:: The Center of Happiness ::

Dear Treasured Traveling Companions,

‘It’s possible for you to feel happy—and that
choice is yours to make at any moment.’
– Michael Neill (http://www.geniuscatalyst.com/)

I have had a horrible allergy for far too long.
Perhaps you do, too. Sales and marketing have
somehow seemed against my nature. I have felt
that to sell or promote compromises your integrity.
I have not felt comfortable in this role for as long
as I can remember. I have held the belief that
self-promotion is shameful and making money
means that someone else goes without. Pretty
limiting mis-beliefs, don’t you think?

We all have our old stories that we live as if they
were true. But, they ain’t necessarily so. Realizing
this, I have been on the journey of re-writing my
old stories and redefining my relationship with my
work, with money, and with promotion so that I
can do the work that I love, live prosperously so
I can be generous, and reach those whose road
may become easier by my services. Sales, promotion,
and prosperity can be slimy or spiritual, meaningful
or maddening. I get to choose. If I want to serve and
make a difference, it’s about time I get over the old
limiting beliefs and make room for what makes joy
possible.

I think many of us share this allergy, and in taking
proactive steps toward peace, freedom, joy and success,
I have included making friends with money, sales and
marketing as essential to my journey. It has always been
easy for me to promote those who I have been touched
by, but self-promotion has had its roadblocks.

Money, promotion and success aren’t bad. They need
not lead to slimy, pushy behavior. When offered with
integrity and honesty, they lead instead to being a channel
of service, support, and mutual gain. I can’t remember
who it was that said, “Money does not make a man,
but reveals him”. All I need to do is be who I authentically
am as I share my passions and insights.

A friend, coach, and colleague in the field of
happiness who has helped me expand my vantage
point, undo my ‘nots’ and get of my ‘but’ is Michael
Neill. He is an amazing writer, coach, radio host,
and voice-over talent. Michael is the voice of the Villian
in Scooby Doo, so he has my grandson’s deep admiration
for a reason other than mine. Simply put, he is a light
hearted, creative gem of a man who offers many practical
gifts.

I have the authentic honor to nudge you to purchase
Michael Neill’s newest book, Feel Happy Now! Feel Happy
Now! is one of those books you will read more than once
and return to often. It gives you a life-line to joy in turbulent
times. As you Drive Yourself Happy, this is a book you
will want to take along for the ride!

So, either go buy it right now (http://www.geniuscatalyst.com/),
or here’s more…

In his bestseller You Can Have What You Want, Michael
Neill revealed the practical benefits of cultivating inner
happiness for creating tangible real-world success. Now
he reveals the “how” of happiness—simple, effective ways
to make immediate and lasting changes to your moods,
your outlook, and your life. Inside, you will find key
formulas, experiments, and techniques to help you
experience your capacity to choose and to change.

. The Myths of Happiness—I’ll be happy when…, it’s not
possible to be happy in certain situations, and unhappiness
is good for us

. The Happy Formula—give yourself better feelings, tell
yourself better stories, and act on your inner knowing

. The Permission Principle—the reason people aren’t
happier more of the time isn’t because they can’t be—
it’s because they think they shouldn’t be

. Three-Step Recipe for Happiness and Well-Being—
on demand, anytime you want

. Behavioral Prozac™—ten small changes in the way
you think and what you do that will have a profound
effect on your well-being

Order your copy of Feel Happy Now! and discover
that there is always something you can do to make
things better. Send Michael your receipt and he’ll
send you a link to a collection of ‘Happy’ downloads.
Order 5 or more and he’ll send you a signed copy of
his new 6-CD set Effortless Success absolutely free!

Your Keys to Happiness from Michael Neill’s Feel
Happy Now!
Happiness is the process of creating and experiencing
good feelings in your body and mind, moment by
moment by moment.

While in theory happiness makes us feel wonderful,
in practice it enables us to create a more and more
wonderful life. The three tools we use to build our
happiness—the way we use our body, the maps we
make in our minds, and the stories we tell ourselves—
are the same tools we employ to make ourselves
miserable. Once you master the process, you get to
choose the result.

As you learn to stop arguing with reality, let go of
trying to control what’s outside of your control,
and start making clear choices about how you
want to be and behave in the world, you’ll find
yourself with less stress and greater serenity
than ever before.

…perhaps the greatest secret in life is this: There
is nothing wrong with you. Except for the stories
you may be telling yourself about how you’re
supposed to be, what you’re supposed to be doing,
and who you’re supposed to (or not supposed to)
be doing it with, you are perfect exactly as you are.

