:: The Center of Happiness ::

This is a book you will return to often. It’s a great gift for someone who needs a nudge out of being a victim, especially if that someone is you!

This story and its message is simple, clear, and memorable. If you are ready to break free of the ‘drama triangle’ and hang up co-dependency once and for all, give The Power of T. E. D. a read. It will definitely put you on a smoother road to happiness.

With co-creative freinds and founders, Ann Smith and Carol Hansen Grey at Circle Connections (http:www.circleconnections.com), we are formulating a Circle Connections Leadership Certification program especially for those hungry for peace and aware of the importance of a feminine model of empowerment (Yin-Powerment). We plan to include this easy to understand concept for breaking free of the ‘Drama Triangle’ as an essential basic ingredient of our leadership curriculum.

For sure, I give this book an enchanting ‘thumbs-up’.

Hello Friends, Traveling Companions,

Like each of us, I imagine, it is my longing to made a difference in some way… to live, to laugh, to love, and to leave a meaningful legacy. This week my grandsons and daughters have been ill with the flu while managing an onslaught of other life circumstances that seem to come all at once.

At times like these it is hard being so many miles away. Every alarm goes off in my ‘mommy’ soul that I am to be there to fix it somehow, or at least be there to provide a comforting cloth applied to a weary forehead. Sick or well, there is nothing better than sitting and snuggling with a little one, no matter what their age.

To shrink the distance between us I stay connected by phone, and vision them as healthy. Even amidst the challenges I observe the grace with which my daughters face the unknowns and unexpecteds, even when they might disagree. Perhaps my job as I have defined it in many ways may already be done. When I can’t rescue, nurture or help with hands on assistance it seems it is the Universe’s way of demonstrating how capable my daughter’s are, and even for me to rest assured that I have done a good job in loving them along the way. Maybe we did something right together, and now they too get to learn and apply the ‘mommy magic’ to make their little guys feel better. Through their own maneuvering through the challenges that come with the territory of motherhood I see them expand their own compassion and resilience that will be passed along, shape-shifted by their own experience and interpretation. Having the distance between us, as it seems was what was necessary this time, was somehow perfect and allowed their confidence and my letting go process to expand.

They are all on the mend, and still, just for good measure, I will share with them and with you…

Dr. Grandma Tutu’s Cheat Sheet for a Happy Life:

1. Not everyone will like you. Don’t let that stop you. Love yourself anyway. The way you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you.

2. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Get clear on your own values, forgive quickly, loosen your grip, lean into life, learn to be compassionate by standing in the shoes of another, and treat people fairly regardless of how they treat you.

3. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, and a part of the journey, but suffering is optional. Don’t hang out with ‘victims’ and don’t be one, yourself.

4. We don’t always get what we want when we want it, but we always get what we need. There are always blessings. Accept them gratefully without whining.

5. Change is an essential part of balance, and creativity is an essential part of evolution. What you resist persists, and shift happens. Open up, dare to question, think outside the box, color outside the lines, go with the flow, listen beyond words, love yourself as much as you love others, and follow your heart no matter what your age.

6. Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. The good news is that you can be happy regardless of your circumstances, so respond rather than react, and focus on what’s working.

7. Strive for excellence rather than perfection, for perfection is fleeting and success required only that you get up one more time than you fall.

8. Chocolate does have nutritional value. Enjoy every bite of life, eat dessert first sometimes (ice cream is my favorite), and celebrate small steps along the way.
9. Our bodies (and sometimes our minds) will wear out. Complain less. Enjoy each moment more. Never once in the history of the Universe has worrying ever changed an outcome. Get off the ‘pity potty’ and trust that where you are is where you are meant to be. Learn to love what is.

10. No one gets out alive, but you don’t need to die alone, or live feeling alone for that matter. Your relationships are more important than things and love is the only thing you can take with you. Connect. Love yourself as much as you love others. Laugh often. Forgive quickly. Learn relentlessly, and leave an authentic legacy. Believing is seeing, so never stop believing that peace is possible.

In Joy,
Rhonda

“Have in your mind that which would constitute a miracle for you. Get the vision. Suspend disbelief and skepticism. Allow yourself to take the journey toward real magic.”

– Wayne Dyer

The Law of Attraction calls first for you to know what you don’t want. From this you then can more easily define clearly what you do want. But manifesting does not stop there. You must not only vision what you want in your minds eye, but you must feel it in every fiber of your being. Drink in the feelings and emotions of having what you long for as if it were already yours. Surrender your negative beliefs and let go of all doubt. If you must, pretend! When you believe it is possible you are on the journey of real magic.
The mind is a powerful thing when combined with the appropriate feelings. What we focus on expands and what we believe, feel, and appreciate is what we then see.
One final ingredient necessary to attract meaning, foster prosperity, and create happiness is one of self-worth. You must believe you are worthy of the miracles you request to open the flow.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I believe in magic. I throw away what I don’t want, take the time to clarify what I do want and enjoy feeling the wonders of having it as if it is already realized. I confidently co-create and call to me limitless possibilities to have what I long for knowing I am worthy of true joy and abundance.

