Posts from — March 2007

“During the years of Buchenwald and Auschwitz,” he said, “Matisse painted the most charming flowers and fruit that were ever made. That’s why today they still speak more eloquently than the most macabre description of the period. Their creator was faithful not to the tragedy but to the reaction that tragedy kindled in his conscience.”

– Source: Odysseus Elytis, translated by Theophanis Stavrou: Books
Abroad, Volume 49, no 4, Autumn 1975

It is so easy to react to the tragedies of life with despair and hopelessness, and then what we focus on generates more of the same. We must dare to step out of reacting to the disasters and detours and very consciously respond instead. If not, we are only compounding what is not working.

Despite the dark that seems to be so prevalent, transformation calls for us to commit instead to seeing beauty and positive possibilities. There is abundance that our focus on lack prevents us from seeing. If we are to transform war to peace and heal from the inevitable heartaches that are a part of life, we must adjust our perspective to see that love is the answer to every question. We must not deny darkness, but celebrate the light. In doing so, we expand the light that dissolves darkness

MY SHORT-CUT TODAY:
Today I focus on and notice the flowers, even in the cracks in the sidewalk. I am faithful to respond rather than react to tragedy and setbacks. In so doing I reveal and emphasize the beauty in life.

Dear Ones who have held the intention of healing and courage for Connor and his family,

Below is the latest update on his progress, and even with a few setbacks, Connor and the Dunham’s will soon be able to return to Alaska.

I have been playing – with the help of a sister-writer here in Port Townsend – with two new made up words: consti-patience and antici-patience.

Consti-patience is similar to impatience, wanting life to go as we want. We force it along angered by our helplessness and feel backed up with emotion, regret, resentment, resistance, and despair… almost immobilized, and for sure depressed. Our negative emotions take us hostage and we feel blind-sided by life’s challenging circumstances.

Alicia, modeling for the circle of support that surrounds her, has taken on with such AMAZING GRACE the journey from consti-patience to antici-patience. She has found fiber for the soul and has moved free with forward and backward steps. She now sits in antici-patience.

Antici-patience demands a dance across the fertile void. You can allow yourself to fall in the pit swallowed up by all your limiting thoughts, or do ‘a-void-dance’ by choosing mindfully where to place your energy while accepting your humanness. Alicia is maneuvering a tiring path, making it as smooth as possible by marrying the joyful thoughts of longing and intention, those of finally being able to go home, with those of being fully present. She has taken this on as an exercise, a spiritual discipline, an opportunity to notice and see infinitesimal positive steps forward. Joy is everywhere because she knows how to savor the everyday miracles, antics, and joys of her children in this moment, exhaustion and all.

Alicia calls up from only God knows where the patience and focus that is called for right here and right now, and stretches to make room to accept her shortcomings, her boredom, her irritations, and her weariness. Grace carries Alicia, Connor and all of us through the ‘unexpecteds’ and wonderings that shower us each day. Beyond that, we get to choose.

Although the next mile marker is on the horizon, in sight and we are getting close, we must focus on our feet deliberately, meditate on the sound of each step, each breath, and be her now. Please don’t let go of their hand yet.

So, with great antici-patience, we all continue to vision Connor running with his little brother, Carson, in their own back yard in Alaska at just the perfect time. Until then, we breathe, we pray, we welcome all the wonders of life.

In Joy,
Rhonda
360.385.5850

Here is Alicia’s UPDATE ON CONNOR:

Hello to all,

I hold my breath every time Connor has a sniffle, falls down, or complains that something hurts. Yet with each day that passes, I am grateful that Connor has become a curious, energetic, and inquisitive normal two year old. All the signs of the amazing journey he has been on have faded and although my fears will never be completely gone, I am learning not to let them overpower my daily life.

