trust they will find their own way to their magnificence so they can become fully who they are meant to be.

My mom always was the first to remind me that “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” Although we all want the road to be smooth, challenges are often our greatest teacher. The reason I want to jump to their aid is because I’ve gained a bit of wisdom through my mis-steps. Still, there is no better unforgettable lesson learned than through our own experience.

There is nothing more important than to give your child than the courage to know  that they are capable. No one needs to be rescued or fixed… only bathed in the light of encouragement in order to connect with their own wonder.

When we learn how to take full accountability and responsibility for our own happiness and connect fully with our magnificence, the gifts we offer become more true, our happiness is more durable, and blessings become more evident. Life is an incredible dance, an intuitive adventure, where those with hope experience more durable happiness.

After all, would you rather be accused of false-hope or false-pessimism? [Read more →]

I don’t know about you, but meaningful quotes (thank goodness!) seem to find me at just the right moments and re- balance me.

When time is so short and demands are so high, leisure and lengthy reflection opportunities can be illusive.

In those rushed moments quotes like these revive me, remind me of my purpose, untangle what my mind has made difficult, and return me to my  true self.

Do these speak to you today?

Life always gives us
exactly the teacher we need
at every moment.
This includes every mosquito,
every misfortune,
every red light,
every traffic jam,
every obnoxious supervisor (or employee),
every illness, every loss,
every moment of joy or depression,
every addiction,
every piece of garbage,
every breath.

Every moment is the Guru.

– Charlotte Joko Beck
American Author and Zen Teacher

“Every experience in your life is an opportunity to love”

– Rich German

“The mind is the last part of yourself to listen to.
It thinks of everything you can lose.
The heart thinks of everything you can give,
and the soul thinks of everything you are.”

– Neale Donald Walsh [Read more →]

Dear Happy Traveler,

I have always been curious about words… their origin, their apparent meaning, and their embedded or double meaning. As many of you know, I also enjoy revising the meaning to words so they hold a more intentional impact.

A word that caught my fancy recently was one we hear far too often these days: overwhelmed. Everywhere I turned, I hear the word in conversation, experience it in everyone’s attitudes, and witness the result on people’s faces.

Honestly I, too, had a week that tempted me to concur, however, remembered the words of Mother Teresa,

“I know God will never give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Her cantankerous commitment to optimism reminded me to take a deep breath and look again from a different view-point.

With her whispering in my ear, I insisted on believing there has to be a better way than despair, and somehow had it in me to refuse to succumb to this overwhelmed perception that only leads to feeling worse.

These feelings caused me to ponder what exactly is the “whelm” we are “overed” by? Hmmmmm. What is whelm?

whelm
Pronunciation: \?hwelm, ?welm\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English
Date: 14th century
Definition:
1 : transitive verb 1 : to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down, usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with, usually disastrous effect
2 : to overcome in thought or feeling : overwhelm <whelmed with a rush of joy — G. A. Wagner> intransitive verb

When we get attached to the way we think life “should” be, we resist what is, even miss it all together. Life then moves forward about as easy as a car with the parking brake on. Our creativity and compassion shut down, prohibiting us to see all the alternative possibilities for joy available to us, even amidst challenging circumstances. Life becomes a pain in the rear to endure rather than an adventure to be explored. [Read more →]

Autism can be a huge bump on the road to happiness, but it need not be a detour. As a care-giver, it certainly takes you on a journey of personal growth.

Have any of you had your life touched in some way by someone with autism, or on the autistic spectrum, including ADHD? Did you know that 1 out of every 60 kids is diagnosed to be on the spectrum?

My oldest grandson, Parker, who is now 7 has ADHD, and has struggled in school (and at home) as a result. Due to the commitment of his parents and his first grade teacher, he is doing very well. He still has some challenging days, however it is remarkable how much more calm his life is for him and everyone around him due to having him on
what is called the Finegold Diet, free of preservatives, pesticides, dairy and eggs.

Then along comes my second grandson. Although in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit the first 3 days of his life, he seemed to meet all his developmental milestones, although he was always plagued by ear infections and was prescribed antibiotic after antibiotic along the way. However, by about 18 months he started to regress.
What little speech he had began to disappear. He had less and less eye contact and seemed to spend more and more time in his own world.

My background in early childhood education told me that by age 2 he should have at least 20 words, so we stepped out of our denial and began the journey of learning the impact of high levels of mercury and other heavy metals
trapped in his body, and other sensitivities that cloud his brain.

Now Brody in 3 and a half. He has come along way with the help of a gluten free/casien free/dairy free diet, although still has many self-stimulation behaviors. For Brody, his most severe behavior is echolalia. He repeats books that have been read to him or dialogue he has heard only once over and over. He is very bright, can recognize many words but has little understanding of language. Tantrums are a regular indication of him being over-stressed, and the bigger he gets the harder they get. Of all of these it symptoms it seems hardest that Brody cannot spontaneously tell his mom or his dad that he loves them.

We have taken a biomedical approach, and Brody will soon begin I. V chelation therapy. His parents even made the hard decision to short-sale their house that is on the take-off flight path of a major airport to minimize his
exposure to the jet fuel that contains the contaminants that have rained on him since he was born. All of this is calling us to be more mindful of pollution and do what we can to create a more green environment for all our kids.