…it isn’t just what we do when we’re happy, but our
happiness itself that makes a difference in the world.

Occasionally, someone will ask whether using these
tools will mean that they’ll never feel unhappy again.
Fortunately, the answer is no—I’ve yet to come across
a lasting, meaningful happiness that doesn’t include
the full spectrum of experience and emotion. But I
know for myself the joy of a life that gets better and
better as I become happier and happier.

Praise for Michael’s book, Feel Happy Now!P…for
Michael Neill and Feel Happy Now!
‘Warning! As you read this book you will experience
many immediate positive side effects, including
gentle smiles and greater happiness. Michael Neill
evokes intimacy and hope in every chapter!’

– Robert Holden, Ph.D., author of Happiness NOW!

‘What Michael Neill has to say works. Read this book
and feel happy!’

– Candace B. Pert, Ph.D., best-selling author of
Everything You Need To Know To Feel Go(o)d

‘All I say is IT’S ABOUT TIME! Michael Neill has directed
the process of change in the direction that works. It
should be a lesson to everyone who wants to change
lives—happiness is where we need to go. Michael lays
out the what and the how in an easy-to-use format.
Not just good reading, but good living.’

– Dr. Richard Bandler, behavioral technologist and
co-creator of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

‘Michael Neill has written a simple roadmap to
understanding everything you need to know about
feeling happy… It is an effective and entertaining
guide that deals with issues that one would normally
consider to be hard and heavy. If you are depressed,
think you could be feeling down, or simply just want
a better quality of life, this book is your essential guide.’

– Oli Barry, BAFTA and Grierson Award-winning
director of Bye Bye Happiness

‘Michael Neill is a genius in making the accumulated
wisdom of his own and humanities’ search for
happiness available to busy, modern, and often
stressed-out Westerners. This book gives you
profound yet eminently practical ways for realizing
spontaneous joy and deep fulfillment. I highly recommend
it.’

– Dr. Peter Fenner, author of Radiant Mind: Awakening
Unconditional Presence and Intrinsic Freedom

‘This book is a brimming, practical miracle! What a spot-
on distillation of exactly what we each need to practice to
cultivate a lighthearted life.’

– Jennifer Louden, best-selling author of The
Woman’s Comfort Book

‘Michael Neill is the finest success coach in the world
today. The time I’ve spent reading and rereading
Michael’s work has made a remarkable difference
to my success, happiness, and well-being. I have
recommended it to everyone I know who is genuinely
interested in self-improvement.’

– Paul McKenna, best-selling author of Change
Your Life in 7 Days

To read the Preface and Introduction to Feel Happy
Now!, visit:
http://www.geniuscatalyst.com/fhn1.php

I couldn’t be happier about suggesting you part with
some of your hard earned cash! Go buy Michael’s
book now!

In Joy,
Rhonda

Can you have one without the others?

It seems that they are not pieces, but rather intricately woven together. They call us to return to and to remember who we innately are in each stretch we make to live a joyful life.

It seems peace, happiness, freedom, and love itself are about accessing the joyful life that is available to us with each breath, in each moment, if we expand our willingness and commitment to see, hear and feel who we really are.

“Pollution, fraud, war, greed — whatever and wherever the waste we see — virtually every problem in our world today has its invisible root in the insatiable act of trying to escape ourselves.”

– Guy Finley

I was touched by this profound quote and the following article, written by Guy Finley.

http://www.guyfinley.com/Key_Lessons/Expanded_Lessons/Further_Understanding/3000/?src=KL&lyid=106747486

Although not ‘kosher’ in the marketing world to ever send people away for your website, I prefer to break that rule often. There is no such thing as scarcity, and it is important to me that people have the resources they need to activate their magnificence. This is prosperity that will find its way to me. This serves my happiness and the fulfillment of my life, too.

What a joyful thought, that everyone plug into their magnificence, trusting all is well, surrounded by and connected to others willing to be happy, too! Peace, hmmmmmm.

Rhonda’s comments:
OK, sports fans. This one’s for you! Steve Goodier always makes wonderful contributions to wisdom and happiness through is articles and stories.

Also I post this in honor of my son-in-law, who is a devoted Bronco’s fan.

So… enjoy.

Rhonda

THE POWER OF LAUGHTER

Did you follow the 1987 football season when the Denver Broncos
played the Cleveland Browns for the AFC title?

Less than two minutes remained in the game and Cleveland was ahead by
a touchdown. The Broncos had just fumbled the ball out of bounds on
their own 1/2-yard line. Hostile Cleve land fans were already throwing
dog biscuits onto the field and celebrating a sure Cleveland win.

