Posts from — March 2006

Character Strengths and Virtues : A Handbook and Classification (Hardcover) by Christopher Peterson, Martin Seligman A Primer in Positive Psychology (Paperback) by Christopher Peterson

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough". The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom". They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?". "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. "When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye. She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. -- Author Unknown

”God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" -- Author unknown

Happiness really is durable. It is like the sun, it just is. Sometimes our access is obscurred by clouds and storms, but behind the circumstance that temporarily gets in the way, the warmth of the sun awaits us and faith showers us when we remember that the light of happiness is there for us if we allow ourselves to float through the obstacles and rise above our challenges. I have a dear woman friend. Although we are like-minded and connected souls, we seldom manage to get together in person. She sent me an email to cancel a much awaited walk. Though brief, I found it revealing, rich and important. She started by saying, "I had the most awful/joyful/thankful experience yesterday. Got a call on the way home that let me know that my daughter had wrecked our car." My friend's chain of words captured the journey of happiness regardless of the circumstances. Happiness is vibrant, and like balance, is not stagnant, but very alive. In an instant she saw the circumstances of her daughter's accident from several perspectives. Yes, it was horrible that her daughter totalled the car and experienced a near tragic accident. And, at the same time the blessing to be had was thather daughter escaped uninjured. Material things just don't seem to matter as much when push comes to shove. It truly was joyful and awful at the same time. Gratitude is always the door that leads to authentic happiness and unconditional love. She was thankful, and in spite of the inconveniences and challenges, there were blessings and lessons to be had by all. My friend went on to share... "You should see this for yourself, she totaled out my car on her way to church, and walked away without a scratch! She was so lucky... I’m just still in shock and so amazed that she wasn’t injured. She’s having a pretty rough time coming to grips with it. She looked down, and then started to go off the road, then over corrected, then flipped and rolled into the ditch. She had to crawl out the back window that was broken out. Can't make our walk. I know you understand." Life is messy, and sometimes rough, especially when we go unconscious. Mistakes are hard to accept, but they offer the opportunity to see things differently. How often do we go unconscious for a split second and have our life flip over and over, crash and burn! We then 'over-correct' and eventually fins a new way out, and if we grasp the lesson and turn it into sunlight. We awaken to a new and more conscious way of seeing and open to new possibilities. So, I await another opportunity for us to connect for our walk, but through her words I felt her presence right beside me. I was calmed by knowing that she was reaching for happiness through the clouds. May we all be mindful of the choices we make on our path and experience happiness as a awful/joyful/thankful journey. Wishing you safe travels. In Joy, Rhonda

Life IS a paradox! Efforting, striving, reaching. Worrying, judging, controlling. That ache of 'not-enoughness' haunts us and it is hard to surrender to the knowing that we are already and have always been magnificent... a reflection of Love. So simple, but not always so easy. We habitually make it harder than it needs to be through our resistance. Happiness is an inside job... it is a journey... and here are a few quotes to remind you to relax, ponder, and BE all that you are in each and every moment. In Joy, Rhonda "It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning." -- P.D. Ospensky "All major mystical traditions have recognized that there is a paradox at the heart of the journey of return to Origin. ...Put simply, this is that we are already what we seek, and that what we are looking for on the Path with such an intensity of striving and passion and discipline is already within and around us at all moments. The journey and all its different ordeals are all emanations of the One Spirit that is manifesting everything in all dimensions; every rung of the ladder we climb toward final awareness is made of the divine stuff of awareness itself; Divine Consciousness is at once creating and manifesting all things and acting in and as all things in various states of self-disguise throughout all the different levels and dimensions of the universe." -- Andrew Harvey "Look at you, you madman, Screaming you are thirsty And are dying in a desert When all around you there is nothing but water!" -- Kabir "After changes upon changes, we are more or less the same." --Paul Simon