The last few weeks have been hard. We are all looking forward to going home and as time gets closer the days seem to go on forever. Both boys got a stomach bug a couple of weeks ago and are just now starting to get back to normal. This hit Connor worse than it hit Carson because of his weakened immune system. Over the last 2 weeks, Connor has lost about 3 pounds from not wanting to eat and not being able to keep much down. Connor had a doctors appointment today and we were all hoping that they would say we were free to go back to Alaska but his blood tests and weight were not quite where they would like them to be. The doctors are reasonably certain that his weight drop is due to being sick and that it is just taking his body a little longer to get back to normal. Therefore, they are postponing giving us an exact date until his appointment next week. They would like to see his weight go up and some of his other labs a little more stable before sending us home. If everything looks better next week it is a good possibility that we could be home before the end of the month!! Even thought this is not exactly what I wanted to hear I want to be in the best place for Connor. When God feels it is time for us to be home He will make it happen. So until then we will patiently wait until next week and pray that Connor’s appetite continues to improve.

The encouragement that continues to surround us is unbelievable. I just added up all the Alaska Airline Miles that we have received just from everyone using our phone number when checking out and it is over 20,000 miles. That is enough for a free airline ticket for Steve! Thank you all for your support.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

Please pray:
Connor appetite/weight will improve
Everyone will remain healthy
We will be able to return home soon.

Some of you have asked what it all of this feels like from my perspective. It is hard for me to explain the feelings you get on a daily basis but I found this article that I feel does an excellent job of explaining it.

What its like to have a child with cancer…
Author Unknown

Picture your child sitting in the middle of the street.
Picture yourself in your home watching your child from the window.
Everything inside you wants to reach out and save them.
But you can’t get out, all you can do is watch and pray that God is watching over them
You see them fall and cry for you to make it all better.
But you can’t get to them, they can see you and see your tears.
And maybe hear your voice through all their tears.
You pray God will keep them safe.
You hear a car in the distance, but never know how far away it is,
some days it seems really close other days even closer.
You know that at an moment that car may come and change your world all over again,
in a split second you can be back to were you were when this all started or worse yet, the fight may be over.
Some days you start to feel a little more “safe” and back up from that window,
walk over to the couch and sit down, when just then you hear that car again
and in a second you are one with that window again, all those fears you tried so hard to put aside are back,
more intense this time, feeling guilty for having let your guard down.
It makes leaving that window the next time that much harder.
We want to keep them close at all times for fear of the unthinkable.
At night when you leave their side to go to bed, you take one more quick peek at them to make sure all is well.
You lay in your bed hoping to see them tomorrow, not wanting that day to end,
for as hard as it was that day they are here with you, and tomorrow is filled with the unknown,
every day, night after night these are our fears. We are exhausted in every way.
Our prayers from one night would fill God’s book a million times over.
All you can do is pray to God to spare them, let them be safe.
From that window you see the fear in their eyes, their hopes of the future,
such a small child sitting their all alone, surrounded by love, but alone ,fighting so hard,
not wanting to let you down, for they are very smart, they know our sorrows.
Seeing your child sit there ,wanting to help with all your might,
But knowing in the end its them and their bodies that must do all the work,
so much to ask of such a little person.
You’d never let your child sit there in the street, knowing that they could be taken from you at any moment,
you would not just sit there and stare at them and pray to God to save them,
you’d pick them up, wrap your arms around them and hold them forever, keeping them safe.
Yet that is what us parents of children with cancer are asked to do every day.
Let them sit there and watch and wait and pray, pray hard.
Yes, I believe in God, but that doesn’t stop my mother instincts to want to do something to help them.
How do we put everything we learned as parents aside, and simply hand it all over to God?
How is it decided which child shall live and which child will pass on?
Why is it that some children struggle so very hard and win their battle
only to have it return with much more vengeance?
Why do some children sail right through their treatment and then die suddenly?
How are we to make sense of any of this? With each clinic appt. brings the possibility of a relapse,
no matter how great they look or how wonderful they feel.
If only we could judge their health by the way they look on the outside.
We are suppose to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, who said cancer could make all the calls?
I never agreed to that, I am their mother and I will fight for them, with every ounce of my being.
Cancer may be calling the shots, but it will not win this game, not with my children, not with any of our children, we are so very weak, but so very strong, this bravery we have we get from our children,
our little heroes, fighting every day with all their might…
Pray for them…………

Have you ever been late for an appointment thinking there wasn’t
enough time to stop for gas, only to sputter, cough, and run out along
the way? You then spend three times as much time cursing at the side
of the road waiting for help than it would have taken to stop and
‘fill up’.