While the announcer was discussing who Cleveland would play in the
Super Bowl and Den ver fans were nursing bruised egos, the Bron cos
huddled in their own end zone. Quarterback, John Elway, was known for
miraculous wins, but this situation was almost impossible.

All-pro left tackle, Keith Bishop, looked around the huddle at his
teammates, took a deep breath and said, “Hey, now we got them right
where we want them!” Tense silence was broken by laughter. One player
laughed so hard he fell down! Somehow the joke lent perspective to an
absurd situation and a sense of calm confidence replaced anxiety.

What followed has been dubbed in the an nals of football lore as The
Drive. In less than two minutes, John Elway and the Broncos drove the
length of the field and tied the game with just sec onds left. They won in
overtime and went on to the 1988 Su per Bowl (which, judged by the
Broncos’ poor showing, was itself a kind of joke…).

An amazing shift occurred in the huddle that day. Laughter prepared
them to bring their best to a demanding situation as nervous,
negative energy was swept away in the absurdity of the moment.

Laughter has a way of creating positive change in any tense and
stressful circumstance. But, as Mark Twain said, laughter is the
greatest weapon that we humans possess and it’s the one we use the
least. Daily, we have countless oppor tunities to use the power of
laughter to make a positive difference.

– Steve Goodier
http://www.lifesupportsystem.com

Rhonda’s reflections:

Okay, okay. I know I’m supposed to promote myself on my blog about ons, filters and habits and how each of those aspects of the coaching process impact the results they are ngs and cars but no people.

T: Had it been raining?

P: Not sure - I guess it might have been.

T: So there were puddles?

P: I guess there could have been puddles.

T: And, I’m just guessing here, might there have been fish in
those puddles?

P: Wow - I suppose there might have been…

T: (triumphant) Ah ha! Just as I suspected - fish in the
dreams!

While most of our own biases are not so obvious and don’t seem so silly (at least to us), the point is that if you’re listening for something specific, you’ll tend to find it. Listen for
hesitation in the voice of your partner and boom, you’ve “caught” him lying to you. Listen for warning signs of trouble in your relationship and before you know it, they’ll be
everywhere.

The problem isn’t so much to do with what you’re listening for, but what you’ll miss by listening for it. Whether it’s the affection in your partner’s voice, the look of love in her eyes or the sadness in your child’s heart when they’re telling you about their day, if you’re looking too hard for something else, you’re liable to miss what’s actually there.

As Abraham Maslow once said, “To the man who only has a hammer in the toolkit, every problem looks like a nail.” But when you expand your listening pallet, you will be able to hear more and more.

2. Listening to the voice inside your head vs. Listening to the other person

Have you ever had your best “go ahead - I’m listening” face on while inside your head you’re saying to yourself something like “oh my god I can’t believe they’re telling me this for the nine millionth time will they ever learn what day is it today is it Tuesday I wonder if there’ll be something good on television
tonight…”?

As you may have noticed, when we get caught up in our internal dialogue, we not only lose track of what the other person is saying to us, we often lose the plot altogether. Yet most of us habitually go inside our heads while “listening” in order to formulate our response to what is being said. This is roughly akin to looking for your keys inside the house instead of out in the street because the lighting’s better in your house. If the
keys are outside, you won’t find them on the inside no matter how well illuminated things may seem.

3. Listening hard vs. Listening easy

“Purpose tremor” is a phrase which describes the slight shake most people notice in their hands when they first try to thread a needle or remove the shin bone in a game of “Operation”. Simply put, our muscles work better when we’re not trying so hard to make them work better.

What’s sometimes less obvious is that the same thing is true with our listening:

*It’s easier to hear what’s really going on with other people when we’re not trying so hard to listen to them.

When you listen to another person speaking the way you might listen to pleasant background music (the kind they play on “easy listening” stations), things will often jump out at you which turn out to be the keys to unlocking whatever is going on for that person.

And when you learn to listen to yourself in the same way, it becomes easier and easier to separate out your own mental chatter from the still small voice of wisdom within.

——————–
Today’s Experiment:
——————–

1. Choose a few non-crucial conversations to experiment with this week and notice what you can notice about your own habitual listening filters. Are you listening for problems or opportunities? Holes in their argument or openings for resolution? What they’re saying with their words or what they’re communicating with their feelings?

2. Just for this week, play with turning down the volume on the voice inside your head when you’re listening to someone else speak. Notice how much more you hear, and whether or not this actually does make the other person feel “heard”.