My heart aches to learn of the passing of Dana Reeve, wife of Christopher, who lived as our Superman even amidst his challenges. She stood as his angel, advocate, soul partner and divine mother to their son, ever a model of courage and grace. I’m sure she had her moments of despair along her path, perhaps even those moments where you wonder if the sobbing will ever pass. Even these moments are a part of being an ordinary human, for her packaged in a famous body, that we must learn to embrace, but not stop there. It is only a point we pass on the journey of unknowns. It is our work, our calling to get up one more time than we stumble. Breathe, breathe. Sometimes that is all we can do as we await the rising of the phoenix. It can seem an eternity, but we must hold the intention to rise. She did. She arose over and over as she stepped beyond any doubts or fatigue she might have had, and handled even her own illness with Grace. How could it be possible that this ill-fated experience could touch their family twice, leaving their thirteen-year-old son without his mother and father? How do we make sense of this as we stretch to comprehend the loss of such icons and role models? Where is the lining of happiness here in the reminder that bad things do happen to good people? We probably only understand a thimble full of life, and with our limited vision, resist it’s perfection because it out-reaches our ability to accept what is. When I step out of my immediate feelings to look at the bigger and more magical picture I can bring into focus the huge web of support and love that was woven, fostered, facilitated, expanded and strengthened by the opportunities given by such illness and tragedy. Hard to see, but it's there. Hope and love unending. The gift of what seems incomprehensible is always the reminder… to live fully and love deeply, to stay in conscious appreciation of each moment we have and each person we love. As a family they seemed to live each moment fully, continuously reached out to serve others, and modeled a lifestyle of love, inspiration and manifesting miracles for their son. He will grieve supported by the wings of many angels. But, there is nothing like the embrace of a mother and father who love you. The hardest part of loving someone is letting go, and yet when we love authentically, we must learn to embrace this as a necessary part of loving at all. This feeling of emptiness is the harsh reminder that we do not have control of the circumstances, but do have the choice each moment to open our hearts to the lessons offered by them, even the hard ones, to be touched and shaped by them as the invitation to step into our own magnificence. For every loss, every setback, every act of violence in this world there are millions of acts of kindness and love that often go unnoticed. Where will you place your gaze? Although we must allow ourselves to face the detours and potholes, we must then willingly beckon our attention to the horizon and focus there. Happiness comes when we commit to seeing the good in all beyond each challenge, or perhaps even because of them. Embrace what is, committed to seeing the blessing and the magic. Prosperity does not always come in monetary riches, but in the abundance of hands available to hold ours as we share the mysteries of life together if we are willing to open our heart to such joy. We will acknowledge and receive the generous gift of Dana Reeve with gratitude if today and from this day forward we become more conscious and loving in our celebration of life. Dana was love in action as she did as every woman does, stretched to find balance within her relationship her family and her community. All they asked by the way they lived their lives is that we treasure life and believe in the power of love. We celebrate the gift of her life disguised at this time by the sadness of her passing, and gently raise our eyes to the horizon in her honor. Treasure each moment, and know that despite all doubts and ordinary steps, you are extraordinary and you matter.

I think I finally found a form of exercise that matches my longing to promote the value of happiness! It's called Laughter Yoga. Curious? Check it out! http://www.laughteryoga.org/happiness.php I don't know about you, but it is far too easy for me to spend way too much time in my head and not enough time honoring the very body that gets me through my day. I forget to eat in favor of finishing a task at my computer. Before you know it I can run out of time for my afternoon walk. I work way too hard trying to figure things out, find the solution, or force the answer to come, rather than wait to be inspired. Sound familiar? Now, don't get tempted to rough yourself up about these tendencies. Wow, that's so easy to do. My thoughts immediately want to go to default until either I or one of my friends says something to snap me out of it! Those are good friends to have. Being your own worst critic only makes things worse, and is a sure detour from happiness. Just chose again not to let your mind have control, and return to be grateful that the world is a friendly place if only we would give it a chance to demonstrate it. It's all in how we choose to see it. Last night I enjoyed watching Wayne Dyer's new PBS special, Inspiration. His work has long inspired me! Dr. Dyer has been a consistent pioneer and advocate for spiritual growth and personal consciousness. I admire him because he has walked his spiritual path before our eyes. With one book after another he raises our consciousness. Both Dr. Dyer and Marianne Williamson are the two speakers that I believe to be exceptionally brilliant in their ability to quote and cross refer from many sources with nary a note in front of them! I was reminded by Wayne Dyer's presentation last night that we make life so complex, so often closing our eyes to the simple miracles around us. We keep ourselves so busy that we go numb to cope and accelerate under the illusion that if we just run fast enough that we will somehow be able to do it all. We abuse ourselves with these unrealistic expectations we hold. It is hard to let inspiration in when we keep ourselves so constricted and over worked. I have been tapped on the shoulder with the same message several times this week from several unrelated sources. How loud does The Universe have to speak before I listen? Over and over I have been reminded to get out of my head and drop into my heart. It's amazing how hard and long that journey can be from you head to your heart when geographically it's only a journey of about 18 inches! It helps to remember it is a journey, as we over-emphasize the value of the destination. Besides Dr. Dyer's emphasis on the benefits of getting still enough to access my inspiration from the inside-out, I also had my dear master-mind group friends remind to try this mantra for awhile, "Don't think, don't think, don't think! I feel so grateful to have those I trust enough to point out what I sometimes cannot see, the truth that otherwise would be hard to hear through my default system of old habits and patterns. One final reminder to spend less time in my head and become more aware of the messages that my body offers came in the form of a book I read. I highly recommend The Trance of Scarcity by Victoria Castle. She suggests that to successfully upgrade from scarcity and struggle to Abundance and ease, we must interrupt and dislodge old patterns that have been living quite comfortably within us, acting like they own the place. She suggests that the poverty is in our state, how we hold things, rather than in the circumstances. And so, this moment I am re-awakened to adjust my default setting that still gets the better of me from time to time. I thank my mind for all it's hard work, but also appreciate my body for all the ways it has served me today. With deep gratitude I'll draw a warm bath and end my day grateful to have returned home to my authentic Self knowing that happiness is just a though away if I choose.... and I head for the tub wondering what it would be like to do laughing Yoga! Ahhhhhh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