In our busy lives we operate by the myth that speed is a requirement
for success. Although it is a perspective that elicits a gasp from
hardcore overachievers, the real truth is that focus is more fruitful
than speed. Often what appears to be speed is instead a refined art of
spinning our wheels. This blind spot leaves us driven by an
ever-increasing volume of information with the expectation that we
must go faster and faster to handle it all. We mistakenly believe that
if we figure out how to do more in less time we will somehow be able
to get it all done! Honestly, is there ever really an end to the TO-DO
list?

Less than 100 years ago over a two year period of time people took in
information equivalent to what we are bombarded with each and every
day? No wonder we feel so overwhelmed! We force ourselves ahead by the
false belief that we must keep up with and digest the ever-increasing
speed of information. This mode of traveling the road of life is a
certain method of self-sabotage and doesn’t leave much time to enjoy
the scenery along the way.

Durable happiness and authentic productivity become our traveling
companions when we learn to identify our personal values, accept our
worth, embrace our strengths and nurture our own well being.

If we don’t stop to refuel our inner spirit we will get nowhere fast.
We will be no further ahead, running on empty in the fast lane, and
eventually will run out of gas still stuck in the same old rut.

Even though stress related illnesses are one of the leading causes of
death, for some of us it would take a miracle to slow our pace.
Although we often aren’t quite sure where we are going, we’re making
such good time we refuse to consider stopping.

The bad news is that we will stop one-way or another! The good news is
that miracles are time efficient. They are prompted by a shift in
perception that allows us to realize the benefits of a more conscious
pace. Durable happiness comes to us rather than is something we chase
when we dare to drive-in rather than search outward for answers.

Happiness is not something you figure out, but rather invite in. When
we take a YOU-TURN inward we are more likely to hear the wisdom and
intuition that was shut off in our hurry. When we coordinate our head
with our heart, balancing our inner values with outer demands, we
actually move forward with greater energy, clarity, productivity and
joy to everyone’s benefit.

The greatest gift we can give another is to choose to take full
accountability and responsibility for our own happiness. The miracle
of greater happiness is ours when embrace ourselves as worthy enough
to take time for ourselves. If you don’t start your journey from this
point you wind up fulfilling everyone’s dreams but your own.

The road to joy is paved by being fully who we are in everything we
do, having the courage to fully honor ourselves and by savoring the
present moment. When we clarify our own dreams and values we can more authentically be our self. When we are more genuinely our most loving self, we best serve others. When we know that we have lived well, and loved authentically we create the legacy marked by our journey.

Hello to all,

Once again, we have experienced another lesson in life’s uncertainty. The emotions were overwhelming on Wednesday when the doctors gave us the OK to return to Alaska this weekend. We had all been waiting for this day to come and as the words left there mouth the moment did not seem to be real.

After being in Seattle for almost 11 months, we have become comfortable with everybody who has been involved in Connor’s care. Therefore, while I was overcome with joy there was also a feeling of sadness to be leaving our “comfort zone”. Unfortunately just as a mirage fades when you become closer so did our hope of going home this weekend when Connor got a fever Wednesday night. We spent several hours in the ER getting blood drawn and making sure antibiotics were not needed. Thursday, Connor seemed to be feeling better and his fever had gone down but he still was not fully himself. He woke up Friday with another fever and so it was off to see the doctor again.

After doing a full evaluation, the doctors still think that what ever is making him sick is probably a virus that his body is having a hard time getting rid of. However since some of his symptoms could be signs of a flare up of his Graft Verses Host Disease (GVHD) they want to monitor him for the next few days and have him checked out by the doctors at the Cancer Care Alliance (who deal with GVHD more often) next week.

In addition, Connor’s weight has continued to drop. He now weighs less than 26 pounds, two pounds less than when he was diagnosed last May. Since his weight has been dropping steadily over the last several weeks the doctors decided today that a feeding tube was necessary. It is our hope that he will only have to have it for a few weeks until he is able to maintain his weight on his own. Holding him as the nurses put the tube up his nose was one of the most horrible experiences ever, for all of us. He spent the rest of the day miserable and trying to get used to his new accessory.