3. Practice “easy listening” this week - listening the way a tape recorder or film camera might do it. No effort involved - just allow the words to come in pass right through with nothing on your mind and no agenda for what you do or don’t want to hear.

Bonus Experiment:
Practice “easy listening” to your own internal dialogue this
week and discover what you can discover.

(c) 2007 Michael Neill/All Rights Reserved

RHONDA’ S UPDATE

Dear Ones,

If this journey has taught me anything, it is that life can change in an instant. Don’t waste a moment harboring resentments or trapped by anger and frustration. Acknowledge those feeling fully or they will revisit, and then choose the quality you want for the next present moment, for it is all you truly have. That is the power of NOW.

Alicia and Steve may feel cumbersome as they maneuver Connor’s path from fever-to-fever and from rash-to-feeding tube mishap, but indeed I see them being guided, willing to adapt to what is, and walking in grace. Steve is strong enough to accept guidance from Alicia, bending with her needs. He willingly gets up with Carson at night and soothes Connor with such tenderness and love. Alicia is so patient, and yet firm. She pulls inside to regroup after each seeming assault of unexpected circumstances, and then like a rock climber she reaches for her next grip. She remembers her foremost intention is to have a healthy son. That re-calibrates everything and somehow it allows her to set her sights on any silver lining she can find. Then, she insists that everyone around her do the same. We have all learned to dance together amazingly well and any upset slides off as if wearing a Teflon raincoat.

This is truly a journey where the next step doesn’t appear until you step (or are sometimes feel pushed) off the cliff. With each breath you are faced with a new choice point… do I give up, or do I live fully. Do I want to be right, or happy?

On Saturday of last weekend’s domino of events the reluctant sun of the Northwest was out and shining bright. Connor was curled up on the couch, very unhappy and withdrawn because of not feeling well and depressed by the upset from the feeding tube. How hard it had been on Friday for Alicia and Steve to hold this little guy down while awake for this uncomfortable and frightening procedure of shoving a tube down his nose.

Alicia has become a master of realizing the importance of milking joy from every opportunity. She motivated us all to get in the van and head for the La Connor Tullip Festival in a near by community. She felt that if Connor would feel lethargic no matter where we were, we might as well tuck him and his brother, Carson, safely in their car seats and head out to see fields of colorful flowers. As Alicia reminded me, we have ‘now’ and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. So off we went.

Connor perked up a bit seeing the flowers, horses, and kites from the window of the car. We even stopped at a beach where he could stretch his spindly little legs, and a smile came back to his face as he threw rocks into the water. He would point out rocks too big for him to manage that he insisted I throw into the water for him. Kerplunk!

Connor has birthed the gift of unity despite differences. He has taught us to remember and choose the things of true importance each moment. The outing brought me such joy, wedged for a day between the two boys in their car seats, drinking in Spring. Connor was content just to hold my hand and stroke my face as he enjoyed life passing by in that outer world. It was a delight to see everyone beyond the walls of the Ronald McDonald House, enjoying the fresh air, noticing the subtle beauties, and forgetting for a few minutes that this little boy is pushing his way through cancer.

Thank you all for your enduring support of this ever-so-sweet family. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts flowing.

In Joy,
Rhonda
(Connor and Carson’s Aunt BoBo)

ALICIA’S UPDATE

Hello to all,

It feels like the last week has been one step forward and two steps back. On Sunday, Connor got another fever so it was off to the ER for the third time in four days. After another round of blood tests, they sent us home with no idea of the source. Thinking the trip to the ER was going to be our event for the day we came home and started to get ready for bed.

As Connor was taking his medicine, he gagged and threw up his feeding tube. I quickly called the doctor and she said that since we had already had a trip to the ER earlier in the day and that he had a doctor’s appointment Monday that we could leave the feeding tube out until Monday unless Steve and I wanted to try to put it back in ourselves. Although I have done MANY things over the last year that I never would have thought I would be able to do there was no way I was going to try to put his feeding tube back in. Leaving it out would be much less traumatic to both him and me.

On Monday, we went to see the doctors at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance to see if they had any ideas for what was going on. Connor saw Dr. Carpenter, a specialist on Graft Verse Host Disease (GVHD). He was almost positive Connor’s symptoms were GVHD related but was not 100% sure, so he scheduled Connor for a scope of his tummy and intestines plus a skin biopsy to see if it was indeed GVHD.

Not long after we arrived home on Monday from our busy day of appointments, Connors fever shot up to 104.7 degrees. This time he was admitted to the hospital so he could be monitored more closely. Connor had his scopes done on Tuesday afternoon and, aside from not being able to eat for the 24 hours leading up to the procedure, he came through everything just fine.

