:: The Center of Happiness ::

“People ask what must they become to be loving. The answer is ‘nothing.’ It is a process of letting go of what you thought you had become and allowing your true nature to float to the surface naturally.”

– Stephen Levine

The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in
your own thinking.

–Robert H. Schuller

Think, Believe, Dream and Dare
–Author Unknown

An eight-year-old boy approached an old man in front of a
wishing well, looked up into his eyes, and asked: “I
understand you’re a very wise man. I’d like to know the
secret of life.”

The old man looked down at the youngster and replied: “I’ve
thought a lot in my lifetime, and the secret can be summed
up in four words.

The first is think. Think about the values you wish to live
your life by.

The second is believe. Believe in yourself based on the
thinking you’ve done about the values you’re going to live
your life by.

The third is dream. Dream about the things that can be,
based on your belief in yourself and the values you’re going
to live by.

The last is dare. Dare to make your dreams become reality,
based on your belief in yourself and your values.”

And with that, Walter E. Disney said to the little boy,
“Think, Believe, Dream, and Dare.”

Since the beginning of the New Year, like many, I have been reviewing what I want
and refining the direction I choose to travel this year. I created time to
explore the blessings and lessons offered through the events of last year and
listened within to hear where I am now being called. Sometimes that voice is
faint, and my mind of ’shoulds’ and ‘have tos’ speaks louder than my heart’s true
longing.

This annual new beginning inspired me to clean out my file cabinets - inner and
outer - and I made room for something new, more, different, and wonderful to be
revealed this year. I also did my best to identify and clear out old limiting
beliefs that still lurk within me and to access my knowing that, flaws and all, I
am magnificent and right where I am meant to be.

When we set goals, we have a specific end point in mind. But often within our
goal-setting endeavors we include the seeds of failure - unrealistic
expectations, self-judgment and criticism, and too harsh a measurement of
progress and success.

I am becoming more aware that being specific and clear and taking action is
essential if we want to manifest the future we say we desire. Rather than have an
agenda, we must shift to visioning what we want, feeling it as if it is already
so, seeing it as already in place. We must also learn to hold our intention with
a loose grip, allowing it or something better to be drawn to us, perhaps in an
unimagined form different from our specific request or dream. We have to actively
want it with every one of our senses and be willing to allow the form to be
created from the quality of our energy.

Having an agenda can point us in a specific direction but can cause us to put on
blinders that prevent us from noticing other opportunities that cross our path.
Holding an intention allows us to take in other options for consideration and
opens our hearts to the vibrations of subtly being called in a new or slightly
different direction.

Often an agenda can be a plan that you implement to run away from your fears,
whereas an intention keeps you focused on moving toward what is wonderful. What
you focus on you create more of-and if we keep on doing what we’re doing, we’ll
keep on getting what we’re getting. This still is a sticky area for me. I
constantly need to refocus my gaze on the new horizon with faith rather than on
old patterns that have driven me for so many years and keep me trapped in fear.

‘Now’ is where we are and what we all have. This moment. This precious present.
It is our responsibility to consciously choose who we are to be while we are
doing whatever we are doing.

Rather than try to check off all of the things on my ‘to do’ list that somehow
reproduce and expand no matter how hard I work to eliminate them, I will choose
over and over to shift that old pattern this year. Instead I will dare to listen
inward for my direction and know that wherever I am on that list I can do that
task with compassion, joy, and generosity. This year I will live my life as best
I know how believing that I am safe, all is well, I am blessed in every moment
regardless of the circumstances, and I am grateful for all that I have.

As I passed through the Seattle airport just yesterday I came across this quote
on a card that I knew was to be shared:

“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But,
there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it
dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me
see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment
you have and remember that time waits for no one.”
– Souza

This is your life today. Who will you be? What will you intend? Will you
willingly trust your magnificence enough to take the time to listen within, and
to be grateful as you notice all that you have?

In Joy,
Rhonda

It has been awhile since I sat and watched the wonderful movie, Finding Nemo, with my first grandson. It’s a delight (and so is he, I might add)! Since my return from the birth of my second grandson on October 8th (my first grandson’s birthday!) I have been readjusting to life far from my loved ones, riding the waves that life brings, and preparing my work to travel with me again to the LA area for the birth of my third grandson, due December 10th. Yes it has been a fertile year!