“If the only prayer you ever said was ‘Thank You’, that would be enough.”
– Meister Eckhart

Humble and authentic gratitude is indeed a powerful prayer. To be grateful for not only big things, but simple blessings can carry us beyond challenging circumstances with a greater sense of contentment.

One of the greatest heartaches we feel is a lack of acknowledgement. Too seldom are we fully appreciated for our contributions and not often enough do we appreciate the gifts of others sent our way. Yet, it is these simple gestures that grows true happiness and expands our sense of worth. Gratitude, given and received, heals these wounds of ‘not enoughness’ and paves the path to a greater happiness. It is an essential key to happiness.

Gratitude must come from the heart and should not be offered as a way to initiate something being offered in return. The amazing thing is that when a heart-felt ‘thank you’ is given without strings, it magically offers a huge return. Giving really is receiving.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I offer thanks in abundance. I notice each kind gesture, big and small from the sweet scent of fresh flowers and an available parking space to business referrals or expensive gifts. I am grateful not only for the gifts and kindness I receive from others, but know it is important that I be grateful for myself, knowing and appreciating my worth.

“The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.”

– The Dalai Lama

Old habits die hard. Many of us hinder our happiness, trapped by the habit of negative thinking. Our unconscious focus is on all that seems not to be working. This expands that reality, and causes us to miss the simple wonders that far out-number any obstacles and irritations.

Look around you for 30 seconds and memorize everything that is the color brown. Now, close your eyes, and call out all the things that are the color… green.

It is far easier to recall all the things that were brown because we placed our focus there. It would be far less productive to have you recall all the things that were green.

Whether amidst a big or small crisis, find your way back by looking for the blessing. There is great value in retraining your focus to notice all that is working around you, life’s simple pleasures and tender moments, than to belabor and exaggerate those things that seem askew.

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
I breathe deep today, and trust that even in challenging times there are ultimate blessings. I sort my thoughts and refine my vision to see miracles even in simple things, especially in simple things.

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

“Imagine a Woman” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995
Excerpt: Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself (Conari, 1999)
Available in English: Postcard and poster formats.
Available in Spanish: Postcard format.
“Mannequin” © Patricia Lynn Reilly, 2006
http://www.OpenWindowGallery.com

Everybody can be great. because anybody can serve.

You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.
You don’t have to make your subject and verb
agree to serve.

You only need a heart full of grace.
A soul generated by love.

~ Martin Luther King, Jr. ~

Rhonda: I am back from a retreat weekend, a few days with amazing women devoted to the power of shared leadership, authentic communication, and self-appreciation to make an important difference in the world. I have shared treasured time with ’souls generated by love’ and ‘hearts full of grace.’ I am happy.

I am a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, with a beauty that doesn’t wash off. I earned it, unearthed it, rescued it like a jewel in the dust, picked it up and made it shine.
For years, I did not see it, though I sensed it was there. Now it dazzles and thrives.
I am healthy, capable, independent, strong yet still so fragile, floored by a sigh. My body is that of a creator—–angles meeting curves, hardness drifting into soft.
I am mother, daughter, sister, lover to myself. Embraceable and brave, I extend my heart.
My body is home, my home a shrine to life, comfortable, warm and rich with treasures. Mine is the scent of hot spices caught in a breeze, mine the laughter that wings through the door. I share myself only with those who honor me as I am and protect myself, my house, and my time from invaders.
I search for my center in the midst of chaos, practice peace as wild dogs clamor in my mind. I use power for the greater good, release rage in neutral settings, with no one innocent in the line of fire.
I am learning how to persist and when to let go, am willing to feel all emotion stop their depths and exaltations, to wake up in every nerve and no longer am afraid of my life.
Both my beauty and strength transcend age, time and perhaps even this lifetime.
Each day I am new, yet more at home in myself. Moment by moment, I create my world.

~Karen Andes
A Women’s Book of Strength; An Empowering Guide to Total Mind/Body Fitness

Women see the big picture. It is our nature. Although when necessary we have adapted to linear thinking, we are designed to be multi-taskers, visionaries, and aware of a larger perspective for the greater good. Part of our journey is to build a new bridge between ‘Mars’ and ‘Venus’ by coloring outside the lines, stretching the rules. Women are called somehow to poke around until the new steps reveal a way for men and women to blend our experience, embrace and honor our differences, and unite our gifts in a mutually beneficial way. Without this leap of faith, peace will never happen.