As we waited for the results, I was trying hard to determine exactly what I was hoping the results would be. On one hand, GVHD would mean a longer time on immune suppressive medication and a higher risk of infection but on the other hand, if it was not GVHD it could be something worse and at least the doctors know how to treat GVHD. All suspicions were confirmed when all the tests came back positive for GVHD. For those of you who don’t know GVHD is a condition in which transplanted immune tissue (the donors bone marrow cells) attack the tissues of the new host’s (Connor) body.

At first, I felt a sense of relief that we now know what is wrong but at the same time, I also felt disappointment and frustration. I wanted to go home so badly. As of right now it looks like we will be in the hospital for a few more days and then we will remain in Seattle for a few weeks until we know the medication is working and his weight increases. The doctors started him on a couple of the same immune suppressive medicines he was on last November so now we wait to see how quickly his body will start to respond.

Last week after the doctors gave us the OK to go home I felt uneasy about leaving, but was unsure whether I was feeling this way because I was leaving my “comfort zone” with Connor’s care and support system close by, or if it was because I was worried about his weight loss and rash. I prayed that God would help me to know if going home was the right decision to make at that point. My intuition was right and I am now certain that despite my desire to be home, this is the best place for Connor to be right now.

Steve has been down here for the last two weeks in hopes that we would all be able to return home together as a family. As much as we would all love him to stay here until it is time for us to go we know that it is not possible. Therefore, we will send him home on Sunday with the expectation of joining him very soon.

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support as we maneuver through this bump in our journey.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Please Pray:
The new medicine will start to work quickly
Connors weight will improve
We will be able to return home soon

visit and donate at: www.connordunham.com

Alicia R. Dunham
5130 40th Ave NE
Seattle WA 98105
206-838-0707 Seattle Home

Dear Ones who have held the intention of healing and courage for Connor and his family,

Below is the latest update on his progress, and even with a few setbacks, Connor and the Dunham’s will soon be able to return to Alaska.

I have been playing - with the help of a sister-writer here in Port Townsend - with two new made up words: consti-patience and antici-patience.

Consti-patience is similar to impatience, wanting life to go as we want. We force it along angered by our helplessness and feel backed up with emotion, regret, resentment, resistance, and despair… almost immobilized, and for sure depressed. Our negative emotions take us hostage and we feel blind-sided by life’s challenging circumstances.

Alicia, modeling for the circle of support that surrounds her, has taken on with such AMAZING GRACE the journey from consti-patience to antici-patience. She has found fiber for the soul and has moved free with forward and backward steps. She now sits in antici-patience.

Antici-patience demands a dance across the fertile void. You can allow yourself to fall in the pit swallowed up by all your limiting thoughts, or do ‘a-void-dance’ by choosing mindfully where to place your energy while accepting your humanness. Alicia is maneuvering a tiring path, making it as smooth as possible by marrying the joyful thoughts of longing and intention, those of finally being able to go home, with those of being fully present. She has taken this on as an exercise, a spiritual discipline, an opportunity to notice and see infinitesimal positive steps forward. Joy is everywhere because she knows how to savor the everyday miracles, antics, and joys of her children in this moment, exhaustion and all.

Alicia calls up from only God knows where the patience and focus that is called for right here and right now, and stretches to make room to accept her shortcomings, her boredom, her irritations, and her weariness. Grace carries Alicia, Connor and all of us through the ‘unexpecteds’ and wonderings that shower us each day. Beyond that, we get to choose.

Although the next mile marker is on the horizon, in sight and we are getting close, we must focus on our feet deliberately, meditate on the sound of each step, each breath, and be her now. Please don’t let go of their hand yet.

So, with great antici-patience, we all continue to vision Connor running with his little brother, Carson, in their own back yard in Alaska at just the perfect time. Until then, we breathe, we pray, we welcome all the wonders of life.

In Joy,
Rhonda
360.385.5850

Here is Alicia’s UPDATE ON CONNOR:

Hello to all,

I hold my breath every time Connor has a sniffle, falls down, or complains that something hurts. Yet with each day that passes, I am grateful that Connor has become a curious, energetic, and inquisitive normal two year old. All the signs of the amazing journey he has been on have faded and although my fears will never be completely gone, I am learning not to let them overpower my daily life.