Nemo (a little fish) develops a friendship with an older (and very forgetful) fish, Dora, who is trying to help him find his way home. One of my favorite lines is Dora’s suggested mantra for life when you aren’t certain you are making ‘enough’ progress …”Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

All around me I see everyone racing with the year’s end in sight. People seem to be in turmoil, and anxiety is heightened because change everywhere abounds. Fear, rather than creativity shapes their decisions. We become our harshest critic. We forget that the same amount of information that was taken in over a two year period of time a hundred years ago is what we are challenged to process each and everyday. We think if we ‘swim’ fast enough we will somehow manage to master it all, do it all, and control it all.

Although we manage to accomplish amazing things, we are not human doings. We are human beings! We create a life of ‘do-do’ when we don’t balance it with self-care. The amount of what we accomplish is not as important as the spirit and grace with which we accomplish it. We are amazing simply because we breathe. If at the end of the day you can say you offered your Self with integrity, patience, compassion, creativity and generosity, you are living the life that matters even when there are dust bunnies under the bed or the final report is not done. Happiness just is. The key is in our ability to access it. Life just is, and the joy comes from how we regard it. Love just is, and happiness is ours when we keep it the priority. Our power lies not in controlling and completing, but in being most authentically our self without self-judgment amidst the ocean’s ebb and flow of life.

Few of us probably realize that captured in an old childhood song sung in rounds is all the wisdom and insight we need to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

We row, row, row through life, often making it harder than it needs to be. We fall into the trap of expend far more of our energy telling everyone everybody else how to row their boat instead of paying attention to the quality of our own strokes. We believe the ‘if-then’ theory of happiness. ‘If’ only they will change, ‘then’ I can be happy. We fail to realize that we may not always be able to control the circumstances or other people in our life, nor is it our job to do so. However, we do have control over how we view them. Too often we get distracted judging, criticizing and blaming others, rather that taking responsibility for the grace with which we maneuver our own journey. We can truly only love and honor another to the degree to which we authentically love and honor ourselves. We need to first take care in rowing our own boat to genuinely be able to assist another.

Gently Down the Stream

We often travel against the current, resist change, and impose limits that need not be there. We flounder upstream, and too often choose being right over being happy. Rather than fighting against the flow we can learn to recognize it and become one with it, trusting it to take us in a productive direction. We can savor the wonders available to us in every precious moment, freely share our gratitude, and allow rather than force our way to greater happiness.

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily

Humans are a funny lot. We tend to focus on what isn’t working, rather than all the things that are. Let’s say that 100 things go generally right in the course of a day, and one thing does not go according to plan. What do we talk about over dinner? Choosing to place our focus on all our blessings, and looking for excuses to laugh and appreciate simple joys will offer us balance and comfort, and strengthen us for the times we are called to face the true challenges that life will offer.

Life is But a Dream

It is usually not our life that is off course, but what we think about our. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up some place else. It is important to weed your negative thoughts in order to harvest happiness. The quality of your thoughts creates the quality of your experience. Dare to vision, to dream big, to make mistakes, and to apply lessons learned willingly.

Many of us have proven to be strong swimmers through life, and some of us feel like we are drowning, lost, or paralyzed by fear. Climb back in the boat and rest awhile. Glide through life with a bit more ease and learn to enjoy the adventure with the innocence and faith of a child.

When you are ready, take Dora’s advice and…”Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Knowing that it is not reaching your destination that is important, but the quality of the journey.

While we count our blessings here in the great Northwest, the Gulf Coast states endure and make every effort to recover from one hurricane after another. Whether we are facing such unimaginable devastation or juggling the everyday challenges of life, it is easy for our thoughts to wander to the conclusion that the world is falling apart. After all, just listen to the news!

Yes, bad things can happen to good people, and stress can come in huge waves. Still, statistics offer evidence that more good happens than bad and life is steadily improving. It’s hard to comprehend this can be true when advanced technology offers banner reports in an instant and horror bombards us via the television or newspaper with our breakfast, over dinner, as well as at all points in between. It’s not that there are more disasters, murders, and assaults. Actually it’s just the opposite. It’s just that they are being reported at least 300 percent more and news travels more quickly than ever before.

The real truth is that medical care has dramatically improved and the life span has expanded by years. Some diseases have been wiped out and near cures are visible on the horizon. Crime committed by teenagers is at its lowest levels in more than twenty years. The rate of teens killing themselves while driving a car is half what it was two decades ago. Statistics reveal that the overall teen death rate from accidents, homicide, or suicide has dropped 28 percent between 1990 and 2000.