I had to laugh when I heard the observation made by Barbara DeAngeles, a relationship expert, that women and men think and process life like their genitals. She stated, “Women talk in circles and men talk in a straight line!” The truth of this statement stopped me in my tracks.

Sadly, many women have lost a certain sense of knowing who they are as a result of living and working in a man’s world. We have allowed that ‘straight line’ way of being to silence our creativity and hide our compassionate gifts. But, the good news is that many women are now at an edgy place of unrest that is nudging them back into seeing the benefits of their circular way of being in the world.

For centuries, women’s big picture way of being has been discouraged, devalued and suppressed, but women no longer seem comfortable with or capable of remaining silent. Something now is bubbling up and we are actively reclaiming our voices, not in the abrasive feminist style of the 60’s, but with a new emerging face of the feminine that calls for a redefinition of our power, a feisty implementation of our energy, the shining of our grace and a non-violent way of connecting. We need to move forward with clear intention and without interruption, accepting that life is messy, no longer waiting for permission.

While some women are just peeking their heads out from under the covers, others are surging forward with the energy of a beach ball that can no longer be held under water. Some are more aware than others of the legacy of the ancestors that preceded them. There have always been bold women but now they are connecting to share the journey. In big and small ways we are percolating, lunging, inching, and being drawn forward more connected than ever before.

This new face of the feminine calls for leaving our petty differences behind and focusing on what meaningfully matters for the greatest good of all. We must unite inspired by our common ground, rather than allow our differences to contaminated our freedom. Each of us in our own way are choosing to hold again the out-stretched hand of our intuition, and from this place of trusting our self and others, we are sometimes guessing right and sometimes guessing wrong when best to be subtle and when to be bold.

This is just a part of the evolutionary dance of woman. By applying our experience, valuing our wisdom, giving from our hearts, learning how to receive, exposing our strengths, and daring to be prosperous with a feminine touch, we are shedding our scarcity beliefs and sharing our talents with a renewed certainty that we hold a secret to a more peaceful and respectful way of life on our planet.

Now is an exciting time. Women are feeling the pressures for change, and are asking, “What if I really am magnificent? And what if all women lived life as if we believed it until we fully remember our truth?

Regardless of the path we choose, women are daring to step back into their innate essence through their insights, dreams, and actions. Without their visionary thinking, our world will be lacking in innovation and fresh approaches necessary to lead us back to peace.

“But, I’m just little old me?” you might say. “What do I have to contribute?” “I’m not an activist.” “I’m too old.” “I’m too young.” “I don’t have enough time.” “I don’t have enough energy.” “Joey has soccer practice.” “I need to focus on making money.”

Here’s the deal. It’s not necessarily about ‘doing’. It’s about ‘being’ fully who you are in whatever you do! It’s about daring to clarify what you want, and embrace the magnificence of who you are, free of fear.

Here are a few ideas for unleashing your creativity and embracing your role as an evolutionary woman, even if in small ways…

1. Give yourself time If you don’t, no one else will
You are responsible for your own happiness, and believe me, everyone else will be happier when you are happier. Set the priority in place and declare your space, then honor it. Build the rest of your life around it. We teach people how to honor us by how we honor our self. If you don’t honor yourself, no one else will.

2. Dare to vision, dream, create, and harness your ideas
Turn off your self-critical voice and just allow your creative thoughts to bubble up. It’s fun. No matter how outrageous or silly, far-out or impossible they may seem, catch your ideas, jot them down, tell a trusted friend, ponder over a cup of tea, journal, give them a life, play them out in your imagination, and revisit them from time to time. Like a garden, some will grow and some will not. But don’t discard your creativity before your give it a chance to take root.

3. Acknowledge your strengths
Women have been so good at meeting the expectations of others that we have lost touch with what we really want. What is calling you? If we don’t answer this question it becomes easy to blame others for not having what we want. It is so easily get trapped doing what we ’think’ we ‘should’ rather than listening for what pulls at our heart strings. Women ‘allow’ rather than ‘force’ by nature. It’s time to identify what be want, and to fully honoring our own talents and strengths if we are to breathe new life into our magnificence.

As women, we have come to see and accept life being a struggle, and often feel we are swimming upstream weighted down by our fears. An important step for creative women and entrepreneurs is to flush out limited thinking and refocus on all that is working around us. As we shift our beliefs and adjust our perspective life can flow naturally, come more easily, and unfold effortlessly. Celebrate even small steps forward, and know that a bigger picture of forward motion may require a few steps backward. The circumstances don’t matter. It’s the grace with which we manage them makes a difference.