The last few weeks have been hard. We are all looking forward to going home and as time gets closer the days seem to go on forever. Both boys got a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago and are just now starting to get back to normal. This hit Connor worse than it hit Carson because of his weakened immune system. Over the last 2 weeks, Connor has lost about 3 pounds from not wanting to eat and not being able to keep much down. Connor had a doctors appointment today and we were all hoping that they would say we were free to go back to Alaska but his blood tests and weight were not quite where they would like them to be. The doctors are reasonably certain that his weight drop is due to being sick and that it is just taking his body a little longer to get back to normal. Therefore, they are postponing giving us an exact date until his appointment next week. They would like to see his weight go up and some of his other labs a little more stable before sending us home. If everything looks better next week it is a good possibility that we could be home before the end of the month!! Even thought this is not exactly what I wanted to hear I want to be in the best place for Connor. When God feels it is time for us to be home He will make it happen. So until then we will patiently wait until next week and pray that Connor’s appetite continues to improve.

The encouragement that continues to surround us is unbelievable. I just added up all the Alaska Airline Miles that we have received just from everyone using our phone number when checking out and it is over 20,000 miles. That is enough for a free airline ticket for Steve! Thank you all for your support.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Please pray:
Connor appetite/weight will improve
Everyone will remain healthy
We will be able to return home soon.

Some of you have asked what it all of this feels like from my perspective. It is hard for me to explain the feelings you get on a daily basis but I found this article that I feel does an excellent job of explaining it.

What its like to have a child with cancer…
Author Unknown

Picture your child sitting in the middle of the street.
Picture yourself in your home watching your child from the window.
Everything inside you wants to reach out and save them.
But you can’t get out, all you can do is watch and pray that God is watching over them
You see them fall and cry for you to make it all better.
But you can’t get to them, they can see you and see your tears.
And maybe hear your voice through all their tears.
You pray God will keep them safe.
You hear a car in the distance, but never know how far away it is,
some days it seems really close other days even closer.
You know that at an moment that car may come and change your world all over again,
in a split second you can be back to were you were when this all started or worse yet, the fight may be over.
Some days you start to feel a little more “safe” and back up from that window,
walk over to the couch and sit down, when just then you hear that car again
and in a second you are one with that window again, all those fears you tried so hard to put aside are back,
more intense this time, feeling guilty for having let your guard down.
It makes leaving that window the next time that much harder.
We want to keep them close at all times for fear of the unthinkable.
At night when you leave their side to go to bed, you take one more quick peek at them to make sure all is well.
You lay in your bed hoping to see them tomorrow, not wanting that day to end,
for as hard as it was that day they are here with you, and tomorrow is filled with the unknown,
every day, night after night these are our fears. We are exhausted in every way.
Our prayers from one night would fill God’s book a million times over.
All you can do is pray to God to spare them, let them be safe.
From that window you see the fear in their eyes, their hopes of the future,
such a small child sitting their all alone, surrounded by love, but alone ,fighting so hard,
not wanting to let you down, for they are very smart, they know our sorrows.
Seeing your child sit there ,wanting to help with all your might,
But knowing in the end its them and their bodies that must do all the work,
so much to ask of such a little person.
You’d never let your child sit there in the street, knowing that they could be taken from you at any moment,
you would not just sit there and stare at them and pray to God to save them,
you’d pick them up, wrap your arms around them and hold them forever, keeping them safe.
Yet that is what us parents of children with cancer are asked to do every day.
Let them sit there and watch and wait and pray, pray hard.
Yes, I believe in God, but that doesn’t stop my mother instincts to want to do something to help them.
How do we put everything we learned as parents aside, and simply hand it all over to God?
How is it decided which child shall live and which child will pass on?
Why is it that some children struggle so very hard and win their battle
only to have it return with much more vengeance?
Why do some children sail right through their treatment and then die suddenly?
How are we to make sense of any of this? With each clinic appt. brings the possibility of a relapse,
no matter how great they look or how wonderful they feel.
If only we could judge their health by the way they look on the outside.
We are suppose to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, who said cancer could make all the calls?
I never agreed to that, I am their mother and I will fight for them, with every ounce of my being.
Cancer may be calling the shots, but it will not win this game, not with my children, not with any of our children, we are so very weak, but so very strong, this bravery we have we get from our children,
our little heroes, fighting every day with all their might…
Pray for them…………

Hello to all,

Once again, we have experienced another lesson in life’s uncertainty. The emotions were overwhelming on Wednesday when the doctors gave us the OK to return to Alaska this weekend. We had all been waiting for this day to come and as the words left there mouth the moment did not seem to be real.