Although the news we received today was disappointing I know that this is Gods plan for us right now and that when we are supposed to return home God will open that door for us.
We have been blessed that Steve’s work has been understanding and accommodating to his need to be here at a moments notice. He came down last week with the hope of being able to bring us all home but instead has had to extend his stay to be here for Connor’s appointments and to support me through this bump in the road.

Carson continues to amaze me. He learns so much everyday and is quickly becoming a toddler. I have been busy packing boxes and getting everything ready to go home. It is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in 11 months.

This journey has taught me many lessons along the way but one of the most important is to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself because you never know what tomorrow will hold.

All our love,
The Dunham’s
Steve, Alicia, Connor and Carson

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)
“When I am afraid, I will trust in you” (Psalm 56:3)

Please Pray:
Connor will get used to his new feeding tube and start to gain weight
For wisdom for the doctors that they can figure out what is causing him not to feel good
We will all be able to return home very soon

Hello Friends, Traveling Companions,

Like each of us, I imagine, it is my longing to made a difference in some way… to live, to laugh, to love, and to leave a meaningful legacy. This week my grandsons and daughters have been ill with the flu while managing an onslaught of other life circumstances that seem to come all at once.

At times like these it is hard being so many miles away. Every alarm goes off in my ‘mommy’ soul that I am to be there to fix it somehow, or at least be there to provide a comforting cloth applied to a weary forehead. Sick or well, there is nothing better than sitting and snuggling with a little one, no matter what their age.

To shrink the distance between us I stay connected by phone, and vision them as healthy. Even amidst the challenges I observe the grace with which my daughters face the unknowns and unexpecteds, even when they might disagree. Perhaps my job as I have defined it in many ways may already be done. When I can’t rescue, nurture or help with hands on assistance it seems it is the Universe’s way of demonstrating how capable my daughter’s are, and even for me to rest assured that I have done a good job in loving them along the way. Maybe we did something right together, and now they too get to learn and apply the ‘mommy magic’ to make their little guys feel better. Through their own maneuvering through the challenges that come with the territory of motherhood I see them expand their own compassion and resilience that will be passed along, shape-shifted by their own experience and interpretation. Having the distance between us, as it seems was what was necessary this time, was somehow perfect and allowed their confidence and my letting go process to expand.

They are all on the mend, and still, just for good measure, I will share with them and with you…

Dr. Grandma Tutu’s Cheat Sheet for a Happy Life:

1. Not everyone will like you. Don’t let that stop you. Love yourself anyway. The way you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you.

2. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Get clear on your own values, forgive quickly, loosen your grip, lean into life, learn to be compassionate by standing in the shoes of another, and treat people fairly regardless of how they treat you.

3. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, and a part of the journey, but suffering is optional. Don’t hang out with ‘victims’ and don’t be one, yourself.

4. We don’t always get what we want when we want it, but we always get what we need. There are always blessings. Accept them gratefully without whining.

5. Change is an essential part of balance, and creativity is an essential part of evolution. What you resist persists, and shift happens. Open up, dare to question, think outside the box, color outside the lines, go with the flow, listen beyond words, love yourself as much as you love others, and follow your heart no matter what your age.

6. Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. The good news is that you can be happy regardless of your circumstances, so respond rather than react, and focus on what’s working.

7. Strive for excellence rather than perfection, for perfection is fleeting and success required only that you get up one more time than you fall.

8. Chocolate does have nutritional value. Enjoy every bite of life, eat dessert first sometimes (ice cream is my favorite), and celebrate small steps along the way.
9. Our bodies (and sometimes our minds) will wear out. Complain less. Enjoy each moment more. Never once in the history of the Universe has worrying ever changed an outcome. Get off the ‘pity potty’ and trust that where you are is where you are meant to be. Learn to love what is.

10. No one gets out alive, but you don’t need to die alone, or live feeling alone for that matter. Your relationships are more important than things and love is the only thing you can take with you. Connect. Love yourself as much as you love others. Laugh often. Forgive quickly. Learn relentlessly, and leave an authentic legacy. Believing is seeing, so never stop believing that peace is possible.

In Joy,
Rhonda

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.