4. Reframe “overwhelm”
Challenges need not be an enemy, but can easily be that if perceived as such. Overwhelm is sometimes caused by having too much on our plate. Acknowledgement is often the ‘reward’ from outer sources when we are appearing to be too busy. Overwhelm can become an unconscious way we get attention. Odd as it seems, we manufacture our busy-ness so we can be admired for our overwhelm management skills, rather than choosing a more peaceful way of managing life.

Important steps for calming our busy-ness and overwhelm is to set clear boundaries and to manage our self-care. Dare to say ‘No’ and say ‘Yes’ only when you truly mean it. Respond rather than react. Breathe. Find an appropriate outlet for your frustration and anger. Taking on too many responsibilities will burn you out, blur your focus, and zap your creative abilities. The greatest gift you can give another is to take full accountability and responsibility for your own happiness.

Then, get real with time management. If you are fooling yourself about how you use your time and don’t set clear intentions and priorities to guide your evolution you will feel overwhelmed. You will be zapped of your energy, your focus, as well as the authentic connection to your self and the ones you love.

Overall, live life with clear intentions, clear about what you want, but with a looser grip. Let life lead.

5. Listen beyond words and beyond your own filters
Women observe by nature. We drink in the big picture and see the subtle details. We read people’s energy and have those funny inner feelings that forewarn us of conflict ahead. We also have a huge capacity to be loving and compassionate, often at our own expense. When you truly nurture yourself you can authentically serve another.

Notice what is being said beyond the words being used. What do you hear people truly asking for? What are they NOT saying? What are they complaining about? Remove your own biases and filters as you listen. Listen for what they need rather than react to what they feel. Stand in the shoes of another. Ask open-ended questions, look for themes, and expect miracles.

Women are evolving. We are not called to figure out the answer, but rather to allow the answer to come to us. After all, life is a journey, not a destination. Ask yourself often, would you rather be right or happy?

6. Embrace and nurture your intuition
Women have hunches, nudges, and knowings. We push them away or kill them with logic. Take time with yourself. Listen for your own voice. Learn to trust and welcome that whispering voice of guidance that stirs within you. Lean into it and follow your hunches and intuitions. Only then will you rediscover they are instrumental in you fully discovering who you are. You are afraid that the one you will find will be horrific and less than wonderful. This is the lie that hold’s women back. The truth is that we are magnificent beyond our belief and can no longer afford to play small.

7. Talk about your ideas
Create a circle of trusted friends, a supportive group of women who are willing to lovingly hold you to your highest and best. Weed out those who undermine your success. Don’t surround yourself with those who will allow you to remain a victim of life or who embellish your fears. Place less energy in forcing dysfunctional relationships to work, and instead put your time and energy into cultivating relationships that have a foundation of unconditional love. Life is too short wasting time on a ‘pity party’. Connection is built into a woman’s DNA, so create a mutually safe place with other like-minded women to commit to your evolving personal growth and consciousness. Ask for honest feedback, create and play with them, or call on them when you need help.

Women are so much better at giving than receiving, but you cannot give from an empty cup without eventually feeling resentment. Learn to receive support, and only give from a replenished heart.

8. Play, meander, wander, rest, be still, or go on an adventure
If you feel stuck, even when surrounded by a huge pile of ‘shoulds’, change your location, have a good laugh or a good cry. Take a walk. Get out and play. Go do something (anything!) other than what you ‘think’ you ‘should’ be doing. Change your surroundings, your focus, and change your mood. Reconnect with your heart, your body, and your true essence. Make room for your creativity and your perspective to return to you.

Evolutionary women have the innate ability to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. We see the potential and possibilities in just about anything and delight in simple pleasures. When you open your heart to your visionary skills, you will see you are not alone. There is a huge sisterhood of women who see the big picture, are ready to sing, and who with you tenderly hold peace in the palm of their hand.

Copyright 2006, all rights reserved
Reprint permission is granted if contact information is included in publication.

Rhonda Hull, Ph.D.
Professional Speaker, Mentor, and Author
of Drive Yourself Happy: A Motor-vational
Maintenance Manual for Maneuvering
Through Life

As a professional speaker, happiness mentor, and author of “Drive Yourself Happy”, let Dr. Rhonda Hull act as you ‘life driving instructor’ assisting you as you maneuver the road to personal balance, professional success, and authentic happiness. Rhonda has what it takes to guide you on your journey, making even the potholes along the way a valuable part of the adventure.

Visit: www.detourfromstress.com
Comments welcome at info@driveyourselfhappy.com

The Center of Happiness
P. O. Box 1667
Port Townsend, WA 98368
360.385.5850