After being in Seattle for almost 11 months, we have become comfortable with everybody who has been involved in Connor’s care. Therefore, while I was overcome with joy there was also a feeling of sadness to be leaving our “comfort zone”. Unfortunately just as a mirage fades when you become closer so did our hope of going home this weekend when Connor got a fever Wednesday night. We spent several hours in the ER getting blood drawn and making sure antibiotics were not needed. Thursday, Connor seemed to be feeling better and his fever had gone down but he still was not fully himself. He woke up Friday with another fever and so it was off to see the doctor again.

After doing a full evaluation, the doctors still think that what ever is making him sick is probably a virus that his body is having a hard time getting rid of. However since some of his symptoms could be signs of a flare up of his Graft Verses Host Disease (GVHD) they want to monitor him for the next few days and have him checked out by the doctors at the Cancer Care Alliance (who deal with GVHD more often) next week.

In addition, Connor’s weight has continued to drop. He now weighs less than 26 pounds, two pounds less than when he was diagnosed last May. Since his weight has been dropping steadily over the last several weeks the doctors decided today that a feeding tube was necessary. It is our hope that he will only have to have it for a few weeks until he is able to maintain his weight on his own. Holding him as the nurses put the tube up his nose was one of the most horrible experiences ever, for all of us. He spent the rest of the day miserable and trying to get used to his new accessory.

Although the news we received today was disappointing I know that this is Gods plan for us right now and that when we are supposed to return home God will open that door for us.
We have been blessed that Steve’s work has been understanding and accommodating to his need to be here at a moments notice. He came down last week with the hope of being able to bring us all home but instead has had to extend his stay to be here for Connor’s appointments and to support me through this bump in the road.

Carson continues to amaze me. He learns so much everyday and is quickly becoming a toddler. I have been busy packing boxes and getting everything ready to go home. It is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in 11 months.

This journey has taught me many lessons along the way but one of the most important is to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself because you never know what tomorrow will hold.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)
“When I am afraid, I will trust in you” (Psalm 56:3)

Please Pray:
Connor will get used to his new feeding tube and start to gain weight
For wisdom for the doctors that they can figure out what is causing him not to feel good
We will all be able to return home very soon

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

Dear Ones,

How grateful we continue to be to have you as a circle of support for my grandnephew, Connor, and his family. I am deeply pleased to continue to send you good news. Connor will soon return to Alaska after close to a year long stay at Children’s Hospital/Ronald McDonald House in Seattle.

As I read my niece’s latest update that I forward on to you, I am touched by her grace and her talent as a mom and a writer. Although Connor’s journey has been a rough one, it is Alicia who has walked a relentlessly stressful road, holding her family together at every turn. I wish I could give her days of sleep followed by and an all expenses paid family vacation to Disney World (their favorite place ion earth). She and Steve could have allowed the pressures to pull them apart, but instead their relationship is all the stronger. Although they had their moments of melt down, I seldom saw them take their stress out on one another. Instead they had great compassion and tenderness for one another, offering each other strength even when miles apart. Also, the grandmother’s offered such selflessness to be their for their little ones. It took the village! What peace builders they have been. It has not been an easy time for them to put their lives on hold in order to be present as a durable support system. Their presence and hands on help has made this challenging journey much easier.

So, drink in Alicia’s amazing update. I do hope at some point she will finally have time to pull these updates together and weave them with more of her reflections about this road of healing into a book to serve other parents.

Once again, thank you for surrounding Connor with your healing light. Since you now know you can heal cancer, what amazing thing will you do next. It makes everything else easier!!!

Please do not relinquish Connor from your prayers as he still has a distance to travel, but regardless of what is ahead, we joyfully celebrate now!!!

In deep gratitude,
Rhonda

CONNOR’S UPDATE…

Connor has done remarkable over the last month. He has slowly come off several of the medications used to treat his graft verse host disease (GVHD) and is showing no signs of any problems. Since he is still on two medications that lower his immune system, I have to check his temperature at least twice a day. Any time he gets a fever of over 101 degrees, even if he has no other symptoms, we get to go to the hospital and have blood tests done to rule out infection. Unfortunately, over the last month we have been to the ER four times for this reason. Most of the time the fevers would go away as quickly as they came but last Sunday this was not the case. In less than an hour, his fever went from being normal to 104 degrees. After having blood tests done in the ER, he was admitted into the hospital the next day with a blood infection. The doctors started him on antibiotics and within a day, the infection was getting better and we were able to return “home” Thursday. Even though it was a shame to be back in the hospital, it gave us a chance to see all the incredible people who have been there for us every step of the way one last time before heading back to Alaska. We still do not have an exact date on when we will get to return home but the doctors are talking about sometime the middle of March. Along with doing well medically, he has done marvelous with potty training and as his hair gets longer and the signs of cancer fade thankfully there is little left to remind us of all his body has been through.