This week join with me in the celebration of all the wonderful women on this planet! I want this newsletter to be for women, and also be inspiring for those who love them. If you are one of the wonderful guys who find my newsletter valuable, please don't press delete or assume there is nothing here for you merely because it's focus this week is on women. Finding a way to connect the gifts and the delights of both men and women contributes to the happiness of us all. For many years women have needed to access their masculine side to fit and find their place in this culture. We have done it well, but often at the expense of knowing the power of our own intuition and voice. That got shoved someplace deep inside in order to remain resilient. Women have done so often times to be able to work and to feed their children. Here in the US, women have adapted their essence to be able to fit and live within a structure of a hierarchy. In other countries stepping outside the clearly marked boundaries their defined role remains life-threatening. I invite our loving and strong men to stretch now, as women have done for years. Open and expand the feminine part of your own nature to be touched by the gentle power that is ‘women’ that we celebrate this week in honor if International Women’s Day. Tenderly and respectfully share with us your strong and trustworthy energy that is ‘male’. We each have our contributions to make and unique qualities to offer, and now we are called to synchronize our dance steps, no longer stepping on one another’s toes. To create authentic happiness for this planet, now is the time to generate a new paradigm that unites men and women in greater balance. I don't mean to homogenize us. Whether you are from Mars or Venus (John Gray describes our differences in his book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus), men and women live together on this planet Earth, and there are great benefits in choosing to no longer be in opposition with one another, but to blend our strengths and truly honor one another equally. It is time to be inclusive, rather than exclusive. Imagine that world, and how this blending would transform the Universe. Imagine how happy women would be if they felt truly honored. From this place they could fully access their true nature, fully willing to share, tend and connect. Last summer I was able to attend an incredible Native American Sweat Lodge ceremony. Chief White Cloud prepared us for the ritual we were about to experience. I was very touched when he shared the insight with the men there that it was time to cherish the women. He told them that they “need not understand women, merely honor them.” International Women's Day is the universal day that connects and honors all women around the world, and those who love them, and inspires them to achieve their full potential and grace. IWD 2006 launches another year of working progressively for women's equality worldwide. The world today desperately needs the healing touch of women, both their gentle receptive touch as well as her “Mother Bear” voice of power, responsiveness and intuition. Women are peace barers and have the potential to do more than any government or agency to foster that coming into form. International Women’s Day is an important day of connection around the world where the collective power of women will be witnessed by millions. The brave achievements of women past, present and future will be respectfully honored and celebrated. International Women's Day 2006 will be celebrated globally on Wednesday, March 8th connecting small villages of women in Africa, women threatening their lives by gathering in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Iran. And we gather here locally in Washington State on my beloved Olympic Peninsula. To reduce stress and to cultivate happiness women do not by nature fight or take flight. Instead they tend, connect, and befriend. Over the next few days we will shine more intentionally, holding hands. One major key to happiness is gratitude. This week, tell the important women in your life why they matter to you and. Share authentically your gratitude for them from the bottom of your heart. You will be happy you did! And they will be inspired by your demonstration of love. In Joy, Rhonda