There hasn’t been a lower birth rate among teenage girls than there is today. The overall dropout rate among American high school students has diminished by four percent in the last two decades, with an eight percent improvement among African Americans. Three-fourths of high school students say they get along very well or extremely well with their parents, and only three percent say they don’t get along well.

It is important to understand that while unfortunate things do happen, it is where we place our focus that is crucial in shaping the quality of our experience. And, what we focus on tends to expand in our mind.

Try this simple experiment. Don’t think of a purple cow.

Be honest, it’s likely you are thinking of a purple cow right now!

The same thing happens when our attention is over and over again directed by the media to focus on all that is askew in life. Embellishing catastrophes keeps us in chronic fear, and eventually threatens our health, happiness, and well being

What do you read when you see these ten letters: IAMNOWHERE?

Did you read I AM NOWHERE or I AM NOW HERE?

These are the same ten letters, and depending on how we choose to decipher them, they carry two very different messages. What is most important is that we understand that we are the one who chooses! No one twists our arm to read them one way over another. Where we place our focus, and in this case where we decide to place the spaces between these ten letters, determines the quality of our experience.

Our freedom depends on our ability to choose, and our perspective of not seeing ourselves as victims. Through choice we gain the power to trust that, even in the worst of times, we can distill something of value. It is the key to knowing that we can be happy regardless of our circumstances.

‘If you watch how nature deals with adversity, continually renewing itself, you can’t help but learn.’

– Bernie Siegel

For greater happiness, look for simple pleasures and the less obvious miracles. Take small and simple steps and learn to renew yourself by starting your day with a positive quote or reading the comics before the front page of the paper. Turn off the news and talk over dinner about all the things that went right, rather than wrong. Fall asleep counting your blessings and appreciating your family, your health, and all the kind people and ordinary heroes who strive each day to be their highest and best.

Remember, love is stronger that fear, and you’ll see it when you believe it.

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish
that He didn’t trust me so much.”

– Mother Teresa

Sometimes simple is best. Life can be hard enough, so apply these ten easy steps to experience everyday happiness:

1. Simple Acts of Kindness
Sometimes the smallest kindnesses can make the biggest difference. Something as small as paying the toll for the person behind you or intentionally leaving a dollar bill somewhere for someone else to find and feel good fortune can make a meaningful difference in the life of another. Anonymous gifts can often bring the greatest satisfaction because they are not done to boost your ego, but are truly a gift from the heart. Make it a habit to offer simple acts of kindness to experience durable happiness.

2. Simple Appreciation
Appreciation is something we all long for. What feels good to receive also feels as good to give another. Think of someone who has touched your heart or has extended a kindness to you. Go out of your way to thank them without expecting anything in return. So often we don’t think that what we do matters. A heart-felt ‘thank you’ offered at an unexpected time can make all the difference in the world and often makes a greater difference than we will even know.

3. Simple Joys
We so often focus on what is not working rather than what is, and take simple pleasures for granted. Some of the greatest joys in life are simple and small, but huge because of the happiness they bring. Noticing the glistening snow, allowing your heart to be touched by a child’s smile, appreciating a warm bath and a soft bed, or the wonders of a warm piece of bread with butter and jam can make you feel rich beyond measure. Enjoy the blessings of the present moment.

4. Simple Blessings
Every night before your head hits the pillow, recount the things/people/situations in your day for which you are grateful. Whether mundane or magnificent, placing your focus on all there is to be grateful for helps broaden your awareness of the wonders of life regardless of your circumstances. Remain determined to find a blessing in even the most challenging situations and you will find that your feelings of despair diminish while your happiness expands. The quality of your thoughts influences the quality of your life.

5. Simple Self-Respect
So often we find it easier to take care of everything and everyone else, but we give from an empty cup and neglect ourselves. Without genuine self-care what we offer to others we will eventually regret and becomes inauthentic. By disrespecting ourselves, we actually are teaching others how to disrespect us as well. Taking full accountability and responsibility for our own joy is the greatest gift we can give another and in honoring our self we more authentically notice the gifts of others.

6. Simple Forgiveness
A gift is for giving, forgiving. Forgiving does not mean we condone the actions of another. Withholding your forgiveness hurts no one but yourself. Offer your forgiveness often and generously for the greatest durable happiness. See mistakes, yours and the mistakes of others, as an opportunity to learn for the greatest joy.