Carson is a master at walking and loves to climb on everything. His personality is starting to blossom as he becomes more independent. He has accomplished many milestones while living a “hospital life” and it is hard to believe that he was not even rolling over when we got here. Steve is incredible and my love for him gets stronger everyday. As hard as it is for us to be down here coping with all of this I cannot imagine how hard it is for him to be at home. He has been working hard on our house to get it ready for us to return home and I am very excited to see all the changes. I was able to go home for a weekend the end of January to help pick out some of the new things for the house. It was wonderful to be home even if it was only for a short time. Most days what I desire most is more sleep. Between Connor’s appointments, medicine and chasing the boys by the end of the day I am exhausted. Nevertheless, no matter how tired I am when I hear the boys laughing and playing together it makes everything worth it

Recently a wonderful website: www.freewebs.com/kidscancercrusade was brought to my attention. This great site brings together stories from families that are surviving childhood cancer. It allows you to follow there journey, provide encouragement and send sympathy. I know one of the things that helped me through the hard days was the messages of hope and support. I encourage all of you to check out this site and see the amazing children that are more courageous than I can ever hope to be.

Thank you to everyone for you continued support. There is not a day that goes by after all this time that we do not feel your love and prayers.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Check out Connor singing Take Me out to the Ball Game at http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7116764384596726585&pr=goog-sl

God Sent to Me an Angel

By Paul Dammon 11/96

God sent to me an angel,

it had a broken wing.

I bent my head and wondered,

“How could God do such a thing?”

When I asked the Father

why He sent this child to me,

the answer was forthcoming;

He said, “Listen and you’ll see.”

“My children are all precious,

and none is like the rest.

Each one to me is special,

and the least is as the best.

I send each one from Heaven

and I place it in the care

of those who know my mercy,

those with love to spare.

Sometimes I take them back again.

Sometimes I let them stay.

No matter what may happen,

I am never far away.

So if you find an angel

and you don’t know what to do, l

remember, I am with you,

love is all I ask of you.”

Alicia R. Dunham

5130 40th Ave NE, Room B 13

Seattle WA 98105

206-838-0707 Seattle Home

www.thestatus.com ID:Dunham- Password:unique-book

Thunder rumbles in the mountain passes.
And lightning rattles the eaves of our houses.
Floodwaters await in our avenues.
Snow falls upon snow, falls upon snow to avalanche.
Over unprotected villages.
The sky slips low and gray and threatening.
We question ourselves.
What have we done to so affront nature?
We interrogate and worry God.
Are you there? Are you there, really?
Does the covenant you made with us still hold?
Into this climate of fear and apprehension,
Christmas enters
Streaming lights of joy, ringing bells of hope
And singing carols of forgiveness high up in the bright air.
The world is encouraged to come away from rancor,
Come the way of friendship.
It is the Glad Season.
Thunder ebbs to silence and lightning sleeps quietly in the corner. Floodwaters recede into memory,
Snow becomes a yielding cushion to aid us.
As we make our way to higher ground.
Hope is born again in the faces of children.
It rides on the shoulders of our aged as they walk into their sunsets.
Hope spreads around the earth, brightening all things,
Even hate, which crouches breeding in dark corridors.
In our joy, we think we hear a whisper. At first it is too soft.
Then only half heard. We listen carefully as it gathers strength.
We hear a sweetness.
The word is Peace.
It is loud now. Louder than the explosion of bombs.
We tremble at the sound.
We are thrilled by its presence.
It is what we have hungered for.
Not just the absence of war.
But true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies.
Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.
We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas.
We beckon this good season to wait awhile with us.
We, Baptist and Buddhist, Methodist and Muslim, say come.
Peace.
Come and fill us and our world with your majesty.
We, the Jew and the Jainist, the Catholic and the Confucian,
Implore you to stay awhile with us
So we may learn by your shimmering light
How to look beyond complexion and see community.
It is Christmas time, a halting of hate time.
On this platform of peace, we can create a language
To translate ourselves to ourselves and to each other.
At this Holy Instant, we celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ
Into the great religions of the world.
We jubilate the precious advent of trust.
We shout with glorious tongues the coming of hope.
All earth’s tribes loosen their voices
To celebrate the promise of Peace.
We, Angels and Mortals, Believers and Nonbelievers,
Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace.
We look at our world and speak the word aloud.
Peace.
We look at each other, then into ourselves,
And say without shyness or apology or hesitation:
Peace, My Brother. Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.

– Maya Angelou