The other day my daughter showed me an ad in Parent’s Magazine for weighted vests that looks like a fireman’s or a policeman’s uniform. Children with sensory needs often benefit from the added weight to ‘ground’ them. I commented to my daughter how we have normalized this problem. Now in a magazine for typical children, products to deal with sensory issues are becoming mainstream and accepted as normal.

These amazing young people seem to have a divine assignment. They are our canaries in the gold mine if we dare to listen. They are telling us through the oddities of their challenges that our earth is troubled and our abilities to
deeply connect and communicate are in peril. It is not only about what we are here to teach them, but I think even more important to become curious about what they are here to teach us. They are calling us to deepen the quality of
our relationships and fine-tune our ability to see joy in the oddest places. They invite us to make friends not only with technology, but with one another, face to face, heart to heart. They challenge us to look beyond differences
to see our common ground. [Read more →]

“You start dying when you have nothing to live for.
You start living when you find something worth dying for.”

– Mark Batterson (author, Wild Goose Chase)

Whew! I don’t know about you, but my life has been very full. It has been said that life is a banquet. Well, my plates are very full!

I have at times felt that my life is split. I feel pulled between the needs of my grandkids (one boy with autism, two with ADHD, and a 7 month old grand-daughter on the brink of crawling, all living in Los Angeles), my passion for developing my work and sustainability in a way that is congruent with who I am and in the service of making the world a better place, other worldly demands, my friends in Port Townsend, WA, and my longing for stillness to connect with my spiritual core and rejuvenate.

What if  I tweaked my vision to see this as a whole, rather than divergent parts? What if I shelved any resistance and opened my arms to what is, seeing it as an invitation, rather than an inconvenience?

Happiness calls us. It is a constant, just like the sun, even when sometimes hidden by the clouds. It is not the circumstances that matter most.

To expand my happiness, this week I will practice opening my arms to it all that feeds my intuition rather than my logic. I seldom slide into feeling a slave to it all, although I can get a bit weary. I just wish each day had more hours. But really, what if … what if it were all as it is meant to be? What if these compartments of life are not cages? Who would I be if my energy did not fight what seems to be unfolding and instead expected miracles? What if the adventure is to opportunity to see the blessings in the cracks in the sidewalk and the calling to access all that we are?

I am most alive and joyful when I stretch in reply to an inkling, following an intuitive call into the unknown in a way that defies logic, but feels right.

I don’t see life as the pursuit of playing it safe. Some people really cling to their comfort zone. That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate a chance to rest and retreat from time to time, but I know not to get attached to the predictable. Passion and growth come from stepping into the unknown, listening within, welcoming the adventure, and trusting that all is well.

I love when synchronicities find me. I consider them miracles that I have magically attracted. They are a delightful delivery form of the next pieces of the puzzle.

A dear kindred friend and life-coach, Shannon Bruce, referred me to a wonderful book, Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. I decided to download a sample chapter from the author’s website.

After being drawn into this tidbit with no time to spare, I felt soothed and relieved. I am OK. It’s all OK. My Renaissance Spirit is OK.

I suggest you run, don’t walk, to download your chapter of Wild Goose Chase, too . I love the way Mark Batterson writes. The description and story of a Wild Goose connected with me in a powerful way.

So, what used to feel like being pulled in too many directions now feels like an adventure so many women I know are on. I feel reasured that I am most certainly on the road of conscious happiness.

How can we best describe what we are feeling as we sit just past the New Year with anticipation seeded with hope about the year ahead?

I find it insightful that the ancient Chinese hexagram for crisis means both danger and opportunity. If we are wise we understand that we are the one who can influence the outcome. This year is in our hands.

Stress is not a bad thing. What makes it good or bad is what we do with each obstacle or concern through our thoughts and actions. Whether we choose to react or respond is what defines it as a detriment or an opportunity.

Crisis makes us alert. Danger naturally focuses our minds. At inevitable moments when we are faced with challenge we instinctively react, contract, withdraw, or retreat with a sense we must protect, defend, and retaliate. If our focus is consumed here, creativity and compassion dissolve.

Getting stuck here at this choice point is something we do, our friends do, and countries do. War within or without is the result.

Is there another way? We are called to take the next step, and the choice of what direction we lean into is ours. It is this (even) baby step that will make the significant difference.

To respond rather than react is the conscious choice we are called to make if we are to move beyond believing war is an inevitable means of solving a problem. By looking for the opportunity or simple joy in each challenge, each crisis, each stressful situation, we refocus our attention on possibility, and therefore embrace peace instead of war, happiness instead of depression. We become the change we want to see in the world.

The accumulative energy generated by holding hands with those willing to do the same creates and sustains the momentum for positive change we need right now. Becoming determined to recognize the choice point and take the higher road is a courageous evolutionary act.

Crisis reveals opportunity. Along with disappointments, loss, heart ache and overwhelm also come the opportunity to connect more authentically, forgive more deeply, love unconditionally, and become more creative.

As an instrument of our conscious evolution and to actively participate in the generation of sustainable happiness, all we need do is recognize this choice point. Respond rather than react, forgive rather than judge, collaborate rather than compete, make love, not war, inside and out. Any step is valued. Repeat over and over.

Don’t allow yourself to be defeated by crisis. Don’t waste the opportunities it brings. Open to the possibilities and lessons woven within each obstacle instead, determined to transform. Expect the miracle to be there, if they aren’t, create them, and be willing to harvest the benefits.

This way LovEvolves. This way we are sure to have a Happy New Year all year long… to infinity and beyond.