7. Simple Prosperity
Tithe money or time generously to the things that matter to you most. Allow your time, money and energy to flow. Invest time and energy in friends and family, and the things you are passionate about. Vision often all that you dream of and be willing to surrender the form in whicg it comes back to you. Just know you are worthy. Asking, acting, and listening within to manifest, and by sharing willingly opens the flow to your prosperity.

8. Simple Sadness
Even sadness and loss can reveal blessings. We must not jump past feelings that come up as a result of a loss, but hold the intention to be open to seeing the blessing as soon as possible. Sometimes it is the challenges in life that allow us to more sincerely appreciate all that we have. Open yourself to all your emotions, and believe that even through heartache we can learn, grow and find greater meaning.

9. Simple Spirituality
Regardless of your name for God, most of us have an awareness and appreciation of a Mystery greater than we are. Develop your spirituality regardless of the form, and be certain to take quiet reflective time for yourself regularly. Inner listening and meditation/prayer offer you a path to a deeper sense of joy and a greater sense of your own magnificence.

10. Simple Stress Relief
Whether counting to ten, taking a deep breath, getting a massage, or reading something inspirational, include simple stress management tools in your every day routines. Be quick to ask yourself if you would rather be right or happy. You are not a victim of life, and choosing for your happiness also brings happiness to others.

I’m not much of a dancer when it comes to the waltz or the polka, but I have enjoyed stretching my ability to dance with the flow of life. It takes diving in regardless of what you will look like, and soon you discover your focus is not on your feet, but on feeling full of the joy that comes from being fully alive, absorbed from the inside out.

Have you ever lost track of time? Have you ever been so deliciously and completely absorbed in something that hours seemed like minutes? The experience of this mental state has become known as “being in the flow.” Whether you are a writer, a video game fanatic, an artist, a scientist, or a mom focused on the face of your newborn, you may know in your own way the exhilaration of such treasured moments.

It’s funny how insights into happiness and all it’s facets are often prompted by the challenges we face. Hungarian born psychologist Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi was the first to name and turn our awareness to the concept of “flow”. Surrounded by the impressions of his childhood in wartime Europe he was prompted to question the nature and meaning of happiness.

Like Csikzentmihalyi, many of us wonder why, despite all the modern conveniences and creature comforts that are ever expanding in our modern times, that so many people so very unhappy, trapped by depression and hindered by stress related illnesses? Why do we doubt our innate worth, feel disconnected from our sense of purpose, and believe that happiness can only be fleeting?

For years Csikzentmihalyi focused his research studies around asking his subjects, to remember and describe the happiest moments of their life. He then would have them explore what thoughts and feelings led up to these special moments. From this, he distilled clues to the joy of flow.
Hw found a common thread. Csikzentmihalyi, discovered through his inquiries that these wonderfully absorbed states of mind, and the resulting feelings of satisfaction, “usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntarily highly focused effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Csikszentmihalyi coined this as the experience of being in the “flow”, “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” When in flow, your over-critical ego mind becomes quiet and your definition of time becomes distorted. Your whole being is “focused and absorbed, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.” Life seems like child’s play when you find yourself challenged by something that is neither too simple nor too difficult. You become immersed in and full of the wonders of what is right before you.

So, how can you foster this feeling of flow that leads you to a deeper and more durable sense of happiness? It starts with a moment-by-moment willingness to consciously stretch your ability to dance with flow. Open your heart, move with your energy, and experiment with the following dance steps.

Step 1.

View whatever task before you as a game. Decide the world is friendly and expect to have fun. Listen for what is calling you from the inside out. Move in the direction of what sparks your interest to keep yourself challenged and motivated. Welcome feedback, but don’t personalize it. Determine your objective to clarify the direction you are headed. Welcome challenges as opportunities to learn, and be certain to celebrate small successes before setting a new objective.

Step 2.

Quiet your mind chatter and negative inner self-talk. Being in the flow requires development of an ability to eliminate negative “inner-talk”. Become aware of the quality of your thinking. Be your own best friend. One of the easiest ways to undermine flow and success is to become your worst judgmental critic. Know that you can only love and respect others to the degree to which you love and respect yourself. Remember, we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.

Step 3.

Clarify your Purpose. Your purpose need not be huge. Waking up choosing to be joyful and smile every day can have as much significance as finding the cure for cancer. It is often the seemingly simple conscious actions in life that are the most meaningful, and often we don’t even realize the hearts we touch. Clarify your deepest reason why you’ve selected any path and your intention as you travel it. As you move in the direction of any vision or intention, constantly remind yourself of the underlying purpose this inspires you and trust in your own magnificence and contribution.

Step 4.

Practice Focus. Become aware that you are the one who generates your thoughts. Only you have the power to redirect them in a more positive direction. We do not aly6as have control over our circumstances, but we do have power over how we choose to view them. If you find your mind drifting or filled with anxiety, you have moved away from the flow. Only you have the power to refocus on the task at hand, and adjust the quality of your thoughts until you become fully engaged.

Step 5.

Enjoy it all. Life is a journey, not a destination, so enjoy each step of the dance, for each step is amazing in and of itself, and when the steps flow together they have a rhythm all their own. Savor what each moment brings, and practice turning even the greatest tests and blunders into a blessing. Do not force the moment or expect it to be anything other than what it is. Learn to notice simple wonders in even the simplest task. You will be amazed by the miracles that unfold.

Soon, cumbersome steps will become fluid, and before you know it you will be dancing in the flow. Dance. Dance. Dance.

With profound joy I am happy to announce the birth of my second grandson, Brody Georges Thiret. He weighed 8 lbs. 7 oz. at birth and was 22 ½ inches long.

Being a grandma is one of the most significant roles I play, and birth has long been an important learning metaphor in my life. It is birth, and death, that have taught me the most about authentic happiness, not the passing kind, but the joy you experience in every fiber of your being.

More times than not the birth of a child is one of the most meaningful and joyous experiences of a lifetime. Even when there are surprises, it provides many opportunities to embrace the wonders and mysteries of life. With a newborn in your arms you taste, touch, smell, and see innocence, and witness pure love. It is the closest you will ever come to understanding the meaning of life.

This innocent and small being captures your attention fully so you can know the benefits of present moment living and selfless giving. This is most true if you are willing to surrender your control and open your heart fully to the journey of falling in love and the process of coming to know someone so deeply, unconditionally, and intimately on their terms rather than according to your agenda. Birth teaches you compassion, tenderness, protection, selflessness, discernment, kindness…oh, yes, and patience. The hardest thing for a mom is to let it teach you self-love. Not in a selfish way, but rather in a conscious way. Mature self-love is by knowing that your child’s well being depends on yours, so the most loving thing you can do for them is to care for yourself.

Happiness does not always come wrapped in the best of circumstances. Brody was not born without incident. Due September 30th, my daughter was overdue and was induced October 6th. Brody was finally born on my first grandson’s 4th birthday, October 8th at 2:50 a.m. with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. He did not breathe for over a minute and needed aggressive encouragement to join us fully in this crazy world. Can you blame him? Still, that minute felt like an eternity, and that cry, that will become exhausting at some point, was music to our ears.

Fortunately, after scaring everyone with his dusky coloring, delayed breathing and a low blood pressure, he decided to stay with us to see all that living has to offer. Only seconds after his birth our expectations wandered to other possibilities. Remaining in the present moment became very difficult to do, and yet never once in the history of the Universe has worry ever changed an outcome. Fortunately we were together as a family to face that horrible thought as Brody was rushed off to the neonatal intensive care unit for three days of monitoring. As a precautionary measure he was given IV antibiotics. Although my daughter had looked forward to welcoming him against her chest and for his dad to cut his cord, priorities shifted and not getting what was imagined gave us a deepened appreciation for just having him here, grateful for knowing he would be healthy after his brief ordeal.

It is always good to dream in order to manifest what you want, and visioning is an integral part of the Law of Attraction. And then we are reminded of the importance of surrendering the outcome to the highest and best, not knowing what powerful lessons might available to us in the form of challenging circumstances. The priority quickly became giving Brody the best chance for his health and well being…the rest were just details. Being able to dance gracefully with the unexpected if we can retrain ourselves to do so offers the possibility of happiness regardless of circumstances.

So, I think it is safe to say that I will always find an excuse to talk to you about my new grandson, but now that he is here and doing well, he will not be the total focus of my newsletters…until I am blessed again in December with grandson #3. Through this fertile time I am reminded that birth comes with all of the ingredients for knowing true happiness. In the presence of pure love and innocence and enveloped in the intuition of motherhood you become ever so aware that happiness comes from the inside out, is not dependent on the circumstances being perfect, overlooks imperfection, initiates compassion, facilitates deep connections, stretches clear communication, and brings you to the present moment with a greater appreciation of the simple and sweet miracles of life.

I wish for each of you that you will have the chance to know in your lifetime the complete joy I feel in my heart right now, and the tremendous gratitude I have for my family, friends, daughters and grandsons as we walk together on this journey called life.